The next time you want to mock a Canadian’s manhood, I urge
you to do so in the presence of one Mr. Michael Ironside. When you wake up from
your Ironside-induced coma from head trauma after he beats you down, consider yourself graced that you
were in his presence and even luckier that he let you live. The only man in the
Great White North who makes NHL players scurry in fear is the second man to
officially be inducted into The Man-Cave Hall of Fame. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome...
Mr. Michael Ironside first found himself on the world's radar as the man with a scan, Darryl Revok, in David Cronenberg's cult hit Scanners. Not only did he play Revok with conviction, but he also became a staple when his image became a fixture on the Scanners VHS cover.
A year later, he received exposure to a wider audience when he portrayed anti-hero Ham Tyler, the man who single-handedly changed the tide of
the war against the Visitors to our favor in the mini-series V: The Final
Battle. He even made the soon-to-be Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund, cower in
fear when he threatened to turn him into a lizard suitcase.
It was also in 1984, when he showcased his abilities to play
an effective heel in the third-dimension in Spacehunter 3D: Into the
Forbidden Zone. He played out Molly Ringwald like a brat before she entered
the Brat Pack by gleefully telling her "I lied! Hahahahaha!" Unfortunately, he was the only thing worth mentioning in that dud of a
film. Then he went on to reprise the Tyler character in the horrible V: The Series...just buying his time as the best was yet to come...
In 1986, he showed moviegoers another of the Iron in Top Gun.
He went mainstream as Jester, the tough militant who guided Tom Cruise into proving that the Maverick indeed had the need for speed.
The following year, he showed us a
softer side as high school principal Bill Nordham in the highly underrated Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II. He was able to take down the film title's villain not once, but twice...sort of.
Who can forget his role as Richter in Total Recall, his second blockbuster film? Not only did he have Sharon Stone in her prime, but he matched brain and brawn against action superstar legend Arnold Schwarzenegger. Eventually he yielded to Arnold's Quaid character, but only because the script called for it. But shortly after, he appeared as the main baddie again, this time in the god awful Highlander 2: The Quickening and was once again the diamond in the roughest of roughs.
The Ironclad One went onto appear in more mainstream films such as Free Willy, Starship Troopers, Major Payne, The Perfect Storm, and The Machinist. And more recently, he had notable roles in Terminator: Salvation and X-Men: First Class - in which he stated "It was an honor serving you, gentlemen." Oh no Ironside, it was an honor watching you continue your storied cinematic career!
So ladies and gentlemen, please give it up one more time for The Canuck That Can-not Be Matched, Mr. Michael Ironside!!
In the many books released by pro wrestlers over the last
several years, a great deal of the content concerns the politics of the
business, behind the scenes backstabbing and hardships on the road. Mainly,
these wrestlers turned authors seem like they have some kind of axe to grind
with the industry, whether they are straight forward in their comments or state
them in a joking fashion. There is nothing wrong with any of that at all, since most
of us want to have the curtain pulled back to expose Oz and get the real scoop on
the other half of the story we don’t get to experience. While most of those successful
and interesting books have been penned by top-of-the-hill former champs such as Bret
Hart, Mick Foley, Edge, Joe Laurinaitis (Animal), and Chris Jericho, Dustin
Runnels has never held a world title in his long career and tells a different
tale in his book, Cross Rhodes.
You might know Dustin Runnels from his many gimmicks. You
probably know him as the “bizarre one” Goldust in WWE or Seven from WCW or
perhaps from his recent run in TNA. But you definitely will know him
as Dustin “Rhodes” Runnels, son of legendary and old school wrestler/booker Dusty
Rhodes, one of the most popular wrestlers to ever lace up the boots. What Dusty
lacked in looks and physique, he made up for in charisma and an excellent mind
for the business. None of that mattered to Dustin, who always just wanted to have a
close relationship with his father ever since he left his mother when Dustin
was just a small boy.
A good-looking, naturally talented and athletic Texan,
Dustin fell in love with the wrestling professional when he saw his father
wrestling in the ring because he knew that was how he could always be the
closest to him. So when high school was finished, he went to a small Florida
promotion and worked his way up the ranks without the help of his father. Dusty
wanted him to pay his dues like the rest of the boys and Dustin eagerly
complied as he did not wish to receive special treatment.
It seemed nearly impossible to get from under such an
enormous shadow of being the son of a ring legend until a stroke of bad luck
actually wound up being the fiery match which lit the fuse of his career and
made him a superstar without the “Rhodes” family name. Dustin takes us on a
journey from his childhood (briefly), into his first wrestling territory, to
WCW, to WWE and beyond.
