The Man-Cave

Second Best Sports Siblings: Jeremy Giambi

2012-05-29T18:20:00.000-04:00

Professional sports are filled with some great sibling athletes who have left a mark on their individual sports. You have Super Bowl MVP quarterbacks Eli and Peyton Manning, Serena and Venus Williams in tennis, NHL's Henrik and Daniel Sedin plus Eric and Jordan Staal, and MLB's Roberto and Sandy Alomar as well as Moises and Felipe Alou. Their accomplishments and notoriety are well documented with a billion sports stories you can find everywhere on the web.

Then there are those siblings who have black eyes on their sport and are clearly the child who are least talked about at family get togethers around the holidays. Today we explore these little talked about pro sports never-were's and give the poor peeps some shine that I'm sure Dad hasn't given them since they graduated high school.

TODAY'S INDUCTION: JEREMY GIAMBI

Jason Giambi will always be known as one of the game's best power hitters. Steroid-induced power but nonetheless a power hitter with large bulging forearms. He will also be remembered as the man who sold out his Oakland Athletics squad and the St. Louis Cardinals for Yankees pinstripes before being implicated for using illegal PED's. The only reason he was given a pass by sports fans and writers alike was because he was the first player who did the right thing by admitting his mistake and coming clean publicly about it, while Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro denied it until they were proven guilty. And well Barry Bonds still denies it, but that's a story for another post. Funny thing is that Giambi digressed rather quickly afterwards when injuries began piling up and went back to the A's on his hands and knees begging them to take his tainted butt back in 2009...and then they released him a few months later. Now he's one of the most overrated pinch hitters in the game.

Speaking of pinch hitters, that is a great segue way to his brother Jeremy. Sports writers loved to take shots at him so much that you'd think he was the subject of Pearl Jam's hit song. "Clearly I remember...picking on the boy...seemed a harmless little f***". Yes, this "Jeremy" was harmless, unless he was on your roster.

Jeremy started in the A's outfield while brother Jason handled 1B duties, and seemingly only made the team due to nepotism. He was a terrible fielder who was figured into the (sham) Moneyball system, since his minute salary and walks taken made up for his fielding errors or something...whatever Billy Beane was smoking. And that was supposed to replace MVP Jason's production when he left for New York in 2002. Umm, ok.

He is probably best known for costing the A's the 2001 ALDS in what has become hailed as the infamous "Jeter Flip Play". Jeremy attempted to score on a ball hit to right field that he would have scored on if the knucklehead would've slid instead of standing up, allowing Jorge Posada to tag him out. It was the turning point in the series that shifted the momentum in favor of the Yankees, who came back from a 2-0 game deficit to win the ALDS.

After getting busted for pot at an airport and being roid-head like his bro, Beane conned Phillies jelly-brained GM Ed Wade into trading him to Philadelphia for veteran utitlityman John Mabry, who did well for Oakland while Giambi stunk up the joint both on the field and locker room in Philadelphia. When the season ended, he was traded to the Red Sox for a bucket of balls (sincere thanks for that one, Theo Epstein) where he spent the last season of his illustrious career.

Post-PEDs, Jason did have a comeback season in 2005 where he hit 32 HRs, which is more than Jeremy ever hit in his entire career. Maybe Jason took the real stuff and Jeremy shot up the placebo? Either way, drugged up Jason won a league MVP as well as multiple Silver Slugger awards and All-Star Appearances while Jeremy was being traded from team to team so he could be another club's problem. Too bad they don't have an official award for that honor or Jeremy would be a lock for Cooperstown.

TALE OF THE TAPE:

JASON GIAMBI, 1B/OF/DH

Career Stats: .281 BA 428 HR 1,397 RBI

Accolades: Five All-Star Selections

2000 AL MVP, Two Silver Slugger Awards

Jeremy Giambi, 1B/OF/DH ('98-'03)

Career Stats: .263 BA 52 HR 209 RBI

Accolades: top boneheaded plays in MLB history.

It's in the Blood (2012)

2012-05-24T19:00:00.000-04:00

Directed by Scooter Downey

Is it possible to create a successful horror film both original in content and its mood solely embedded in drama? The answer is a resounding "yes" and the proof is in 2012's It's in the Blood.

Med student October (Sean Elliott) returns home after many years to reunite with his father Russell, played by veteran actor Lance Henriksen. It is obvious from the get-go that the two have endured a tumultuous relationship for some time, since October seems unenthusiastic about seeing his father again after all this time and due to the fact that Russell continuously inquires why he has not ever returned any of his phone calls.

The two attempt to establish a renewed bond on a hunting trip deep in the woods, but a bigger void quickly expands between them when Russell challenges October's manhood and refusal to bury the troubles of their past. Shortly afterward, Russell is frightened by some transparent figure which causes him to fall off a nearby cliff and severely damage his leg. With Russell unable to walk and both of them under attack from this invisible menace, October builds a barrier around them. But this fortitude is only temporary as the phantom endlessly tries to destroy them. Essentially, they are trapped and attempt to escape by surviving with the minor defenses at their disposal

Russell's health begins to deteriorate as the two start to discuss what happened in the past that caused this seemingly unrepairable rift between them throughout the remainder of the film, all seen in rigid flashbacks. Not only did it damage October's relationship with his father, but it also damaged his psyche and made him into a shell of the person he used to be. Detailing the horrors of their history would essentially ruin the entire film and your viewing enjoyment in the process, so what can be said is that it is both shocking and will really pull at your heartstrings.

Fear not moviegoers. While this film is more an exercise in drama than horror, this is not another version of Terms of Endearment staged in the wilderness. Your craving for fear and action will be satisfied in the horrifying final act. After the slow burn, which contains some strong emotional turns by both Elliott and Henriksen, you will be treated to amazing special effects and one "wow" of an ending.

The conclusion itself will really force you to use your noggin a bit, but once you paste everything together, you will be pleased that you hung around to indulge a thought-provoking, deep and original film. Filmmaker Scooter Downey deploys a large amount of colorful symbolism that enhances his fantastic direction of the final product. He completely develops the small amount of characters that appear on-screen and is also able to produce some truly tear-jerking moments as the film wraps up.

It's in the Blood is the prime example of why you should never depend on IMDB scores to dictate whether you should watch a film or not. The low rating on there currently for this movie is an absolute travesty considering the satisfaction you will receive from watching pure art on celluloid while not being a self-indulgent and pretentious art house flick. If you keep in mind that this film is not an all-out horrorfest and more of a just an overall movie of substance, you will be able to enjoy this little known gem.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Creeper Santas

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In Search Of…Worthless Stuff: "Dead End" (1985)

2012-05-22T19:04:00.000-04:00

Every now and then, I learn about a rare film or item that piques my interest and simply must have. Usually I can satisfy my obsession by tracking them down on eBay, but sometimes there is little to no information on how to obtain them and makes me wonder whether they actually exist. I go the extra mile to find my rare warez, like Indiana Jones. Except he is better looking and searches for important relics, while I track down useless crap instead. Call me Indiana Jonesing instead. This new “In Search Of…Worthless Stuff” feature will list items on my most wanted list that are as hard to find as the Predator using that cloaking device of his. What better way to kickoff this new venture then going "in search of" a film entitled...

Dead End aka Zombietown

Tracking this flick down has been nothing more than a wild goose chase since I first learned about it a few years ago. The only information that exists about it is an IMDB listing (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0131260/). Dead End is a mid-80’s low budget flick about a documentary film crew who investigates a satellite that crashed in a local town which they believe is a UFO. What they do find is that the downed foreign object has turned the entire town into bloodthirsty zombies. Even though the crew’s lives are at high risk, the director is determined to record as much footage of the grisly event as he possibly can and does not care who he throws in harm’s way to do so.

Shot years before The Blair Witch Project and after Cannibal Holocaust, this is one of the first found footage horror flicks to have been produced, albeit with a low budget filmmaker’s shoestring budget. It is filmed documentary/first-person style using the real life director and many low budget actors. The gore, which folklore states is actually real blood and guts used for the production, is supposed to be ridiculously over the top. As disgusting as it sounds, it is a novelty that warrants having to check out at least once.

There are some sites whose reviewers have claimed to have screened it and provide nothing but stellar critiques. Yet they have not gotten back to me when I have inquired about how they have seen the film or maybe could throw me a bone via some trade or what have you, in order to finally see it for myself. But those scant reviews are all I have going for me. Do a Google search for yourself and you will not find one lousy screen still, clip, trailer, or anything like that.

After some time, I started to think that this was just some practical joke or urban legend just used to get people riled up. That is until I discovered quotes from the director, Emerson Bixby, who detailed what happened to his “lost” film. Bixby claims that he sent his film to several distributors (remember those ads in the back of old Fangoria mags where you could send in your films in hopes of being picked up? What do you mean “no, you don’t”?!), but never heard anything back from them for a release. He had a few VHS copies that he kept for himself and gave out to a few crew members. Since then, all copies have vanished into nowhere. According to Bixby, it is the film he is most proud of that he has done and even is offering $10K to anyone who can provide him with a legit copy.

So if you are reading this and do have a copy of his film, I would go make yourself $10K richer by sending Bixby one immediately…but if you want some great karma or maybe want to work out some kind of trade, please contact me shortly afterward with a copy. Help me cure this curious obsession and become awarded Man-Caver of the Year…with an instant “It Award” dedicated to you in the upcoming “2012 Man-Cave It & S*** Awards”!

Do you own a copy? Have you seen it? Have you heard about it? I WANT TO HEAR YOUR ACCOUNTS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!

Remember that this is Dead End or Zombietown from 1985 and not the other films that go by the same titles produced in the 90’s and 2000’s.

WWE Over The Limit 2012 Results and Recap

2012-05-20T23:25:00.001-04:00

A few short weeks after the WWE got Extreme on PPV, the company returns to go Over the Limit, this time at North Carolina State University in Raleigh, NC. The main storylines of the show include Daniel Bryan attempting to take the title from CM Punk and John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis, in a pinfall or submission only contest. No contracted WWE superstar/employee can interfere on Johnny's behalf or they will be fired and if Johnny's loses...he will be terminated. Now that the stage is set, let's to ringside...

YouTube Pre-Show
Zack Ryder vs. Kane

You will all have the pleasure seeing Operation Bury Ryder for free tonight. Remember a few months ago when Kane's abuse of Ryder cost him his U.S. Title and his would-be gal Eve? Remember when Kane's constant assaults on him cost him his push and he never got his comeuppance, as the angle turned into Kane-Cena? Well, don't expect Ryder to get revenge or his push back on track (unfortunately).

RESULT:
Kane pinned Ryder after the Chokeslam

Well it is always good to see Ryder and this was free, so I guess you get what you pay for. At least this was not a squash and made Ryder look somewhat strong against the monster. But has Ryder even won a singles match in 2012?

Now on to the matches you needed to pay for...

People Power Battle Royal
Winner decides to battle for IC or US Title on the PPV

More like a Jobber Battle Royal! This was announced during the Pre-Show . Due to their bickering all week on Twitter about whose title is more prestigious, Eve and David Otunga decide to hold a battle royal, where the winner decides to either challenge Santino Marella for his U.S. Title or Cody Rhodes for his Intercontinental Title. Participants: Great Khali, The Miz, JTG, Michael McGillicutty, Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, Ezekiel Jackson, The Usos, Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre, Heath Slater, Titus O'Neill, Darren Young, Alex Riley, David Otunga, William Regal, Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins, and the returning Christian!

RESULT:
Christian eliminated The Miz...and decides to go for the U.S. Title

If you blinked, you missed it...so this was hard to keep track of eliminations. No biggie though as most participants were jobber fodder anyway. The best was during the end with Otunga, Miz and Christian as the final three.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger

It's not a surprise that the WWE finally put a tag team title match on a PPV, but it is surprising that Swagger and Ziggler are the challengers. Unless the direction is to have heel champs again, Truth and Kingston should retain. Given the recent push of heel teams such as Titus O'Neill and Darren Young as well as the AW being in the corner of Primo and Epico with his new stable, anything other result seems illogical. Maybe a loss here will FINALLY get Ziggler to be rid of Swagger to focus on singles work again.

RESULT:

Kingston pinned Ziggler after the Trouble in Paradise.

Ziggler definitely was the highlight of the match as he "steals the show" every time. This contest was no difference, so unsure why the "#ShowOff" had to eat the pin over Swagger - who is completely useless at this point. Result was as expected, but it was a decent tag match, which is hard to find in the WWE nowadays.

WWE Divas Championship Match
Layla (c) vs. Beth Phoenix
Looks like the surprise return at Extreme Rules was not the anticipated Kharma, but Layla formerly of LayCool. Seems like everyone was disappointed since Layla has generated zero reaction from the fans since her return. Layla can actually wrestle, but putting her into a spot where Khama was expected only watered down her long-awaited return from injury. See no reason here why Layla does not drop the belt back to Phoenix only to have Kharma show up and challenge one of these days.

RESULT:
Layla pinned Phoenix after the neckbreaker.

"We Want Kharma!" chants started early and continued throughout most of the match, so the WWE fans know what they want in the Divas Division...and hopefully the company will wake up soon and deliver. This was the best Women's match in a long, long time, so Layla definitely shows her worth to the division. Surprising win and it will be interesting to see where the WWE goes with her from here.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Matt Striker interviews Randy Orton and is interrupted by Jericho, who verbally insulted Sheamus and him. Jericho claims he will be the seven-time champ after their match. Orton disagrees.

Four-Way WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match
Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio

Sheamus has transformed into a complete bore since they put the strap on him and that's unfortunate since he's such a likable guy. Now that Bryan has moved on to bigger pastures, Sheamus was quickly thrown into a program with Orton, Jericho (who is on his way out to tour with Fozzy) and Alberto Del Rio, whose star has burnt out since his failed push. Don't see Sheamus dropping the belt here as he and Orton should continue a more intense feud moving into the summer.

RESULT:

Sheamus retained after pinning Jericho after White Noise.

Definitely better to have Orton be a tweener at this point and Sheamus on top of Smackdown is allowing that to happen. Not bad, but it should have been a better match given the four great stars, which was apparent as they were losing the crowd during many moments. Yet, the many false finishes made up for the the match's low points and got the fans into it towards the end.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: When Cody Rhodes tells Eve how good of a U.S. champ Christian will be and how he will legitimize that belt again, Christian interrupts him to tell him "he's full of crap" and that he is going to go after the IC Title instead. FACE TURN for Christian...who got a huge reception when he won the battle royal.