What makes his story so enjoyable and helps it stand out
from all of the others in the “Wrestling Biography” section at your local bookstore is that you truly feel that the
words on paper are truly coming from deep within his heart. While other books
concentrate on backstage clashes and details on world championship runs, he does
not have major title stories to fall back on for endless chapters. He discusses
his need to connect with his father and their constant clashes.
This leads into
his well-documented substance abuse issues, irreconcilable differences his wife
Terri, the love of his children, and his rebirth from a dangerous drug-addled
lifestyle.
A commendable trait of Rhodes learned through reading his
book is that he is very candid and brutally honest about his personality and
reactions to various situations. He paints his life as he truly sees himself
and that is admirable for someone in the wrestling business to have restraint
when it comes to keeping their ego in check. Especially for someone like Runnels,
who readily admits to be heavily burdened by self esteem issues and rampant insecurities.
He never comes across as a pompous know-it-all who is the hippest cat on the
block. Rather, he is just like you and I, with real life family concerns and
obstacles to overcome throughout everyday life.
When it comes to his past drug problems and mistakes he has
made along the way, Dustin doesn’t ask for your sympathy or makes any excuses.
He exposes himself in a rather humbling and vulnerable state. In many ways, you
will never really learn too much about his gimmicks, but you will learn about
the actual man behind the gold paint.
If you are looking for something out of the ordinary on
wrestling literature that is a satisfying venture, travel the Cross Rhodes and
learn that these larger than life characters are really like the rest of us
when the camera stops ringing.
The usual theory is that the less you see in found footage
films, the better and that is why The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal
Activity were such huge hits. They left everything, or at least the majority of
the scares up to the power of your imagination. Director Andre Ovredal shatters that
theory by giving his audience the whole enchilada with the stunning Norwegian
import Trollhunter(Magnet).
A group of Volda college students film a documentary investigating
a rogue bear poacher, Hans (Otto Jespersen), who has been leaving a trail of
bear carcasses in his wake. When they finally track him down and follow him one
of his nightly hunts, they learn that this Elmer Fudd is not hunting “wabbits”
or bears, but trolls. Yes, trolls, just like the film's title implies. At first
resistant, Hans reluctantly allows the ambitious youngsters to document his
quests for controlling the secret troll population, who come in various shapes
and sizes, simply because he is tired of the thankless lifestyle that offing
trolls entails. His employer is a secret agency, TSS, who covers up the creatures’
existence by covering environmental destruction caused in his battles against the
trolls as bear deaths. As the film progresses, our trio learns the real truth behind trolls, completely
distinguishing them from what we have always learned in fairy tales.
There are many similarities to other films in the found
footage subgenre. The film begins as a documentary the audience is viewing with
title cards explaining that the footage was sent to the company producing this
documentary we are about to watch. Originally believed to be a prank, the
footage was deemed genuine by experts and edited down to our running time for
timing purposes. It is about a group of young filmmakers who venture out to
uncover a mystery. As you can see, a lot of the setup is the same old thing,
but that is where the resemblances come to an end.
Jespersen is absolutely phenomenal as Hans and his presence
makes this fictional flick feel very authentic. His character has been in this troll-busting
business for a long time and has many fascinating stories to tell about his
exploits. If you delve yourself into the film long enough, you almost believe
what he explains about trolls as reality. And this is accomplished through
reading subtitles and watching his facial expressions, for those of us who do
not speak the film’s native language. One example is that trolls are destroyed
by UV exposure in which they either turn to stone or explode. Hans actually has
to do paperwork, like us normal working folk or cops filing reports, to document location, size and
how the monsters perish. It all comes across so believable! The rest of the
cast is quite good as well, from our college kids to the field man for the TSS.
Trollhunter is a very entertaining and original addition to the eve growing roster of found footage flicks, but it is one where you can give your imagination a rest. Don’t worry - you will
see trolls and tons of them. You get the luxury of having your cake and eating it
too, with the aspect of first person footage delivered alongside a nice heap of FX. [As of this review's creation date] The film is currently in rotation on Showtime Beyond and
can also be purchased by heading over to Magnet Releasing.
You have to pay the
troll to get into this boy’s soul, but you will happy to pay the fare. Please tell
me you got that reference.