Surprise Match

"The Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay vs. The Miz

Another PPV, another surprise Funkasaurus match. Wonder what's going to happen here? Just kidding - think we all know. Take it to Vegas that the Miz Job Express continues down the card.

RESULT:

Clay wins via pin after the body splash.

Miz comes down to the ring and states he is a better dancer than Clay, then proceeds to do bootleg Michael Jackson dance moves. It was actually pretty hilarious to see Miz goofing off like that. This was a glorified squash. Crowd not really into it, so WWE should put the Funk into a legitimate angle soon before the novelty wears off.

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Christian

Looks like People Power helped "Peep-le Power" come back in full force. After the huge reaction he received after winning the battle royal to open the show, Christian seemingly has turned heel by going after Cody Rhodes for his title.

RESULT: Christian wins the title by pinning Rhodes after the Killswitch

Good match by both excellent performers and it was the right move to turn Christian face again, because people cheered him way too much for a heel. It just never worked no matter how hard the WWE tried to get people to hate him. You can tell this was truly an emotional moment for Christian to come back from a nasty injury and win a title. because real tears were in his eyes. Giving him the belt will help strengthen the midcard as Rhodes is probably on his way to a world title run.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Punk is backstage and talks about how injured Kane is. He also mocks Vince McMahon for hating that Punk and Bryan are on top even though they are from the indies. Out of nowhere, AJ walks up to Punk and gives him creepy, googily eyes thus continuing the angle started on Friday's Smackdown.

WWE Title Match
CM Punk (c) vs. Daniel Bryan

YES...YES...YES! The match we were given for free on WWE TV a couple of times in the recent past is now part of the big event on a PPV. Expecting a 5-Star match between these two competitors, so hopefully they will deliver. Their contest has the potential to upstage the last two great matches between Punk and Jericho on consecutive PPVs. Either way, Punk doesn't need the belt at this point because he is totally over and the belt might help Bryan further establish himself as the real deal. However, it's a win-win for either man at this point no matter the outcome. Wonder how the AJ angle is going to be worked in here?

RESULT:

Punk retains title rolling on Bryan while in the YES Lock.

This one was actually worth 6 Stars! Really enjoyed the crowd battle of "Daniel Bryan!"..."CM Punk!" They played up the injuries from Punk at the hands of Kane very well and put on a pure wrestling clinic as expected. And real wrestling matches are hard to come by nowadays. Must be a great feeling for two guys coming up together through the indies to be in a world title match on a PPV in the big leagues. Weird finish means that we are in store for more matches between the two in the near future and that's good news for everyone.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Teddy Long is smiling and tells Eve and Otunga that if Johnny L. loses and is fired, he can see them getting terminated as well.

Surprise Match
Ryback vs. Hunico

And yet another surprise match with Goldberg...oops Ryback. RYBACK SMASH AGAIN!

RESULT:

Ryback, DUH!

"GOLDBERG!" chants are unleashed by the unimpressed fans as usual. Why did this nonsense follow the title match? Is the WWE trying to tell us something, like here's your next champ? Boring squash for an uncharismatic musclehead.

Main Event
John Cena vs. John Lauriniatis

As mentioned in the opening, this is a pinfall or submission only contest. No contracted WWE superstar/employee can interfere on Johnny's behalf or they will be fired and if Johnny's loses...he will be terminated. It seems like it is going to be a walk in the park for Cena, but they can't remove Johnny from office at a B-level show. Everyone expects the recently-fired Big Show (trying to do anything to get his job back) or Brock Lesnar (who kayfabe quit) to help Johnny win, since they are not contracted WWE employees at this point of the storyline. So that is probably is going to be what happens, but time will tell.

RESULT:
Johnny pins Cena after Big Show hit him with the WMD

As predictable as the sun rising tomorrow, Cena embarrassed and toyed around with Johnny until Big Show came out and double-crossed him. This should not have been the main event over the WWE Title match.

FINAL VERDICT:

While they were not at the apex of Miami and Chicago, the Raleigh crowd was really into the PPV and gave it some needed atmosphere until they peetered out at the 3/4 mark. OTL was a surprisingly good PPV considering the card. The Divas and Tag Match were enjoyable to kick things off after the battle royal. It was also great to see Christian return tonight in which looks to be long term this time. The Punk-Bryan clinic was a classic with interesting looking new submission holds we have seen from either man in the WWE up until now. This should have been the main event, not the predicable Cena match. Overall, the card really overachieved its potential until the last contest, so the WWE needs to stick Cena down the card if not just by a notch and leave the title matches as the main attractions. Still though, it is not like you should feel you threw your money away if you ordered or attended this one.

El Monstro Del Mar! (2010)

2012-05-17T19:39:00.000-04:00

Directed by Stuart Simpson

Australian filmmaker Stuart Simpson brings us a fun semi-tribute to Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! mixed with a touch of Jaws and From Dusk ‘Til Dawn. Thanks to the folks at Breaking Glass Pictures, his film has made it onto the shores of the States in El Monstro del Mar! Yes the punctuation is part of the title and the translation is “The Monster of the Sea”…but most of you smart readers probably already figured that out.

Beretta, Snowball and Blondie, three psychotic yet extremely sexy chicks out on a rampage of booze, drugs and “man”-slaughter, awaken a mysterious sea creature that has been dormant for several years in the waters of a tiny, desolated shore town. This former hot spot turned sleepy boreville is only occupied by a handful of locals that includes a wheelchair-bound old man and his beautiful granddaughter Hannah (Kyrie Capri). After the old man warns the deadly trio not to go swimming in the water, which of course these bad ass Jezebels completely ignore, the creature begins to decimate the remainder of the town’s population and now has the girls, old man and Hannan in its cross-hairs.

This Aussie import is a flick that is completely crafted for the male demographic. The film stock begins in black and white for quite some time before turning color once things get a bit “colorful” for a duo of unaware horny young men. It's like an evil version of Wizard of Oz. From this point forward, the scantily dressed sirens throw out major foul language, ingest a load of drugs and booze that could kill an elephant and try to corrupt while strangely befriending the virginal, pure as the un-driven snow Hannan.

Capri is very good as the film’s true lead and projects a natural on-screen beauty, but the contrasting Nelli Scarlett, Karli Madden and Kate Watts steal the show with their good looks and dirty behavior. Except Scarlett looks a bit like a drug-fueled skankier version of Khloe Kardashian, sans Lamar Odom. (Note: If the Kardashians are reading this and want to sue The Man-Cave for that reference, get in line!).

El Monstro is only a little over an hour long, but is an entertaining little throwback feature just long enough to not be annoying considering its content. It is also a low budget film whose SFX exposes its shoestring budget, but that does not stop the ambitious Simpson from going for the gusto. After all, the silly effects are all part of its charm as this is not a movie to take too seriously. Even the gory death scenes are shot over a musical score that is not menacing at all and more hokey than anything. It’s a little non-traditional, but it adds to the film’s character. And its lack of effects budget is certainly masked in the exciting finale.

El Monstro del Mar! is available from the Breaking Glass Pictures website (see below) and can be purchased now. Keep your expectations in check, let your hormones run wild and throw your cares away for 72 minutes.

RATING:

3.5 out of 5 Creeper Santas

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Shows You Should Be Watching: Holliston (2012)

2012-05-15T18:11:00.000-04:00

There are many words to describe filmmakers Adam Green and Joe Lynch. Writers…Directors…Producers…and now…Sitcom Stars. Yes, Sitcom Stars. That’s right, the men who have helmed some recent brilliant horror films such as Hatchet and Wrong Turn 2 respectively, now star in their own horror-themed sitcom that airs exclusively on FEARnet with new episodes airing every Tuesday at 10:30PM ET.

Adam Green and Joe Lynch star as Adam and Joe, caricatures of themselves if their careers did not take off and were still struggling to make it in the industry. As hosts of The Movie Crypt, a late-night horror cable show, they constantly dream of having one of their ridiculously titled horror films (Shin Pads - like Hard Rock Zombies but with Mexican soccer players) financed and finally make it as big time filmmakers, leaving their little New England town of Holliston, Massachusetts in the dust. In the meantime, they work at the cable station for their boss Lance Rockett, played by a very Twisted Sister-esque and cross-dressing Dee Snider, who fronts a local Van Halen tribute band and still thinks it is 1984. He is not the worst boss they could have by any means, but they are always largely unsuccessful in uncovering his true sexual orientation no matter what questions they toss his way.

To call them the prototypical “odd couple” would be absolutely correct, except that Joe and Adam are more like hybrids containing many of both “Oscar” and “Felix” characteristics. Joe is “Felix” when it comes to romantic relationships and Adam is “Felix” when it comes to adult responsibilities. However, the script is flipped when it comes to being “Oscar” as Joe is absolutely awful when it comes to making common sense decisions and Adam is hopelessly a wet mop with women especially when it comes to his ex. While Joe has a great relationship with his gal Laura (Laura Ortiz), Adam has been pining over the love of his ex-girlfriend Corri (Corri English), who has just come back to Holliston with a job in the medical field. She might be completely over Adam, but he keeps trying nonetheless to win her back any chance he gets to some hilarious results.

When Adam retreats to his bedroom for some much needed solace in each episode, he is visited by Oderus Urungus of Gwar, who plays Adam’s imaginary friend that lives in the closet. Sometimes Oderus’ words are full of wisdom and at other times are somewhat brutally truthful, but never of any real help at all. But he consistently appears when Adam is feeling low just to kick him further down the ladder even though his intentions mean well, sort of.

As solid as our four leads are to driving the show to success, Snider and Oderus make for welcomed secondary characters that give the show more of a bizarrely comedic edge. Add in some cool cameos from horror icons, such as Tony Todd, who steals episode four entitled “Candyman”, Bill Moseley as well as Kane Hodder, and all of the casting ingredients are there for a success.

Contrary to some fiction being spun on the ‘net, Holliston is not a show just for Adam Green “fanboys” nor is it solely targeted to horror fanatics and alienates other demographics of non-horror viewers that will not enjoy it. None of those factors could be further from the truth. Sure there are some horror references that might fly over more subtle fans of the genre, but nothing that will affect the enjoyment or comedy found throughout the show. This could play on network TV, if some of the gore was toned down, and would be appreciated by anyone who enjoys situational comedies overall as well as horror diehards.

Also, Green casting himself and Lynch were great moves, even though you might be cautious about those casting choices going in. Both guys are so effective on screen that sometimes you forget you are watching Green and Lynch the filmmakers and are watching two funny scrubs starring in a low budget sitcom. You might not think at first that they could pull it off, but it is amazing how well they actually do it. But don’t be surprised if they break the fourth wall sometimes with jokes that mock the digs usually heard from Adam Green haters or deliberate in-show commercial ads that remind you that you are in fact watching a low budget TV program that needs sponsors to fund the episodes. It is all very reminiscent kind of the constant advertising jokes executed in Return of the Killer Tomatoes, where the actors break character to plug sponsors so that they could get the funding to finish the film we are watching.

One last reminder - a new episode appears on FEARnet every Tuesday at 10:30PM ET, so make sure to check it out if you have the On Demand channel. And if you haven’t yet, you can check out past episodes now on FEARnet on demand or iTunes.

Penumbra (2011)

2012-05-10T18:47:00.000-04:00

Directed by Adrian Garcia Bogliano and Ramiro Garcia Bogliano

What is it about eclipses that capture the human imagination? These phenomena are a marvel to experience (through the safety of a telescope, of course) and their odd appearance trigger something whimsical in the mind’s eye that they is easy fodder for creating stories built around the strange and bizarre. Sometimes the eclipse motif is misused (Twilight: Eclipse), but the directors Bogliano deliver an oddly intriguing tale in their film, Penumbra.

IFC Films brings us an import from Argentina that saying it has a unique plot would be a bit of an understatement. After the film kickoffs with an impromptu kidnapping of a young girl who responds to a classified ad, it transitions into the main storyline of feisty lawyer Marga (Cristina Brondo) in negotiations of renting out an apartment to an odd real estate company. This transaction certainly becomes more than she bargained for once she learns that her ready and willing clientele have more in mind than looking for than a place to rest their heads and unfortunately finds herself unintentionally trapped in a dire circumstance.

From the opening scene and the events that follow shortly afterward, it is pretty much obvious that our film’s plot is going to play around the upcoming eclipse that has everyone in the streets all abuzz. After all, the film’s title Penumbra, means “a partial shadow, as in an eclipse, between regions of complete shadow and complete illumination (thanks thefreedictionary.com)”, so if you know that going in, you should expect that an eclipse is going to play a major role. This film is not so much horror as it is a thriller with some dark comedy thrown in for good measure and is thankfully far from the breath of a Hostel or Saw flick. It is more of a morality tale with a bit of zaniness behind the message.

Viewers should be warned. Prepare yourself for a slow burn with a majority of your action happening in the final half hour. And if you do not speak the dialect of this country, get ready to read a good deal of subtitles. That “warning” is just to prepare you for what kind of film you are about to digest, so you can enjoy the ride to the finale which contains extremely good acting from Brondo and Berta Muniz, who plays, Jorge, one of the creepy real estate agents. The direction and editing from the Boglianos is spot on with some excellent lighting choices particularly in both the exterior and elevator scenes. One thing about the finale is that it is an obscure final act, but you can easily and satisfactorily draw your own conclusions.

This is the first film The Man-Cave has covered a motion picture that is strictly from Argentinean cinema descent, so sign me up for more of the country’s film making offerings if this is the type of entertainment they are putting out on a constant basis. Available now on demand through IFC. Check the site in the Links section below for availability in your area.

RATING:

3.5 OUT OF 5 CREEPER SANTAS

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Russell Wilson’s Wife Has a Jaw-Dropping Moment (Literally)

2012-05-08T18:32:00.000-04:00

A couple weeks ago on ESPN during the NFL draft, the network had exclusive cameras available in the homes of certain first round draft picks when they received the call that they were drafted to the NFL. Surrounded by friends and family, the camera would be used to capture the moment the young athlete found out that his dreams of playing pro football had finally come true and record that his natural reaction.

What they didn't know was that a special moment would be captured alright, when Russell Wilson found out that he was drafted, but his reaction would be upstaged by his wife...or should I say the agape mouth of his wife. I know it must be EXTREMELY exciting to find out that you have just become a millionaire and probably will never have to work again for the rest of your life, but I don't think I would try to take a chunk out of someone's flesh! Words will not do the moment any justice, so I will let you take a look for yourself at Mrs. Wilson's bizarre reaction (courtesy of sbnation.com), which is a future meme in the making...

Let's take a closer look, shall we...

Pretty scary, huh?

All I could think of as I watched this clip over and over again...


JAWS

ENDING OF SLEEPAWAY CAMP

STEVE TYLER, OF COURSE

"YOU SAY YOU WANNA PARTY?! IT'S PARTYTIME!"

Did I miss any cool references or can you think of any? Leave them below.

The Avengers (2012)

2012-05-06T17:18:00.000-04:00

Directed by Joss Whedon

After all of the introductory character films that hinted towards this film’s creation beginning with Iron Man in 2007, the long-awaited Avengers film has finally arrived. Nick Fury’s Avengers Initiative has been initiated just in time to kick off the slew of summer blockbusters heading our way and might just be the best of them all!

Fallen from grace, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) enacts revenge against his brother Thor’s (Chris Hemsworth) guardian planet Earth by enlisting the support of the alien race Chitauri and using the Tesseract energy source as a way to open a portal for them to attack the unsuspecting planet. When Loki compromises agent Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and a scientist (Stellan Skarsgaard) needed to put his plan into action, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) of S.H.I.E.L.D. realizes the only way to combat this enormous threat is to re-activate the abandoned Avengers Initiative. This includes the collaboration of Iron Man/Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor, Black Widow/Agent Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johannson), Captain America/Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), and The Hulk/Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton – bad move, Ed!) required to save Earth.

The initiative had the plugged pull on it some time back since the many individuals could not act as a cohesive unit due to highly conflicting personalities as well as ideologies and be the unstoppable force imagined by Fury. Now with no other reasonable option, the band is put together and the in-fighting quickly immediately re-establishes itself as the team’s Achilles Heel. The selfish Stark clashes with All-American diehard Rogers, demi-god Thor believes himself as an army of one, Romanoff is too worried about bringing Hawkeye back from under Loki’s power, and Banner is skeptical of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s true intentions for the Tesseract’s power as well as his unwillingness to ever unleash The Hulk again in fear of hurting others. Aware of the group’s division and refusal to be united, Loki allows himself to be captured by the group and imprisoned on their flying Helicarrier in order to engage the second phase of his master plan. The group must overcome their differences and unify or else the fate of their planet is doomed.

This film is not only a comic book fan’s wet dream, but it is also one heck of an action flick that should please the majority of moviegoers. As fun and enjoyable as the first two Iron Man movies as well as last year’s Captain America and Thor were for us to experience, director Joss Whedon takes this can’t-miss material and raises the stakes tenfold... make that a hundred-fold. If you don’t have a blast watching this flick, even if you are not a superhero fan, check your pulse to see if your still alive. It is like a comic book come to life, and dare it to be said, the best superhero film so far to grace the big screen with the most elite of special effects and a final act that cannot be described in words.

On one side, Hiddleston portrays the quintessential baddie Loki, maybe even better than forst his first attempt in last year's Thor. On the other hand, Downey is perfect again as the smug Stark, Evans plays the pure of heart Rogers to a tee, Johannson is rock solid as Widow, Renner is effective as Hawkeye’s with his dual personalities, Hemsworth hams it up with his accent as Thor, and Ruffalo’s take on Banner is a welcome one. Plus, Jackson is dead on as Fury and the lifeforce of the group. There are some surprise returns, such as Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts and Clark Gregg as the funny Agent Phil Coulson. Even Colbie Smulders trades her 80’s pop Robin Sparkles persona from How I Met Your Mother for a sidearm as the stern Agent Maria Hill. Acting is excellent all around with the actors playing well off each other and really helps to supplement the smorgasbord of action thrown in our faces.

D.C. and Warner Bros. certainly have their hands full later this summer trying to top this soon-to-be record setting motion picture, even if The Dark Knight Rises is as good as advertised. Meanwhile, Marvel’s all-star superhero team-up action flick brings us all of the action, comedy and satisfaction we were promised.

This is a must-see in theaters and the 3-D offering is highly recommended, whether comics are your thing or not. So "Assemble" and make sure to stay through the credits for two bonus scenes, one with an excellent surprise for what is to come in the future.

RATING:

5 out of 5 - PERFECT SCORE

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Pretty Dead (2012)

2012-05-03T18:05:00.001-04:00

Directed by Benjamin Wilkins

Nothing is more pleasing than when someone can take a tired formula and make it their own, especially when it comes to the zombie subgenre. Some recent examples of exploring fresh ground with flesheaters include Contagion and Die-ner (Get It?), which took different views on pending zombie apocalypses. Now, director Benjamin Wilkins gives us a whole other take with his independent feature Pretty Dead (Dangerously Low Productions).

The film begins with a girl confessing her desire to die to her video camera in an intriguing monologue. After she apologizes to her father and says her goodbyes, she puts a handgun in her mouth, the screen dips to black, and we hear a gunshot. Immediately, the film cuts to the next scene with the same girl, now in patient garments being analyzed by a physician/psychologist in a medical viewing room. After some probing by the doctor, the deformed girl, who we learn is named Regina, begins to tell her tale that led to her current plight.

California medical students Regina (the beautiful Carly Oates) and Ryan are a young couple in a new blossoming relationship, head over heels in love and carefree. One night during a get together with some pals, one of the friends brings over some cocaine that they got off a recently treated junkie patient. After getting a little wild, most of them decide to snort some and let loose. Having never tried cocaine before and against Ryan’s wishes, Regina justifies taking the drug so she can understand the mentality of the patients she will soon have in her care. They divulge in the festivities until Regina gets a nose bleed and proceeds to pass out in the hallway. Luckily, Regina is able to come to and life goes on as usual. Or does she?

Soon after, Ryan decides to propose which Regina happily accepts, right before she bites his chest hard enough to draw blood. They joke about her getting a little rough, until she starts to exhibit other really bizarre behavior such as eating raw bacon and stealing plasma as well as liquidized body fat from her clinical site to use as food. Now, normal food ha no nutritional effects on her and she becomes a hardcore insomniac. She hides all these intricacies until Ryan finds some empty plasma containers and she comes clean about her secrets. Most people would have freaked out, but the lighthearted Ryan takes it all in stride and accepts it because he loves her. In fact, he uses his video camera to document her latest phase as they both try to make sense of it.

Eventually, the bacon fat and plasma are not curing her cravings and she begins to blackout, causing her to do some harmful things whenever she fights her hunger. They finally deduct their hypothesis after remembering a Discovery Channel-like program about an ant portraying aggressive behavior from his others in its ant pack because it was infected by a rare fungal spore. When the ant finally fought against this spore long enough, the spore burst out of its head and infected all of the other ants it came in contact with. Fearing the same type of fungus has affected her as well, they both allow her to succumb to her hunger for fear of infecting those around her.

When Regina purchases a sidearm and instructs Ryan to kill her if she becomes too aggressive during one of her "blackouts", the situation becomes too much for him to handle. He leaves town and in doing so, leaves Regina alone to fend for herself against this mysterious infection. With her emotional rock gone, Regina becomes so desperate that she concocts a super anti-fungal to destroy the horror inside of her. At this point, she feels she has nothing to lose and downs the mixture, but instead the fungus fights back...big time. She calls for a pizza to be delivered to her home only to kill the delivery guy – talk about ordering in food! Ryan comes back just in time to see the aftermath and now realizes the situation is beyond dire.

Pretty Dead’s narrative is told using the found footage gimmick but does so without being annoying or distracting. All of the footage we see is either through Ryan’s video camera, friends’ home videos and security cameras. Thus, it totally eliminates the whole “well how did they shoot that if this is found footage?” issues that bother a great deal of viewers in films of this mold. You can tell the filmmakers took great steps to make sure that footage would not be considered bogus by using outlets such as Ryan videotaping his surprise engagement proposal to her and a recording of a little girl’s birthday party, for example. These are times in real life when most people would videotape events such as these so they can be kept as keepsakes over time. Another gratifying experience is that most of the usual shaky handheld in these kind of flicks is non-apparent, since the security cameras are mounted and that Ryan sets up and stabilizes his camera to record the days in her progress into pure cannibalism.

Another satisfactory note is that it is a fresh take on the zombie film without beating us all over the head that it is indeed a zombie picture. In 1987’s Near Dark, the word vampire is never used even it is obvious that the villains are indeed bloodsuckers who burn in sunlight. In Pretty Dead, it is obvious that Regina is a zombie, but that word is never uttered. She could almost be viewed as a deranged cannibal since she speaks and maintains her high intellect. It is intriguing when a film is able to project something like that without trying to be in uniform of similar pics that have preceded it.

Combining first-person found footage and zombie/cannibal flicks already creates a recipe for fun, but this little budget shoe stringer’s strength lies in Oates acting. She is essentially what keeps this film going and her performance gives a realistic feel to all that is happening throughout the running time. Oates’ effectively portrays Regina's transformation over time from a happy young woman to one digressing into a state of depression and utter grief. The feeling she emotes make you feel sympathy for her character and keeps the audience engaged in doing so.

Pretty Dead is pretty good…actually it is really pretty excellent! It might sound a bit like Fangoria’s debut I, Zombie, but it is extremely different and done a thousand times better. The folks at Dangerously Low Productions are currently in talks for a distribution deal and they definitely deserve one for themselves and for the many moviegoers who will benefit from seeing their film. For more information on the movie and to see when it might be available in your area, check out the links below.

And stay around after the credits are finished rolling.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Creeper Santas

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Second Best Sports Siblings: Brett Lindros

2012-05-01T18:51:00.000-04:00

Today’s Induction: Brett Lindros

Say what you want about Eric Lindros' failure to win a Stanley Cup, but head injuries and lack of maturity halted him from being mentioned in the same breathe as Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux. He had a solid career while using his rare hybrid of speed, physicality and point scoring ability as shown during his 1995 Hart Trophy season and 7 All Star Game Selections. Before Scott Stevens turned his brains into jelly during 2000 Eastern Conference Finals, he was fun to watch on the ice.

Then there was Brett Lindros. He had the same facial features as his brother, but was pretty much a goon who was selected by the New York Islanders ninth overall in the 1994 draft based on his last name alone. The only notable thing he would do was to have fist fights with his bro during Isles-Flyers games...if that's any indication of what type of player he was.

Unfortunately, he showed that soft noggins were in the Lindros DNA and was forced to retire in 1996 after playing in only 51 games across two season while amassing a mere 7 points (2 G, 5 A) and a whopping 147 penalty minutes. His downward spiral in life continued in a 2001 snowmobile accident where he was charged with operating a snow machine without a license or permit, under the influence of alcohol no less.

But he did become the spokesperson for professional sports head injuries and even used his good looks and swagger to host some sports programming up until the time of his accident. And for that, we salute you Brett and your 7 NHL points...which are 7 more than most of us have totaled in our lifetimes.

Tale of the Tape:

Eric Lindros, C ('92 - '07)

Career Stats: 372 G - 493 A - 865 P - 1398 PIM

Accolades: 7 All Star Game Appearances

1995 Hart Trophy for League MVP

Brett Lindros, RW ('94 - '96)

Career Stats: 2 G - 5 A - 7 P - 147 PIM

Accolades: N/A

Nada

WWE Extreme Rules 2012 Results and Recap

2012-04-29T23:09:00.000-04:00

Just a few weeks after Wrestlemania 28, the WWE asks you for another $55 donation to see their next PPV live from Chicago, Extreme Rules. To justify your wallet's extraction, Vince McMahon did the unthinkable, the improbable, and the impossible by bringing former WWE and UFC champ Brock Lesnar back home. Of course, never underestimate the power of a guaranteed one-year, 5 million dollar contract. Each match has an "extreme" stipulation that sets this PPV from the rest, so as they say in UFC "Let's Get It On!"

YouTube Pre-Show: Extreme U.S. Title Match
Santino Marella (c) vs. The Miz

Where has The Miz been since helping Team Johnny win at Wrestlemania? He has no story line and nothing to do on TV, so they throw him in a match here for the U.S. Title. Santino is such a great comedy act that the U.S. Title serves him no purpose any longer, but it could help Miz rebuild his quickly flushed credibility. The sad thing is that they are giving this match away for free, so the importance of it deems low at this point.

RESULT:
Santino retains the U.S. Title via The Cobra.

Guess Miz is done in the WWE. He started things off well when he first came out and trashed Chicago in typical Miz fashion while complaining that he has fallen far from the main event scene. Good kickoff and a free match to boot so no complaints here.

Now on to the matches you needed to pay for...

Extreme Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Orton vs. Kane

They still had nothing for these guys to do, so they dragged this feud out for this event. Good thing it's on first to get it out of the way. Kane won the match at 'Mania and Orton followed up with a win the next night. This is the blow off match and all signs point to Randy putting Kane away and sparing us all of this angle continuing any further.

RESULT:

Orton wins the RKO.

Even though this feud has been a steady flat-line, this match was surprisingly entertaining with weapons being involved in the match less than two minutes into it. They left the ring early and never looked back, so we definitely got our fill of no falls counting any and everywhere. Then Orton with machine gun chair shots on Kane was just brutal. And we got to see Zack Ryder on the PPV for a cameo in this match.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Johnny Lauriniatis and Eve drink champagne in celebration of People Power and humiliate Teddy Long once again. Triple H calls Johnny's cell to tell him something important off-camera. Guess we'll find out later.

Surprise Match

"The Funkasaurus" Brodus Clay vs. Dolph Ziggler

This one came out of nowhere. I think most people really liked The Funkasaurus gimmick until Hornswoggle wad added to the mix, so hopefully they will dump him from it soon. Anyway, to continue the feud of Clay vs. Guerrero's Stable, we have this added attraction. Good news is that Ziggler is on the PPV, but bad news is that he will probably be jobber fodder to Clay.

RESULT:

Clay wins via pin after the body splash.

Chicago crowd cheered for Ziggler the whole time. Gotta love Chicago for being smart fans! It wasn't a squash match thankfully, but the result was still as expected.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: We see a flashback from the Pre-Show where Eve makes Teddy Long spin the wheel to determine the stipulation of the Rhodes-Show match, which spun to a Tables Match.

WWE Intercontinental Championship (Tables Match)
Cody Rhodes vs. Big Show (c)

Ever since Big Show won the IC belt at WM, it seems to have lost all of the prestige and credibility that Rhodes was hoping to bring back to the title. It's not Big Show's fault. It's just that he has been involved in a ton of tag matches with Great Khali and not actually defending the title, making it more a prop than anything. He has been getting over on embarrassing Rhodes lately, so it seems that the title will be hotshot back to Rhodes now that Show had his Wrestlemania moment. If not, maybe Rhodes is next in line for a great world title run?

RESULT:

Rhodes recaptures the title after he kicks Show who slips off the apron causing his foot to fall through the table.

Whew that was a mouthful of a result! After being beat up throughout most of this short match, Rhodes used his cunning to make Show "botch" and take the title back. In what seemed to be an attempt at a "double turn", Show blindsided Rhodes with a spear and threw him through a few tables. Rhodes showed his tenacity by getting up from the last bump after officials seemed like they were calling for the stretcher and walked out with his belt on his own accord to many loud chants from the fans.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Daniel Bryan explains the many reasons why he will reclaim his belt and chants "YES!" He insults the Chicago fans in the the process, making them chant "NO!" for a great deal of heat.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match: Extreme 2 of 3 Falls
Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan

At least with this match, we are guaranteed longer than the 18 seconds we fans were jibbed in their Wrestlemania opening match. Still, the attempt to bury Bryan backfired by turning him into a martyr and making the "Yes!" chant the new "What?" and skyrocketing his popularity. Meanwhile, that match also became an unintentional "double turn" as backlash formed against the formerly white hot Sheamus, who now hears his share of boos. Even though his title reign has been tepid at best, expect Sheamus to walk out with the belt and opening a door for Bryan to chase another title. Maybe CM Punk?

RESULT:

First Fall: Sheamus by DQ for ignoring the 5-count.

Second Fall: Bryan instantly puts on YES-Lock and Sheamus submitted.

Final Fall: Sheamus retained with the Brogue Kick

Bryan is white hot right now even in defeat. No matter how hard he tried to get the fans to hate him, the "Daniel Bryan" and "Yes!" chants were often and deafening. This match could have very well stolen the show. Totally made up for their :18 second joke at WM.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Santino and Khali watch the monitor to see Ryback's handicap match.

Handicap Match
Ryback vs. two jobbers

Another surprise match with Goldberg...oops Ryback in a surprise handicap match against two skinny white dudes who insult the crowd before Ryback SMASH!

RESULT:

Ryback, of course.

Chicago constantly chanted Goldberg, which was hilarious. This match was nothing you haven't seen on Raw or Smackdown over the last few weeks.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: CM Punk says that he is going to give Jericho a hangover and plays off the alcoholic father deal while making Chicago pop when he calls him 20,000 of his closest friends.

Extreme Chicago Street Fight WWE Title Match
CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho

Not sure what's the difference is between a regular Extreme Rules match and a Chicago Street Fight, but I'm sure it was named as such to play on Punk as Chicago's Son coming back home. Their match a 'Mania was a classic and this one has the potential to top that one. Even if it doesn't, it's poised to be better than this disappointing straight edge angle between two of the best in the world in the ring and on the microphone. If reports of Jericho taking time off are true, Punk wins this one easy unless they will play up a final rematch at SummerSlam with Punk chasing the title all summer.

RESULT:

Punk retains title after hitting the GTS.

While the last match was chock full of high spots and scientific wrestling, the storytelling here was simply a flat out brawl. Even the Chicago faithful started the "E-C-W!" chants when Punk started using the Kendo Stick on Jericho. It was very different from their battle in Miami and seemed to convey the right type of feel considering where the feud stands at this point. The addition of Punk's family into the match was a nice touch.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Eve informs Beth she is not medically cleared to wrestle but Nikki will fight a surprise oppponent.

Extreme WWE Divas Championship Match
Nikki Bella (c) vs. a surprise opponent

The formula for this match is real simple: Nikki beating Beth + Nikki getting squashed for the title by a returning Kharma on tomorrow night's RAW or tonight at Extreme Rules + Kharma and Beth equaling a "money" match at Summerslam - Bella Twins reportedly leaving WWE in two days = Nikki retaining as to not give away Kharma vs. Beth for free. Unless they give the belt back to Beth here and have Kharma deliver a not-so fond farewell to the Bella Twins for calling her fat last year. It would make sense for the former option since the title change last week would make sense, but when was the last time WWE tried to make sense?

RESULT:
Layla wins the Divas Title when she neckbreakers Brie after failed Twin Magic.

Everyone in the arena (and even yours truly) was marking out because they thought they were getting Kharma's return one night early. Remember what I said about WWE making sense? Well, instead we get a returning Layla who wins to a very bored crowd let down after the fake Kharma tease. Maybe they will come full circle with the angle tomorrow night with the return of Kharma?

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Johnny L. tells Matt Striker that he and Triple H will reveal their private discussion tomorrow on RAW (plug!!!!), but now everyone should get ready for People Power.

Extreme Rules Match
Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

How can you make fans forget about The Rock ditching the WWE after beating Cena at WM 28? Just have Brock Lesnar return and destroy Cena the next night and weeks afterward. You cannot help but feel the adrenaline and change of course the WWE is undergoing since he returned on April 2, whether you were ever a fan of the guy or not. With a 5 million dollar investment and creative control, there is no way Lesnar loses to Cena in his first match back with the company. If you are not liking it, get used to it, because Brock is back and the main heel going until Wrestlemania 29.

RESULT:

John Cena defeats Brick Lesnar with the Attitude Adjustment on the ring steps.

Wow this was shocking. This should have established Lesnar as the man and a true Worldbeater. Seconds into the match, Cena was legit busted open and was made out to be totally over-matched. It was not the technical classic of Bryan-Sheamus or the storytelling of Punk-Jericho, but it was a raw and brutal thing to witness. But Brock needs to work on the cardio because he was sweating way too often and early for a man who didn't move around that much. Then, John Cena gets on the mic and talks about going away or something to that effect so not sure what they have in store with the character.

FINAL VERDICT:

A Chicago crowd can make the most tepid of live wrestling events seem a lot better than what they truly are. They have so much energy and are not afraid to let loose. Love Chi-Town for that. For Extreme Rules, the Punk-Jericho, Bryan-Sheamus and even the one-sided Lesnar-Cena matches were totally worth the price of admission and the PPV itself was a worthy follow-up to Wrestlemania 28. Can't wait to see what directions the aforementioned feuds go on this week's RAW and Smackdown. The main event was supposed to solidify Brock Lesnar as bringing us a new direction for the WWE, but now his existence is a giant question mark. Where last year we saw a Super Face (Rock) against a fellow Super Face (Cena) in a generational year-long feud, 2012 was going to give us an Uber Heel in Lesnar with Extreme Rules PPV setting the stage for the rest of the year. Not sure what this loss means for Lesnar's character, but the idea to have him lose in his first match back is a bad one. Booking aside, this was an awesome PPV to watch as a fan and it was a lot of fun to watch along with one of pro wrestling's best fan bases.

American Reunion (2012)

2012-04-26T15:30:00.000-04:00

Directed by John Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg

The crew from East Great Falls is back together in full force for their high school reunion - as you can probably tell from the film's title. For the first time since American Pie 2, the entire cast is back for more hijinks that people their age should not be getting involved with. You can take the kids out of high school, but you can't take the high school out of the kids and so years after the American Wedding, we have another installment full of gags that are sure to please.

A few days prior to the East Great Falls high school reunion, Jim (Jason Biggs), Oz (Chris Klein), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nichols), and Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) decide to meet up a few days in advance for their own private get together. Unfortunately for them, but not for the viewers, Stifler (Seann William Scott) catches the boys out at the local bar and they have no choice but to allow him to tag along.

Times have changed for the core group since they last saw each other. Jim is now a dad, but the sexual playground in his marriage to Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) has become dormant since they have become parents and hope that their time at the reunion will help spice things up. Oz has become a famous TV sports talk host and mini-celebrity who has a beautiful model girlfriend Kia (the stunning Katrina Bowden) yet lacks the true companionship he has always desired since high school. The always sensitive Kevin is happily married to his sweet wife (Charlene Amoia), who willingly allows him to spend time with the "boys". Finch has become a man on the level of the dude from the Dos Equis commercials, with the world as his oyster. Then there is Stifler, who is a disgruntled assistant to a douchey boss at a major Chicago conglomerate, but he still is the same old "Stifler" and acts like the man in charge.

The group begins to relive memories of their old high school days as more familiar faces come into the fold, such as Vicky (Tara Reid) and Heather (Mena Suvari). While Heather is in a relationship with an egotistical cardiologist, the attraction between her and Oz are stronger than ever, creating conflict with their current significant others. Vicky and Kevin still seem to have a bond, even though Kevin is more than content in his marriage and they separated a long time ago. Stifler still treats women as common trash and has not matured in the least since the last time we saw the character on screen. Finch might not be the person he has been telling everyone he has become, even his new love interest (Dania Ramirez). Jim is being sought after by the (now) 18-year old cutie Kara (Ali Cobrin), who he used to babysit, and his dad (Eugene Levy) is attempting to get back in the dating scene after being lonely since his wife passed. Add their side stories together then mix them up, and you have the usual type of crazy situations the guys and gals experienced in the original.

While the main cast is back, there are other key original characters who check in. John Cho has an extended role as the MILF, Guy while Natasha Lyonne and Shannon Elizabeth return in brief cameos as Jessica and Nadia. Of course, no true reunion would be complete without the inclusion of Stifler's mom (Jennifer Coolidge). Then, there are the hilarious celebrity cameos which include Neil Patrick Harris, Rebecca De Mornay and Chad Johnson/Ochocinco.

The film starts off with major belly-busting laughs, but it starts to taper off as the film continues. This is due to the extended length that kept the second installment from staying up with the original and the unneeded dramatics that occur later on as well. While it does not make the film horrible by any means, it is simply too long and could have been shorter and just as effective.

This Reunion should only be attended by fans of the original, specifically those who were in their high school/college years in the 90's. The gross out jokes, gags and even the soundtrack are derived from that decade, so the impact will possibly be lost on childhood products of other generations. A better sequel than the second installment and slightly above par of Wedding, it is definitely worth checking out and a proper send-off for the franchise. At least this American Pie universe acts as if all of those awful straight-to-video bore fests never existed.

RATING:

3 out of 5 Creeper Santas

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The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

2012-04-15T19:20:00.000-04:00

Directed by Drew Goddard

You were warned. The tagline for the film states "You think you know the story" and many moviegoers are going to see this film thinking they know exactly what they are in for. But even if they watched the trailer over and over again, they will still think they know exactly what to expect, and that will be their downfall. You were warned about this Drew Goddard-Joss Whedon lovechild, but you will probably ignore the warning...just like the teens in countless horror films ignore the old man's warnings to stay away from danger. The Cabin in the Woods is a flick that is probably the most difficult film to review, simply because you cannot fully review it without spoiling it. Since the surprises are part of the film's key strength, The Man-Cave will do its best to give you a firsthand account of the film without ruining anything that you have not already seen in the trailer.

A group of stereotypical college students head to a cabin in the woods to party down after one of the group member's relative just bought the place that is literally off the grid and in total seclusion. You know the usual roster you find in these films: the alpha male athlete (Thor's Chris Hemsworth), the dumb blonde slut (Anna Hutchison), the stoner (Fran Kranz), the token racially diverse and good guy (Jesse Williams), and the sort-of virgin (Kristen Connolly). They all end up at a small, creepy looking cabin complete with a trapdoor in the floor leading to a creepy cellar filled with all kinds of oddities that will make you scream EVIL DEAD...but you won't even be half right.

While the teens are going through the normal motions seen in most of these manufactured slasher flicks, there is something happening below unbeknownst to them and completely out of their control. Come on...you saw the trailer a zillion times from the trailer, so you definitely know about the damn elevator. But with that my friends, that's all The 'Cave can provide, or you'd all be dealt a major injustice.

Cabin is a slasher flick which celebrates the manufactured horror film mold and is one that will only be appreciated by serious horror fans, because it is heavily garnered to them (us). It contains a powerful message for the Hollywood horror film packaging plant, made by those in the industry who want to see a new age of horror and that message will only be recognized and appreciated by those who are in on the joke.

There are more references to the genre than you can fully digest in one viewing, especially in the exciting final act, but a Scream or a Scary Movie this film is not. While those films parodied the genre and listed the long list of cliches found in horror films, this film is a smack to the face of genre flicks. It is a social commentary of sorts and maybe even satirical, but it is a a call to action to both horror fans and those who are manufacturing the same ole'-same ole' brainless horror films in the mainstream to step up the creativity. This call of action may not be followed in the future, but don't blame Whedon and Goddard at least they tried to get the point across to all of us.

The weird thing about Cabin is that you might not enjoy it while you are actually watching it, but the message and metaphors will stay with you for days after and you won't be able to stop thinking about it. The message is not profound or philosophical like a Citizen Kane or Memento, so horror fanatics will understand what this film is trying to express while others are going to storm out of the theater complaining that they just got taken for $12. That is where the major rift of hardcore horror fans and mainstream/casual fans in the audience is going to form. However, shouts of praise for it being "pure genius" among horror fans might be taking it too far and marking out for the plethora of references is going to be too much, because the references as well as the film's mantra are intended be extremely obvious to them.

This movie is clever and will make your eyes light up once you have that "Ah-Ha!!" moment and will have no middle ground on what side you devote your loyalty. Cabin is thwarted by a slow first half, but things pick up when...well you'll see. Those expecting a serious horror film will also be disappointed because this one is heavy on laughs, with injections of both light and dark comedy, to the point of being a horror-comedy in every sense of the hybrid phrase.

The acting is rather good. Franz is outstanding as our stoner, plus Bradley Whitfield is vintage Bradley Whitfield. Is there a more convincing snarky, condescending smart-ass actor on the planet and who has been doing it in the business longer than Mr. Whitfield? Absolutely not. Richard Jenkins is also a great casting choice for his role and will also keep you laughing.

So there you have it. The Man-Cave's best attempt at reviewing a film that really cannot be discussed without ruining it, however feel free to discuss and spoil in the comments section below. Again, it's a clever film in its messaging, a marketing nightmare to promote by the studios due to major spoilers and one that you should see in the theaters only if you are an extreme horror fan - because this film is for you and your possible ideologies. Mainstreamers might be best waiting for it on video or totally skipping altogether. You were warned.

RATING:

3.5 out of 5 Creeper Santas

TRAILER:

LINKS:
OFFICIAL SITE

NON-SPOILER AND SPIRITED REVIEW AT FREDDY IN SPACE

CassaFire (2012) by Alex J. Cavanaugh

2012-04-12T18:32:00.000-04:00

After the star comes the Fire! Blogger and author Alex J. Cavanaugh’s follow up to his debut sci-fi novel CassaStar has finally arrived for the masses to enjoy. Last year, Cavanaugh used the bloggersphere and social media to self-promote his first publishing venture to amazing results and fanfare. His sci-fi epic was covered by many of the web’s best blogs heavily coveted in the literary-related side of the blog world. Reviews were justifiably amazing and left readers begging for a sequel. The people wanted it and Cavanaugh delivered it. The result is CassaFire, a continuation of the sci-fi universe established in his first book.

Many years have passed since the Cassans were able to turn the tide in the Vindicarn War. The final battle’s hero Bryon, whose immense teleportation talents transcended those within his highly telepathic Cassan race, used his special abilities and extraordinary piloting capabilities to basically win the war on his own. While the Cassans overcame their foes, the rookie’s loss of his mentor and best friend, Bassa, during the interplanetary feud made victory only bittersweet.

Now considered a war hero and legend in his own time, the older Bryon kept his promise to Bassa by revoking his status as a fighter pilot and becoming a part of the Cassan exploration team to see the universe for more than just a battlefield. His current mission aboard the Rennather takes him to the planet of Tgren, where the ruins and technology of an unidentified alien race has been uncovered.

The Cassans arrive as guests to the Tgren race since their technology is far superior to the planet’s hosts. Tensions rise due to the Cassans ability of telepathy amongst their own people as well as maintain the means of intergalactic travel and being armed with heavy weaponry. The Tgrens are a more simple society, whose highest level of advancement lies in their fighter planes that only remain airborne within their planet’s atmosphere, like an F-15. While the Cassan scientific team works to decode the message of the mysterious alien machinery and establish the race’s origin, the Tgrens begrudgingly allow the Cassan to test members of their race for telepathic gifts as well.

Still the loner, Bryon detects a high level of telepathy within a female named Athee, whose test readings register at such an apex, that his top ranking officers take a special interested in her. This initiative makes tensions boil even higher since Athee is the Tgren Prefect’s niece and he is extremely cautious about the Cassans true intentions for her. Meanwhile, Bryon is ordered by his superiors to help harness her newly discovered gift completely against his will.

Bryon is still silently grieving over the loss of Bassa, even after all these years, so he remains as introverted as he was throughout CassaStar. But as beautiful as she is cunning, Athee is able to make a connection with him during their time together and a romance begins to blossom. This along with a new friendship formed with geeky yet dedicated scientist Mevine, who reveres Bryon for his legendary war hero status, a crack in the shell surrounding Bryon created by his inner conflict begins to form.

As the story progresses, more is learned about the alien race as well as the extent of Athee’s powers. The combination of both factors could not cause the end of their new relationship, but the end of the peace between the two races when a potential war begins to manifest on the horizon.

CassaFire is a successful book because it expands on the universe in Cassastar and does not attempt to replicate it. While CassaStar is like an advanced Wing Commander video game novelization with human relationships and a tad of Jedi-ism thrown in for good measure, CassaFire ditches the shoot ‘em up approach to be more reminiscent of anti-space battle science fiction. This opens the door wide open for Cavanaugh’s future expansion of his story’s world to many exciting opportunities and various situations to come. Some reviewers have compared it to Buck Rogers, which probably relates back to the old TV show’s second season aboard the exploration ship The Voyager, but only if that season was done the right way and did not become a silly bore.

Cavanaugh’s best inclusion this time around was the addition of Athee, the first meaningful female character in the universe. Since CassaStar’s characters were all male, except an early and brief appearance by Bryon’s sister, this really helped the change of pace in this sequel. A majority of that book’s fans clamored for a female protagonist and Cavanaugh did what anyone looking to be successful in literature should do: listen to the fans. He even takes the time to explain why there are no women in the Cassan military and how their special abilities differ from the males.

CassaFire is worth investing your time and money, but it is highly suggested that you read CassaStar first, if you haven’t already. While the book’s content is different than its predecessor, it is not a one-off book to indulge and doing so will leave you a bit lost. Plus, you’d being doing yourself a huge disservice by not reading Cavanaugh’s debut effort as well. This author really seems to be catching his stride and boasting more of his talent this time around. If you are looking for a fun and easy read that will entertain you with interesting characters, make sure to "Catch Fire" with CassaFire.

CassaFire is available now on Amazon as a paperback or an e-book. You can purchase it by clicking the link below and make sure to check out the author on his self-titled blog, Alex J. Cavanaugh.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Supernovas

BUY IT NOW: AMAZON

WATCH THE TRAILER:

XFINITY Live! is Philly and South Jersey’s Newest Sports Attraction

2012-04-10T17:59:00.000-04:00

Over the last decade, the Philadelphia Sports Complex section on Broad Street has undergone a massive reconstruction with Lincoln Financial Field and Citizen Bank Park replacing the classic Veteran’s Stadium and the Wells Fargo Center hosting the Flyers, 76ers and other entertainment attractions instead of the Spectrum. Late last year, the city bid adieu to its last piece of old school sports and entertainment history when the Spectrum was torn down in favor of a new addition has been sorely lacking in the area, an entertainment complex for good food, good drinks and even better times. If they could not score tickets to sold out events, the only place for sports fans to hang out on while their team’s were playing included CBP’s overly crowded McFadden’s, the Wells Fargo Center’s swanky Cadillac Grille (where it costs $20 just to get in for a couple hours, if you are not a premium season ticket holder) and the vanilla AT&T Pavilion which has lost its luster over time, as well as Chickie and Pete’s across the street and well away from the action. That has now changed with XFINITY LIVE!, which opened its doors to the public a few weeks ago.

With its theme heavily focused on the area’s past and present sports history, XFINITY LIVE! is host to several places for people to hang out, eat, drink, or root on their home team to victory. Each of these mini venues within the complex has a little something for everyone’s tastes and strokes and gives it a unique atmosphere to the region.

The NBC Sports Arena is a seating area with a full service bar and a menu with some goodies to go along with your spirits. As an added bonus, you watch the game of the day on the giant screen that resides over the bar, with a full sound system so that you will not miss any action.

Did you ever want to save a horse and ride a cowboy…or vice versa? Philly gets some southern flair with the PBR Bar and Grill. This enclosed area features a good menu, full service bar and a functioning mechanical bull that you can test your skills on in its epicenter. Everyone will be able to see you do your best cowboy/cowgirl impression, so proceed with caution. For the guys, the added bonus is the choice of wardrobe by the lovely waitresses – cowgirl hats and boots, daisy dukes and flannels showing midriffs. And the ladies will pleased by what the guys are wearing too so they don't feel left out.

The Spectrum Grill is a more upscale venue, but nonetheless enjoyable if you are able to get seated in there. Drinks aside, this is a genuine steakhouse bar with some great cuts of meat and a lavish menu. Its walls adorning the late Spectrum’s greatest memories in both sports and concert events, this place is located in a more intimate setting than the others without projecting any snob-like qualities. When you walk in, the first thing you will notice is a very detailed replica of the Stanley Cup commemorating the Flyers back-to-back championships in the 70’s, courtesy of the Broad Street Bullies era.

Speaking of the Bullies, you can also enjoy the atmosphere of Flyers hockey at the Broad Street Bullies Pub. They do have a small selection of choices to select from on the menu, but the main draw is its 48 beers on tap. In some ways, this replaces the old Bullies bar that was located at the bottom of the old Spectrum. If you want to relive the glory years of the Flyers’ successful franchise, this is your spot, as you can see tons of old photos from the team’s greatest moments and jerseys on the wall.

The Victory Beer Hall is definitely the most unique of the venues and by far the best place to go whether a game is happening or not. The Hall has a German-style theme that makes you feel like you are celebrating Oktoberfest, even if it is June. The seating is all bench style and the menu contains a variety of sausages to enjoy, such as the bratwurst, knockwurst and even a good old American style hot dog, each served on a bun with tasty sauerkraut and accenting the German flair a step further. This is where you will find an excellent style of beer choices for serious aficionados, such as the ones containing 9.3% ABV. You can definitely leave this place a little more than tipsy. It also has a stage where live bands are always performing, several TV screens so you can keep your eye on games in progress and a great little outside area complete with a fire pit.

Upstairs is a VIP area where you can sit atop the complex and overlook all of Live!'s going-ons throughout. Besides the better quality of seats and personal bathrooms, you can tell that this place exudes VIP status since its walls contain jerseys of elite players like Reggie White, Roy Halladay and Danny Briere, while downstairs has mounted jerseys such as lesser players like Brandon Graham. Just saying. But there is nothing at all wrong with hanging out among the common folk below, so let’s explore that next.

Want to just hang out in pure Philly style? The complex’s epicenter hosts The Philly Marketplace that contains a selection of random tables, some with fully functional beer taps, where you can enjoy drinks from another full service bar and some of the area’s tasty treats like Chickie and Pete’s and Nick’s Roast Beef. You can enjoy the game by checking out the NBC Sports Arena’s big screen, which is in perfect view.

Need to get some air? Outside of the complex is just as engaging as its interior. There is a large, gated area with a stage for you to listen to live bands as you enjoy your variety of beer stations with such companies as Leinenkugel’s, Coors and Foster’s, to name a few. There is also the NBC Sports Field, a little artificial turf football field with games for the kids, and several statues commemorating Philly greats such as Julius Erving, Bobby Clarke and Kate Smith. Finally, there is a 24-ft. wide video board called the XFINITY On Demand Theater that shows sporting events as well as (safe for the whole family) films.

Like anywhere, especially in a city full of passionate sports fans, there are going to be drawbacks. For one, it is brand new, so tons of people will be down there to check it out for the first time. It is also decent-sized, but can easily become overcrowded when there are multiple sporting events happening at once, especially during home games. Another detractor would be the prices, as you can drop some serious dough if you buy food and drinks. But keep in mind that it is Philadelphia after all and the prices are no more expensive than Chickie and Pete’s or McFadden's. Whatever coin you drop at those places, expect to do the same here as well. Also, make sure to avoid the "Reserved Parking" areas, which entrances are located on the road between Lincoln Financial Field and XFINITY Live! itself in the Wells Fargo Center parking lot. If you are only parking to occupy the venue, the parking is advertised as being free, so please make sure to avoid the reserved sections unless you desperately want to pay to park. Lastly, with all of the alcohol outlets through the complex, you can imagine that there is going to be more than one person who has a bit too much and lead to some rowdy behavior shortly afterward. Luckily, there seems to be a ton of security who is always alert and concentrating on keeping the patrons in line. However, the positives do more than outweigh the positives, so view the aforementioned drawbacks as courtesy warnings and friendly "heads ups".

Overall, it is truly a fun place to occupy whether you are either a Philly sports fan or a sports fan in general. If sports are not your thing, this is still a great place to grab some grub and some great brew, especially in the Victory Beer Hall. Afternoons and non-gamedays are going to be the best times to bring the kiddies along if you want to attend with the family and avoid the crowds, but anytime is a good time to spend with friends after your working day is done.

If you have not yet had the pleasure of checking out XFINITY Live!, do not hesitate to go down there for some gratifying entertainment. This is a welcome addition to the facelift which has occurred within the Philadelphia Sport Complex area and makes you feel like you are a part of the action, even if you don’t have a ticket to enter the nearby turnstiles and attend in person.

LINKS:

XFINITY LIVE! Official site

XFINITY Live on Facebook

Shows You Should Be Watching: Peep Show (UK, 2003 - present)

2012-04-05T17:43:00.000-04:00

Rare is that any TV series can stand the test of time without becoming stale. It is no exception in the UK’s TV business just as it is for those in the U.S.. Mind you that UK series (U.S. seasons) only have a fraction of the episode quantities ordered by their networks per year as opposed to the U.S., but they are given just as short leashes to thrive as in the States. So the fact that "britcom" Peep Show has been on the air since 2003 really proves the wonderfulness of this little show and is a show you should be watching...even if you have to wait for it on DVD.

At first glance, Peep Show follows the standard “odd couple” formula. Mark Corrigan (David Mitchell) is the quintessential straight man - tidy, career-oriented and well versed. He shares a flat with his friend Jeremy (Robert Webb), or Jez, who his polar opposite in every way. He is jobless, into partying hard, lives pipe dreams of being in the music industry, and relies on Mark to handle serious matters in life such as borrowing money for food and rent.

Here is where the show becomes unique within the formula and shatters the mold set with shows before it. For no matter how Mark and Jez appear on the surface, they both view life extremely unrealistically. For example, Mark relentlessly tries to climb the corporate ladder and impress his boss Alan Johnson (Paterson Joseph) yet he does not have the intestinal fortitude to ask his colleague Sophie (Olivia Colman), who he is madly infatuated with, out on a date. He is a nerdy guy who is utterly romantically awkward and declares every woman who gives him the time of day as “The One”. Meanwhile, Jez thinks he is a hip and cool misunderstood artist, thanks to his degenerate friend Super Hans (Matt King), as well as a chick magnet yet he is really an unmotivated slacker with no musical talent and always ends up dominated in bad romantic relationships. He is a legend in his own mind and a know-it-all who cannot cope with the pressures of the real world and serves no benefit as a partner to his friends or any woman he develops sexual relationships with. No matter what, they always find themselves in the most awkward and dire of situations, much to the audience’s pleasure.

Mark and Jez maintain a distorted vision of who they truly are, saying one thing to someone but thinking the complete opposite way internally and totally looking out for their own gains with each other and those they interact with. The show is never presented in the basic third person view, but only through first-person shots of either Mark or Jez, where we hear their true inner thoughts via voiceovers. We are essentially receiving a peep show into their true thoughts while looking through their eyes, which then immediately jumps to the other person’s POV where we hear what they actually say to the other character. And it always contrary to what we just heard them say to themselves in their voiceovers. This is where the show gets its dynamic and what provides Peep Show with both its title and hilarious material.

Having completed its seventh series in 2010, with series 8 and 9 on the way, the show’s constantly evolving in both the characters and story lines, which simply has not gotten repetitive, not “jumped the shark” and, most importantly, not become boring over the many years. It is a show that you will keep watching consecutively episode after episode, unable to stop until you see what the next installment has in store. The two main characters also continue to grow as individuals as well as form a stronger bond between each other. Even though they sometimes cannot tolerate each others’ dispositions, they realize that they are the best of friends they could truly ever hope for and rely on each other to help them through their many struggles. Of course, most of the time their well meaning actions usually cause the other quite a bit of unintentional misery but give the audience a great laugh, even though we shouldn’t be reveling in their despair.

Webb and Mitchell are a phenomenal comedy team who have been together for a long time with perfect chemistry. If these guys really aren’t friends in real life, then they truly are the greatest actors who ever lived. They play off each other so well that you’d be remiss to find another pairing who could pull this wonderful show off at such a peak level, especially when Webb and Mitchell seem to be improvising during their inner thought voiceovers.

Colman, King, Joseph, and Neil Fitzmaurice, who plays perennial Mark-bully Jeff, are the shows mainstays, while other impact characters come and go throughout seasons. This character transition is mostly evident in Jez’s girl obsession of the year, with notable beautiful actresses such as Rachel Blanchard (Road Trip), Vera Filatova and Sophie Winkleman, who U.S. audiences might recognize from Two and a Half Men and the short-lived 100 Questions.

While you laugh hysterically, Peep Show is unlike most sitcoms, with episodes never ending on a happy note. For some odd reason, it is all part of the show's charm. You can watch all of the seasons by purchasing them on Amazon and buying them is a great idea since every episode is worth multiple viewings. At only six episodes per series and running only close to 30 minutes each, the show is a great comedy from overseas worth watching even if you are not a fan of British humor.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Drunken Dogs

LINKS:

OFFICIAL SITE

Death Warmed Up (1986)

2012-04-03T18:24:00.000-04:00

Directed by Michael Blyth

A few years before Peter Jackson introduced his work to the world in Bad Taste, fellow New Zealand filmmaker Michael Blyth added a gory film to the horror genre with Death Warmed Up. Yes, as in you look like “death warmed up”. A film that heavily borrows from Night of the Living Dead and The Island of Dr. Moreau, Blyth’s film just screams 80’s foreign horror with a nonexistent plot and seemingly made for the purpose to hop on the thriving horror bandwagon during that decade.

Michael Hurst, of Hercules: The Legend Continues’ fame, plays youngster Michael, whose father is the main roadblock in Dr. Archer Howell’s (Gary Day) crusade of inhumane experiments on patients at a local mental ward. Howell uses Michael as his recent scientific development to eradicate that roadblock by hypnotizing him in to blow his family away with a shotgun. Unaware of what he has done, Michael is locked away in the mental ward while Howell is free to continue his ghastly work unmolested of any wrong doings.

Years later, Michael is released and sets off on a vacation with his friends to settle the score with Howell, unbeknownst to his three pals. During the time of his incarceration, the mad doctor has set up shop in an underground location, which looks so 80’s that you’d expect Rubix Cubes and window shade sunglasses to be hanging from the ceiling, where he has upped his game in the experiments on the human brain department. One of his recent failed experiments, named Spider (David Letch), is considered collateral damage after another model like Spider has his head explode for no reason at all, but escapes being eliminated by Howell’s co-workers. Now spurned by his master, Spider releases a group of failed experimental patients who are now genetic freak zombies to wreak havoc on not only our four protagonists but those who serve Howell as well. Man, does Dr. Howell have a record of stabbing his friends in the back!

Once they find his lair, Michael and his friends must penetrate the fortress and survive the crazy zombies (even motorcycle zombies!) en route to locating the doctor and disposing of him. But soon they learn that the damage has already been done and killing the mad scientist might only be the beginning of their problems.

Wow…what a messed up movie! First of all, the plot is all over the place and nothing about the intentions of Howell’s work is ever really explained. Actually, nothing is really explained. Even the film's conclusion is a mess. To call the ending ambiguous would be an understatement. It feels more like Blyth just yelled “Cut!” and called it a day without a proper wrap-up.

Everything that you see makes absolutely no sense at all. Why is the doctor so hellbent on turning people into psychotic murderers? Why did Michael take his friends on holiday when he fully knew that he was embarking on a vengeful killing spree? Why did the friends even hang out with Michael in the first place? You know, because people usually jump on the chance to party at unknown locations with someone who killed his own parents. When did Michael even have time to make these friends? Why would the female lead even want to be his girlfriend in the first place? Killing his family aside, the guy looks like Rutger Hauer’s character from Blade Runner. Why does Howell keep dangerous zombies in the easiest vault to open in the history of mankind, with only a security guard sitting in front of the door in a chair? Why does Spider have a chance to kill Michael and his girl, but only declares “I’ll get you…I’ll get you all” and then just runs away? And what's with that "Woot-woot-woot-woot-woot!"sound effect on the soundtrack? NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!

It is bad enough that the film uses plots from Living Dead and Dr. Moreau, but then a scene is added for comic relief in a film whose tone is totally serious and dark throughout. It involves a convenience store clerk who plays up the typical Indian stereotype. Yes, they even had these racial bits back then in New Zealand all of all places. It is beyond over the top and so ridiculous considering the actor appears to be of Caucasian descent with makeup to look of like that of Indian descent. It’s very awful and all one big “Huh?”

The trouble is that you can’t help but keep watching because you’ll realize that this is the one of the most bizarre films you will ever see. If you are hoping for a payoff…you won’t get one in the slightest. In fact, the ending leaves even more questions than answers. Not just though provoking questions, but more like WTF?! questions. The Blair Witch Project contains a more satisfying ending.

Most of you reading this review have probably never heard of this film before and there is a really good reason why (see my paragraph of questions above). This one probably got a DVD release due to Hurst’s fame as Iaolus in Hercules, but this one should have gone straight to MST3000K instead. It is hard to find, so please don’t kill yourself looking for a copy. Better advice: skip it unless you want to torture yourself for fun.

Special Note: Fans of Braindead/Dead Alive will be happy to see Uncle Les (Ian Watkin) in a cameo and those who enjoyed the cult classic The Quiet Earth will be pleased to see Bruno Lawrence in a bit part.

RATING:

1 out of 5 Creeper Santas

TRAILER:

WWE Wrestlemania 28 Results and Recap

2012-04-01T23:01:00.000-04:00

Finally…Wrestlemania 28, the grand daddy of them all is upon us. The Super Bowl, The World Series and Stanley Cup Finals of sports entertainment hails from the hottest party city in the U.S. - Miami, Florida at SunLife Stadium. 360+ days ago, Vince McMahon decided to actually try once again (after taking a few years off with his PG nonsense) to bring popularity back into pro wrestling by booking John Cena versus the most electrifying man in sports entertainment, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. It seemed like that day would never come, but after the Summer of Punk 2.0, the failed return of Kevin Nash, Zack Ryder becoming a surprise superstar, Daniel Bryan becoming an over heel, and other notable fillers, we have finally arrived! The big match aside, the creative team has constructed one of the most interesting and exciting Wrestlemania cards in some time. Will they pull it off or is this another balloon that will deflate the WWE as well as our wallets? Let’s get to ringside…

(disclaimer: last-minute added matches will not have any pictures or descriptions and only the results. Formatting on the fly while I am trying to watch the PPV is a pain)

WWE Tag Team Championship Match:

Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd vs. The Usos vs. Epico & Primo (champs)

Even though this match was free to watch on YouTube during the 'Mania pre-show, it is still included in this report since it is technically a Wrestlemania match. And it's a championship match, so why not document it? There is no build for this one, considering that Kidd and Gabriel are a team all of sudden (did Kidd turn face or did Gabriel turn heel?), but the Usos and the tag champs always have interesting bouts...and best of all for us, it's free!

RESULT:
Epico pinned an Uso after the Backstabber to retain the belts. Some good high flyin' action here and a nice little freebie to kick things off as the champs continue to be the most underrated workers on the roster. Plus they have Rosa Mendes!

Now What You Had To Pay For...

WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match:

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (champ)

Bryan took his potential fluke championship victory gimmick, turned into a successful heel and has made himself into a champ people love to hate. Bryan's fans should be happy that his reign has lasted this long and that he should have shown his worth to WWE management during this time frame. However, Sheamus is HHH's real life buddy and has been pushed to the moon meaning that the road to Wrestlemania is almost a guarantee to mark the end of the road of D-Bry as champ. A title retain would be the biggest shock of the year.

RESULT:
Sheamus sins the title in less than 10 seconds (announcers state 18 seconds) with the Brogue Kick. Well not only did the WWE rob us fans of a real championship match with this ridiculous squash, but they also embarrassed Bryan and buried his reputation. While HHH's buddy snagging the title is no real shock, hopefully this squash match had a purpose for positively affecting Bryan's character development post-title run.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:
Team Johnny is prepping for their match in the locker room. The Miz tries to give a pep talk which the rest of the team blows off. Then, John Lauriniatis comes in to give a real pep talk.

"Because They Need to Have a Match" Match:

Kane vs. Randy Orton

With Sheamus and Bryan vying for the title and Cena using his hate to strike down the Emperor Kane, Orton and Kane are too big of stars to be left off the card. In a reach of a storyline, Kane has beef with Orton since he was beaten by Randy so badly last summer that Kane was humanized when he shook Orton's hand post-match. It has been eating at Kane for so long that he now needs to destroy Orton...but will more than likely eat a RKO or two or three.

RESULT:

Kane wins with a Chokeslam from the top rope. About as good and formulaic as you'd expect out of Kane and Orton working together. There was really no build and some chants of "Boring!" broke out at one point, but it was exactly the level of brutality you were probably counting on. Unlike the finish, as Orton seemed all but a lock for victory.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:

Mick Foley and Santino Marella ate crabs as they shamelessly promoted the new season of Deadliest Catch,including Marella giving the Cobra to his meal and Foley giving Mr. Socko to his crustacean. This segment was saved when Ron Simmons went onto camera and delivered his patented "DAMN!"...summing up all of our feelings.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:

Cody Rhodes (champ) vs. Big Show

Rhodes has come a long way into becoming a great performer to watch in the ring and on the stick since he ditched the "disfigured" gimmick late last year on way to bringing back integrity to the IC strap. Meanwhile, he has been taunting Big Show relentlessly for his many WM failures, so the odds against retaining the belt are slim to none. Is this another chapter in the Big Show 'Mania failure book or will Show finally win one on the big stage?

RESULT:
Big Show pinned Rhodes to win the IC title after hitting the WMD. Pretty much expected this one after the ways Rhodes has abused Show for the last couple of months. Not a bad match out of both of these two especially considering their size difference. Anyways, we are two for three with title changes so far.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:

Shawn Michaels tells Matt Striker that he holds all the cards and that the fate of the man who ended his career is in the palm of his hands. Usual promo stuff we've been hearing.

Special Divas Tag Team Match:

Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix (champ) & Eve

Original plans for Phoenix versus Kharma or Natalya were scratched in favor of this attraction. Wrestlemania needs its mainstream stars after all, right? This came out of nowhere - Eve and Beth interrupted Menounos' interview with Kelly on her Extra program and challenged them to a WM fight after Maria mocked Beth for pinning her at the recent Salute to the Troops. This is for the pure eye candy factor as Maria looks oh so cute in wrestling gear. This one has to end with Maria getting the required celebrity pin.

RESULT:
Maria pinned Maria's legit injured ribs really slowed this match down and it was obvious that Beth and Eve were going easy on her. In usual format, Phoenix really made Kelly look good out there.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:

Shawn Michaels tells Matt Striker that he holds all the cards and that the fate of the man who ended his career is in the palm of his hands. Usual promo stuff we've been hearing.

IN-RING SEGMENT:

We are told that the crowd at SunLife has sent a new attendance record of 78,363!!! Then good ol' J.R. Ross (who has lost a bit of weight) comes to ringside to join the announce team for...

"The End of an Era" Hell in a Cell Match:

The Undertaker vs. HHH with Shawn Michaels as special referee

It's good to be king, as HHH is able to book himself into another high profile match at 'Mania. Having Michaels involved will somehow determine how this is going to end...and how it will end is your guess as good as mine. Ending the 'Taker's streak should be used to elevate a young talent for the future, so hopefully Triple H goes 0-for-3 against the Dead Man. We can only hope that whatever happens, it is an old school and brutal Hell in a Cell match that is unlike the tame one from the awful Hell in a Cell PPV last year.

RESULT:
Taker goes to 20-0 after hitting HHH with the last of many Tombstone Piledrivers! Lots of drama, great storytelling and false finishes much like in their last 'Mania match, only with multiple ref bumping and bloodletting from both men. Hats to both men for the physicality and no regard for their bodies as well as The Heartbreak Kid for not making the match too much about him. Thank goodness the DX/Klique-esque swerve pin attempt towards the end came up short. Props to having JR call this one, giving it an old era feel, as well as the HBK-Taker emotional embrace with each other at the match's end. Bonus points for the unintentional hilarity of Michaels retreating to the corner almost coming to tears after every near fall and devastating weapon shot thrown.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:
Heath Slater shows up in front of Flo-Rida's dressing room, calling him "Florida". Finally, the rapper comes out and shoves him hard into the wall, knocking him to the ground. Then, Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins come out and semi-heckle Slater's fail. Very awkward unneeded and unfunny time filler.

IN-RING SEGMENT:

Howard Finkel announces the 2012 Hall of Fame Class (Mil Mascaras, the late Yokozuna's family, Ron Simmons, Ric Flair/Barry Windham/Tully Blanchard/Arn Anderson/J.J. Dillon as the 4 Horsemen, Mike Tyson, and Edge).

"Battle to Be the GM" Tag Match:

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

The feud between Smackdown GM Teddy Long and Raw GM John Lauraniatis will come to an end as the team who wins will decide who is going to be the GM for both shows in this 12-man tag battle. Long has his captain Santino Marella along with Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Zack Ryder, Great Khali, and Booker T, while Johnny has his captain David Otunga along with Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, Mark Henry, Drew McIntyre (replacing the injured Christian), and The Miz. Great talent in a potentially great match, but I am sure some swerve is going to happen, with Team Johnny coming out on top. Come on, the heels have to win some matches at 'Mania after all.

RESULT:
Team Teddy secured the win after Miz hit Zack Ryder with the Skull Crushing Finale. Eva distracted Zack and the ref when he went for the Broski Boot causing the Miz to apply his finisher. After the match, Eve lowblow-ed Ryder to show that she was on Team Johnny and against Zack all along. I know, big shocker (sic). "Operation Bury Ryder" is alive and well in the WWE.

BACKSTAGE SEGMENT:
Johnny and his team celebrate as they walk by a disgruntled CM Punk. New All GM Johnny L. tells Punk that if he gets DQ'ed for "brawling" instead of wrestling, then Y2J wins the title, so he has to be careful.

"Best in the World" WWE Championship Match:

CM Punk (champ) vs. Chris Jericho

Everyone is finally getting their dream match of Punk vs. Jericho. What started out as a tepid feud turned more interesting once Jericho started the insults of Punk's family real life substance abuse issues. Besides all of the soap opera stuff, these are two great performers who are looking to have a phenomenal bout and could possibly steal the thunder from Rock-Cena. Jericho is about to take another absence to perform with his band Fozzy, so it looks like Punk is keeping the strap...but it will be fun to see them go at it from a pure wrestling aspect. Now the added stipulation of Punk losing the strap due to DQ reeks of a B.S. finish that would kill what could be a great match between these two.

RESULT:
Punk retained the title after making Jericho tap to the Anaconda Vice. Easily the match of the night and the pure 5-Star Classic we were all promised. Thankfully the DQ lameness did not factor into the outcome and hopefully this feud is far from over. These guys could easily put on another clinic worth the price of admission alone.

IN-RING SEGMENT:
Funkasaurus comes out to the stage and tells everyone to get their phones out and call their mommas...including himself. His momma tells him that she is backstage with her bridge club, so she comes out and gets funky with the rest of her bridge club. Mind you, his momma and the club were some young chicks dressed up in a gray wigs, house dresses and a fake ba-dunk-a-dunks. A bit strange, but it was good to see Clay somehow included on the card.

IN-RING SEGMENT:
MGK raps and then Cena enters the ring. Then, Flo-Rida raps and The Rock hits the ring. This wastes about 15 minutes of viewers' paid time they could have seen another match to build young talent, but oh well...

The Main Event:

John Cena vs. The Rock

What seemed truly eye-rolling last year is now a must-see matchup. These two have legit heat towards each other and have been attacking one another on WWE TV, in interviews and on social media. The last month of promo-cutting out of these two has truly been awesome, and by all accounts, the match should be just as good or better.

RESULT:
The Rock defeated Cena with the Rock Bottom as Cena went for his own version of the People's Elbow. As predicted, Cena was heavily booed and Rock cheered in the latter's hometown. The rap intro/entrances were ridiculous and there were too many "breaks" with Cena using bearhugs to the Rock's "injured ribs". These moments really took the fans out of the match early and often, only coming to life when Rock did anything. The false finishes gave it a little life at the end, but I cannot believe the WWE had Rock win this one...as he goes back to L.A.

FINAL VERDICT:

Not the best Wrestlemania ever but far from the worst, being leaps and bounds better than last year's in Atlanta. Most fun I have had watching a PPV since December. After the disappointing Bryan squash that was a disservice to both him and Sheamus, things went uphill. The Taker-HHH re-rematch was better than expected, the Diva celebrity match was short and painless, the 12-man tag match got exciting (minus the choice of jobber) after a slow start, the Punk-Jericho match was the second coming of Savage-Steamboat from WM III, and the main event held a great atmosphere, even though I expected much better. The finish was unexpected but the match itself was heavily upstaged by the WWE World Title Match. Worth the buy...but still cannot wait to see Brock Lesnar back. Maybe tomorrow night at Raw?

The Butler Brothers return with The Undrawn!

2012-03-29T18:59:00.000-04:00

The zany Butler Brothers from the Great White North of SubProd Productions are at it again! The creative minds who brought us the Larry & Burt Gut Rot webisodes and the full length feature The Notorious Newman Brothers are attempting to invade the intrawebs again with The Undrawn. This proposed webseries follows six depraved and perverted (not-so)super heroes working at SuperCorp for their idiot Boss who is trying to get them their own comic book deal.

Told in confessional style, think X-Men meets The Office, these superweirdos contain extraordinary powers that are really not that beneficial to society. Making their dreams of making the pages of comics even harder is the fact that they cannot seem to get on the same page...and probably never will with the hormone levels they maintain.

SubProd has begun a Kickstarter campaign (click here) and are ever so close to making their vision a reality. If their past record is any indication, this will be a laugh riot that will not only entertain the heck out of us, but the guys are sure to add some more well-deserved awards to their mantle.

Take a look at the teasers below and see for yourself. Caution: Don't expect Superman or Wolverine to lend their support to these characters and don't look for DC and Marvel to sign this pack to a deal anytime soon.

Meet In & Out. She is like one of those crazy, yet hot chicks but can teleport.

IN & OUT from SubProd on Vimeo.

Bulletproof - a white gangbanger, whose power is that he's bulletproof. Duh.

BULLETPROOF from SubProd on Vimeo.

Rearview - one of those creeps living mom's basements but with an ability.

REARVIEW from SubProd on Vimeo.

Jack-Off - with sperm more powerful than a locomotive
JACK-OFF from SubProd on Vimeo.

Iron Gut - drinks but doesn't get drunk and speaks in accents. A total WTF?!
IRON GUT from SubProd on Vimeo.

Thought Whisperer - virgin hearing men's thoughts, who wishes she didn't.
THOUGHT WHISPERER from SubProd on Vimeo.

And finally "The Boss"...worse than Michael Scott
The BOSS from SubProd on Vimeo.

Of course we never see these superheroes' (mis)adventures with your support. So please head on over to Kickstarter and support SubProd if you can. Be a real hero...

CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT!

Book Review: "The Road Warriors: Danger, Deat and the Rush of Wrestling"

2012-03-26T18:15:00.000-04:00

By Joe "Animal" Laurinaitis

The Road Warriors, Hawk and Animal, are arguably the greatest tag team ever to grace their presence in all of professional wrestling. Led by their manager “Precious” Paul Ellering, their look, swagger and physical style rejuvenated the tag team wrestling scene for two decades and set the bar for all the teams that followed them into the sport. Their rise to top of sports entertainment spans several continents and just as many wrestling promotions, and now the inside story is dished about by one of the team’s co-founders, Joe “Animal” Laurinaitis, in The Road Warriors: Danger, Deat and the Rush of Wrestling.

The one thing that sets this wrestling autobiography apart from the rest of the flock is that it gets to the wrestling action right off the bat. Laurinaitis tells us that he knows we want the meat and potatoes of the Road Warriors' wrestling exploits, so he keeps the pages of his youth and upbringing to a minimum. Joe was an accomplished athlete and weightlifter who stumbled into wrestling during his bouncer days with other soon-to-be stars such as Rick Rude and Scott Norton. With a child to support on his own, he decided to give wrestling a shot and make enough money to provide for his kid.

After his failure in a solo act as The Road Warrior, he quit the sport only to come back a year later to Georgia Championship Wrestling where booker Ole Anderson re-packaged him and good friend Mike Hegstrand into the Road Warriors. As Hawk and Animal, they were instantly given the promotion’s tag team championships to see how they could run with their new gimmick, and run with it they did. Mike and Joe were always being innovative, using heavy metal (Black Sabbath’s “Iron Man”) as their entrance music, painting their faces to exonerate their characters, developing punishing tag team finishing maneuvers, and creating their look of leather and spikes to (kayfabe) strike fear into their opponents.

Joe continues to explain their success in the States as well as Japan, and how their popularity always led them to be booked as the cream of the crop, holding several major championships. They finally became a force in the industry once they hooked up who Joe and Mike called the official third member of the team, “Precious” Paul Ellering. A brilliant mind, Paul helped shape them on camera in their promos as their quintessential mouthpiece, but also helped guide the team in business matters and politics off screen as well. Together, they dominated the American Wrestling Association until it was time to move on to the more publicized NWA, run by Jim Crockett.

One of the most interesting facts in the book is just how intelligent the seemingly meathead-ed Joe and Mike actually were in real life. The fact that they were able to revolutionize and monetize their wrestling persona without the help of a marketing powerhouse like Vince McMahon aside, they were actually the inventors of Zubaz. Remember those pants from the 80’s and 90’s? Not only were they popular with the common weightlifters, but even NFL stars loved them! The Road Warriors were both mainstream in wrestling and fashion!

Mike and Joe had such a strong relationship that they considered each other brothers, but they were separated by their individual extracurricular activities. Joe had re-married and his life was solely dedicated to his wife and children, while Mike got caught up in all of the cliché downfalls that pro wrestling had to offer, especially when it came to substance abuse. Sure, both liked to drink some booze with the boys and party on the road, but Mike took it to the next level by abusing cocaine and painkillers. For a long time, Joe turned a blind eye to Mike's indulgence until his self-destructive habits derailed their career when they finally made it to the WWF. It led to their suspension and ultimately their dismissal, even though Joe was a model employee and did not engage in Mike’s abusive lifestyle. Eventually it led to Hegstrand’s premature death and a burden that Joe still feels to this very day. He addresses his grief but does not bury his brother in the process and also does not spend a lot of time in his book pulling at our heartstrings.

Instead, Joe talks a great deal about their interesting time on the road and throughout many organizations. Subjects include their miserable time in WCW once Ted Turner took over, how their colleagues feared their rough and stiff style, his tenure wrestling with a hockey mask due to a legitimate injury, his dislike and fear of scaffold matches, their enthusiasm working in Japan, and their relationship with Ellering, such as when he was able to negotiate himself out of a contract with WCW due to being the true cerebral assassin he is in reality. He also interjects some funny stories, such as the time they delivered their finishing move, “The Doomsday Device”, to then boss Vince McMahon at a bar!

Joe also answers the burning question many wrestling fans have wondered about for years - how did they feel about the many wrestlers who stole their gimmick? Demolition, the team McMahon created when he could not sign Mike and Joe away from Crockett, and the Powers of Pain, who the Warriors feuded with in the NWA. Funny thing is that they were all good friends before Joe got into the business. Barry Darsow and Bill Eadie were bouncers with him during that time in his life. He admits that the Warriors were totally ripped off with Demolition, but was happy that it was two of his pals benefiting from the situation. John Nord, Warlord of Powers of Pain, was also someone who Joe discovered in his region of Minnesota before he made it big. So there was never any animosity between them about heavily borrowing from his mindset. The only one who Joe and Mike had mild beef with in replicating their gimmick was with Jim Hellwig/Warrior AKA The Ultimate Warrior. He mentions that Jim started his gimmick as The Dingo Warrior in Dallas’ World Class Championship Wrestling, facepaint and all, once The Road Warrior gimmick was at its peak. Of course, that was then carried over for Jim to become the Ultimate Warrior in the WWF. When they eventually signed with the WWF, Mike and Joe were forced to change their moniker to “The Legion of Doom” instead of “The Road Warriors” because McMahon stated that he “did not want to confuse the audience with too many Warriors running around”. Since Mike and Joe invented the gimmick, they felt they were taking a backseat to someone who essentially stole their gimmick and was someone who did not have good wrestling talent or a mind for the business. But for the most part, Joe does not go the route of discussing too much about backstage politics or bad talking other wrestlers.

This is only touching the surface with the great tales you can read in The Road Warriors: Danger, Death and the Rush of Wrestling. It is a great read for wrestling fans that is not annoying lengthy and celebrates the legendary tag team. Joe talks himself up a great deal, but it comes across as someone who was having fun in a crazy business and is very confident that he made a success out of himself doing so, especially when things went horrible for him the first time around. Give it a look when you get a chance.

RATING:

3.5 out of 5 Angry Nashes

BUY IT:

They Came For Stiff: A Sami Callihan Story (2011)

2012-03-22T20:06:00.000-04:00

Directed by Kenneth Johnson

From the creator of the fantastic documentary Pro Wrestler, comes another documentary about life in the independent wrestling circuit. This time around, filmmaker Kenneth Johnson focuses on one particular indie wrestler, Sami Callihan, as he prepares for the biggest match of his career in New York City. A seasoned vet on the indie circuit, he finally gets his brush with fame and will stop at no cost.

Callihan portrays the gimmick of a crazed wrestler, who has no regard for his own physical well being, putting his body on the line for the sake of winning his matches. He also has a reputation for working “stiff”, a pro wrestling term for a performer not going easy with his moves. So when you hear loud thumps from his kicks and punches, he is legitimately delivering them with about as close to full force as you get. Why does he work so stiff? Callihan tells Johnson, “They came for stiff!”

Recently released WWE star Dave “Fit” Finlay, has taken a booking for the minor league company Evolve and is matched up against Callihan in the main event. This is his dream match, since he has shaped his style against fellow stiff worker Finlay, so he must prepare his mentality and physicality for a real brawl.

Much like the style he demonstrated with Pro Wrestler, Johnson narrates very little dialogue or asks too many questions in film and lets his subject tell the story for us instead. Beginning with him preparing himself in his apartment, then in a car ride to the city and finally to the backstage area and ring for the match, Johnson allows Callihan full reign to be himself for the camera. Callihan talks about his passion for the business, lessons he learned about the business over the years as well as his wish to make it into a top company, such as the WWE. He realizes that he is getting older and his body is starting to pay the price for his physical style in the indies, so he wants to make it to the next level as soon as possible now that he has paid his dues. The match against Finlay is a huge opportunity for him to battle with a top name and get some needed press. You just never know when a scout might be in the audience, so he wants to make this match as memorable as possible.

Meanwhile, Finlay is in the twilight of career and is more of a level-headed individual than he has portrayed in the past with companies like WCW and WWE over the years. Wrestling runs in his family all the way back to the Titanic, when one of his ancestors wrestled for money in the belly of the ship for cash…on their lunch breaks! He sees a fire in Callihan and cannot wait to work with him. Paydays in organizations like Evolve are peanuts compared to the scratch he is used to making in the big leagues, but he seems like he is taking it all in stride and literally living to fight another day.

At close to 27 minutes, this short film will leave you wanting to see more. Callihan’s in-ring persona is a great extension of his real life personality, always the trademark of a successful gimmick, so he is a little crazy…but he is extremely likable nonetheless. Listening to him speak is an eye opener because inside the psychotic exterior, Callihan actually is extremely hilarious, but also sensible and level-headed, much like Finlay. And his drive and charisma to make it in the business should be an inspiration to anyone looking to climb up the ladder in their career, no matter what the job. Never take anything for granted, keep grinding and always do your best because you never know when it is your time to be noticed.

You can check out Johnson’s They Came For Stiff by purchasing it on his website (click here) for a nominal price. And keep an eye on Callihan because he has the look, drive and charisma to make his dream come true. Indie wrestling fans will also be happy to see appearances from Kevin Steen, Johnny Gargano and Alex Colon.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Angry Nashes

TRAILER:

LINKS:

OFFICIAL SITE

Mother’s Day (2010 remake)

2012-03-19T18:48:00.000-04:00

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman

The original Mother’s Day is a cult classic from the 1980’s that is generally only remembered by fans of the horror genre. In an age where remakes are as prevalent as YouTube remixes, they usually wind up being terrible more often than not. They are produced with the production company’s intent to cash in on the success of past films and lure fans of the original into a world of unknowing disappointment. Luckily, writer Scott Milam scribed a rather intriguing story all too loosely based on the source material and offers moviegoers a film worth their time and money.

After a botched transaction, the Koffin brothers return to their mother’s house in order to reunite with the rest of their family and get the heck out of Dodge. To their surprise, mom lost her house to foreclosure, which is now inhabited by the (un)lucky new owners and their friends hanging out for a get together. One of the brothers, Johnny (Matt O’Leary), was seriously injured in their botched job, leaving Ike (Patrick Flueger) and Addley (Warren Kole) to call on their Mother Kofflin (Rebecca De Mornay) for a rendezvous at her old home while keeping the guests hostage. Once Mother along with daughter Lydia (Deborah Ann Woll) arrive on the scene, she is very genuine in the fact that if the guests cooperate, the clan will leave in piece. However, there are two conditions. One is that George (Shawn Ashmore), the doctor among the friends, does his best to keep Johnny alive, and two, that she can learn where the money her boys have been sending her is located. Even though the owners, Beth (Jamie King) and Daniel (Frank Grillo), claim to have never received anything addressed to her, Mother is not buying it and tensions start erupting when her funds are not being handed over.

As you can tell, this is not your daddy’s Mother’s Day. This is a whole new ballgame. The family members have increased with a female sibling to boot and gone is the notion that they are a bat-sheet crazy backwoods family. Addley is a bit of a loose cannon, but the Ike and Mother are extremely level headed, both containing some instances of compassion and portraying a more believable style of villain for this era. References are made to the original, such as Queenie and some of the deaths, but those miniscule tidbits are the only minor comparisons that can be made. Mix in some twists and turns as well as meaningful secondary stories and you will start to wonder why this film is even considered a remake at all. It is like a film that just had the Mother's Day brand tag thrown on it for marketing purposes.

The acting is top notch from every participant, notwithstanding veteran De Mornay, who was the major reason that The Hand That Rocks the Cradle was such a huge success in the 90’s. King is extremely surprising in her performance as well...who know she had this type of talent inside of her. Overall, there is no bone to pick with any of the acting and director Darren Lynn Bousman is definitely not a remake hack…even his two Saw sequels (parts 2 and 3 only) were just as good as the original. Don’t let the two-hour running time scare you off either because the Bousman and Milam duo never let the film drag and make every second relevant.

Since Mother’s Day is a bit of an obscure flick outside of horror fandom, the thought of a remake instead of a long awaited sequel can easily be written off as another bad film in the remake bucket and easy way for Hollywood to rob moviegoers of their hard earned cash. That is until you watch this film and realize just how entertaining it really is. One has to wonder why this has never (and will probably never) receive its deserved U.S. theatrical release while countless, dime-a-dozen romantic comedies pop up in theaters every week...like This Means Bore, I mean War.

Forget your memories of the 1980 original, don’t fear the remake jinx and make sure to find this one On Demand if you can. And most of all, here is wishing you all a very happy Mother’s Day.

RATING:

4 out of 5 Creeper Santas

TRAILER:

LINKS:

http://www.mothersdaythemovie.com/

The Alternate Dimension: What If Hollywood Went Their First Casting Choices?

2012-03-15T18:45:00.000-04:00

Over the years, many past Hollywood blockbusters' success have been attributed to excellent casting choices. Now imagine if some of your favorite all-time classics contained different actors in the lead roles. Would those films have been as successful, popular and memorable as they are today? Follow me through a portal to an alternate dimension where original casting choices were selected and your favorite actors were left sitting on the bench…

WHHHHOOOOAAAAAA....

Nick Nolte and Christopher Walken are the well-known original choices for the roles of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, respectively. But imagine if two young acting prospects who made it to the screen testing phase, Kurt Russell and William Katt, were given the nod over Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill. Russell went on to have a very good career and got the chances to play some cool characters, so that is a wash. Except Ford would have remained working as a carpenter on homes instead of being a multimillionaire and hooking up with Clarissa Flockhart. On the other hand, Katt’s most notable role is in The Greatest American Hero, a show that went the way of Heroes, with a superb first season followed by a nosedive straight towards cancellation. Hamill’s claim to fame was as Skywalker, for which he was also held back due to typecasting, so would his career have flourished if a jedi he did not, mmm – per Yoda?

Solo with an eyepatch!

Let’s go back to Harrison Ford for a second. Even as illustrious as his resume reads, if you ask someone what are their favorite roles of he played, Solo would be first quickly followed by Indiana Jones. The first choice to be the adventurous archeologist in Raiders of the Lost Ark was none other than Tom Selleck! Mind you, Selleck could have very well succeeded in the role, but instead the Lucas-Spielberg connection made Ford their man. Imagine if Selleck was Indiana. Would this have skyrocketed his career? Imagine the flipside of this alteration in the cinematic universe…Harrsison Ford as Magnum P.I. Harrison Ford in Three Men and a Baby and then a Little Lady. Harrison Ford in a guest cameo arch on Friendsas Courtney Cox’s elder boyfriend. And finally, Ford signing autographs for $50 a pop next to Hamill at countless Sci-Fi conventions shortly thereafter. Just the thought of that should send shivers down your spine.

Pretty dreamy, huh?

Corey Hart or Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly??!! Back to the Futureis an almost perfect film, along with its subsequent sequels, but Michael J. Fox’s quirky portrayal of McFly made the film the classic as it stands today and hoisted his career into the stratosphere. We have all seen clips of Stoltz as Marty, and Stoltz is a fine actor with an excellent resume- don't get me wrong, but that would have been an absolute fail. Imagine if you will…"Mr. Sunglasses at Night" in the lead, as he was the original choice, shocking as that may seem. Never seen Hart act, so it is hard to gauge how he would have done, but if I were a betting man I would say that would have ruined the film and earned it a Golden Raspberry. Unless, he was the next coming of James Dean. Hart replacing Fox might have led him to star in Secret of My Success, then Light of Day (that one might have worked out), and then as Doc Hollywood. Maybe Hart could’ve saved the wreck that was Bright Lights, Big City. Nah…scratch that last thought.

"Don't time travel with a guy in shades, ya know."

Al Pacino turned down the role of John Rambo in First Bloodafter he learned that the Rambo character was not going to be more of a veteran psychopath (of course you would have loved that, Pacino). Pacino’s legacy is laced in gold, so this bizarre change in film history is not about future endeavors for the star actor, but rather for us as the moviegoers. The film would have still been a hit, no doubt. Close your eyes for a second and visualize Pacino, with headband tightly around his head, spouting this famous dialogue:

“Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don't turn it off! It wasn't my war! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the airport, protesting me, spitting. Calling me baby killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they've been me and been there and know what the hell they're yelling about!”

Or how about:

“Back there I could fly a gunship, I could drive a tank, I was in charge of million dollar equipment, back here I can't even hold a job *parking cars*! “

Boy what I would pay to see that.

However, Pacino does not maintain the brawn to fit the Rambo mold. Meanwhile, Sylvester Stallone already hit pay dirt with Rocky and the following sequels, but he probably might not have been the big action star he is remembered as if Rambo slipped his grasp. Then, Pacino might have went down another road and starred in Cobra, which like it or not is a way better flick than Godfather III. Truth!

"You're the Disease and I'm the Cure, Fredo!"

Speaking of action stars, Jean-Claude Van Damme was the first choice for Predator. No, not Arnold’s part, but the actual intergalactic hunter. His martial arts skills seemed to be a perfect way to make Predator quick, agile and fearsome in hand-to-hand combat sequences. But let’s face it, Schwarzenegger would have towered over him like King Kong over an ant and realistically quashed him like a grape without those cool gadgets and weapons. Plus, we would have never experienced the joy of seeing him in No Retreat, No Surrender. Thankfully, the massively tall Kevin Peter Hall was chosen instead. The Predator’s intimidation factor lies in the fact that he is a hulking figure who matched the muscles of Arnold and made for a suspenseful final battle in that film. Still, imagine if JCVD was our Predator and during the big reveal when Predator takes off his mask, Arnold gasped: “You are one short m***** f*****!” instead. Hilarity would have ensued. We also would have been treated to everyone’s fantasy dream match: The Jean-Claude Predator vs. Danny Gover in Predator 2!!

"Get off dose stiltz, Van Damme!"

And what about Arnie? Sure he was a famous bodybuilder and was pretty successful in Conan, but what if he was never in The Terminator…easily his breakthrough role to super stardom. Believe it or not, James Cameron’s pal Lance Henriksen was the original selection to play the relentless killing cyborg from the future. If that happened, we would have been spared The Last Action Hero, but Arnie would also not have become the Guhva-nator yet Henriksen would still have probably followed the same career path. Definitely no T2 though. Arnie as the head vamp in Near Dark would have made for some surreal film moments.

The Terminator sure got creepy looking.

Leonardo DiCaprio was going to be Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights. This really almost happened, but lucky for him (and very unlucky for us), Leo turned it down for mega blockbuster Titanic, a film constantly rammed down our throats The rest is history as Leo has starred in many high profile films and even had some Oscar nominations, plus pleased young girls everywhere who finally indulged Shakespeare with Romeo + Juliet. He probably would have gone onto a great career, following the heels of The Basketball Diaries, since fellow Basketball Diaries star Mark Wahlberg was considered a legitimate actor after his portrayal of Diggler, No role, and Markie Mark would still be jamming with the Funky Bunch…and John Cena would not have been able to rip off his look. Imagine if you will, Leo singing "The Touch" with John C. McGinley in Boogie Nights' touching scene.

One word…awesome! Had to put this pic in here again.

That’s it for this time, kiddos. Welcome back to the real world where Leo dates supermodels, Jean Claude Van Damme is still out of work, Harrison Ford turned over the whip to Shia LeBeouf, and Al Pacino belted “Woo-Hah!” And yes, my Photoshop skills are mad, yo.

Kaboom (2010)

2012-03-13T17:53:00.000-04:00

Directed by Gregg Araki; Desperate Pictures

Take the cinematic elements of social satire, sexual awakening, conspiracy theories, science fiction, the pending apocalypse, and the supernatural, then combine them together. The result is an explosion...or a Kaboom. Director Gregg Araki takes his viewers on a crazy acid trip that is one of the most bizarrely entertaining experiences on celluloid which completely throws standard conventions of Hollywood film making out the window.

During his first week in the college dorms, Smith (Thomas Dekker) keeps having a recurring dream, with both familiar people and new faces of those he has never even met before, that culminates with him opening a door marked with the number "19" on it. Unfortunately for him, he never sees what is on the other side of this mysterious door and is unable to decipher the meaning behind it. Meanwhile, he is sexually undeclared with a crush on his beefcake roommate Thor (Chris Zylka) and his best friend Stella (Haley Bennett) is starting a relationship with a witch named Lorelei (Roxane Mesquida). Not like one of those emo goth chicks either, but one with actual supernatural powers.

Stella drags Smith along to be her wingman at a college party and ditches him when she hits it off with Lorelei, one of the strangers he recognizes from his dream when he first meets her. Some fellow partygoer offers him a drug-laced cookie, which he gladly ingests before running into a mysterious redhead who he also recognizes from his dream...who then proceeds to vomit on his shoe.

During a trip to the coed restroom, he crosses paths with the beautiful London (Juno Temple), who takes him back to her place. After having sexual intercourse with her, he heads back home and sees the same redhead from the party being chased down by dudes in animal masks who obviously have bad intentions in store for her. She gives him a thumb drive, thus setting the rest of the film's zany events into motion. Detailing anymore would spoil the rest of this whacky picture, which is a challenging movie to review because of it so wild. You keep having a feeling of "what the heck am I watching", yet you can't help but see it through the end?

What begins as an exploration of one bisexual young man's sexual coming of age morphs into a completely different sci-fi film once Smith downs the happy cookie at the party. Secret societies, psycho stalkers with magic powers, missing persons, tons of sex, and government agents begin to dominate the narrative. As Araki implements what should be serious material, he keeps the tone light the entire time. The real purpose of his film is to make a satire stuffed with many Hollywood productions' cliches which he mashes together to conceive his own love child.

Setting the unique atmosphere aside for a moment, the outstanding and believable performances from the leads are the cogs that make this film's wheels turn properly. Not only are Dekker, Temple and Bennett amazing, but smaller roles from veteran thespians such as Kelly Lynch as Smith's mom and longtime Araki favorite James Duval as stoner R.A. Messiah are welcomed relief as well.

Even though the story's main setting is at a normal everyday university, Kaboom resides in an alternate dimension based on our reality. Everything that should be considered strange for us in the real world is simply the norm in Araki's universe, whether it be the strangely empty college campuses, witches with superpowers, the end of the world, folks with telekinesis abilities, or international plans for nuclear destruction. It's all no big deal and just another day in the office. These elements are all deformed for comedy, both dark and mindless all at the same time.

Araki displays some sleek colorful cinematography beaming with technicolor within his many great set designs. As for the ending, you will either hate it or laugh at it until you cry. Never one afraid to take chances, the director returns to the mold of his many great bizarro 90's flicks such as The Doom Generation and Nowhere filled with uber amounts of sex and death.

From the mind of Gregg Araki comes the most unique sci-fi film you will ever see. If you are not turned off by something completely off the wall and unconventional to the point that makes you like you ate the "happy" cookie instead of our lead or if you are a fan of Araki's resume, make sure to leave your film snob at the door and watch a real Kaboom!

RATING:

3 out of 5 Happy Cookies

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LINKS:
KABOOM ON IFC FILMS

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