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a film that redefined the horror-comedy genre and backwoods slasher flicks by eliminating stereotypes and having people die by their own hands instead of being murdered by a psycho. It was a funny film heralded by many horror genre fans and set the bar for creativity in these types of movies for future filmmakers to follow. One of those films that sort of fits into that mold is Trippin', which is marketed as a horror-comedy for stoners. So you know what you are getting into right off the bat.
Zed (Zed Wilson) begins the film by telling the audience that he is the sole survivor of a bloodbath that happened some time ago and will show us all the accounts of what went down. He and girlfriend along with two other couples head up to a cabin in the woods for a healthy intake of drugs and sex. Along the way, they attract the attention of a goofy-looking hillbilly, epitomizing the usual creepy redneck murderer, who has what appears to be a body concealed in a red-stained wrapping, but are able to avoid him before their vehicle breaks down. Then, they have to push it the rest of the way to the cabin. Once the ex-con of the group tells them an urban legend of a hunter who accidentally kills his wife and then moves back to his home that has now become a protected wildlife preserve once he is released from jail and is forced to not eat meat and people start disappearing from the very area they are characters are staying (whew...that was a mouthful), the stage is set for the standard slasher flick. Or is it?
Nothing could be further from the truth. What transpires is a great deal of running time spent with interactions between the group, Zed getting so annihilated that he wanders off in the woods for misadventures and even a love triangle. It is mainly more comedy-horror than horror-comedy with about 5% horror with the other 95% spent on heavy dialogue and comedy routines.
Unfortunately, Trippin' feels a bit too long for its own good and the characters are all extremely unlikable outside of Zed. Even the girl we are supposed to sympathize with becomes irritating rather quickly. This movie is a bit clever in how it attempts to be different and utilizes its low budget rather well, but in between some good laughs is too much exposition for a proper pace that would have helped the film be more enjoyable. The lack of kills is also detrimental, with a majority of them happening in the closing moments, and the film never really goes anywhere or at least where it seemed like it was going to go in the first place. I get that it is supposed to be a stupid, fun little film but Trippin' should have some sort of point or destination for the audience to appreciate the irony of certain situations and drive the comedic aspects even further.
There are some shining moments, such as the FX in the hilarious drug hallucination scene with Zed and and the bizarre credits sequence that reminds one of Cabin Fever's strange punchline of a finale. But overall, this film is an A for effort, C for execution type of deal.Of course it is a lot better than 1999's Trippin', because that film has absolutely no redeeming values or creativity whatsoever, yet peculiarly memorable like 2005's Still Trippin' tune by one-hit wonder Mike Jones. If you remember that, buy yourself a beer.
Extras on the bonus DVD contain the many low budget short films from the film's production company Deviant Pictures, so you will definitely get a ton of viewing material for a low cost. And remember, "Better Zed Than Dead!"
Now that SHARK WEEKZ and the Jaws franchise retrospectives have come to an
end, fear not fin-heads. Not only is the Blu-ray with the highly anticipated
The Shark is Still Working documentary included on its way soon, there are a
ton of great links celebrating the series that you can enjoy and are listed
below for your viewing pleasure! High recommend you check out each of these
sites where The Man-Cave often lurks.
Just when you thought it was safe to go on the ‘net…
Do you have questions about the series or wanna chat with some fellow
intelligent Jaws lovers, then The Jaws Board is your place to go. A really fun
and supportive fan community! There, you will also find information on the
awesome Lou & Yana’s many JAWSFESTS, where I’d attend if I had the scratch.
Want to see the most complete collection of
materials and items from everything Jaws? This guy is the master of the
universe when it comes to Jaws merchandise. He has everything from posters,
trading cards, Universal ride apparel, books, signs, magazines, toys…you name
it, he definitely has it!
This
contains the most extensive collection of stills from Jaws on the internet, But
I really dig this site because it is here that you can see stills of deleted
scenes, especially the horrifying images of the Kitner boy attack! Check it,
love it!
Whether or not you appreciate the third film in the Jaws series, you have to
appreciate this foreign site from Romain Newbie! This dude has a huge passion
for this film as seen in the content he puts on his site. He has things you
won’t find anywhere else on the movie such as an interview with alumni as John
Putch (Sean Brody), a full unopened cardboard box of Jaws 3D trading cards,
autographs, non-U.S. film reels of the trailer, box sets…and that’s just touching
the surface. Again, whether you like the film or not, this is a fun museum to
browse.
Last but not least is Jawsmovie.com. Updated news and cool articles of all things Jaws and its many sequels. Definitely worth your time if you're a Jaws-head!
It had been twelve years since the last “big shark” film
graced the big screen. Since Jaws The Revenge’s box office blunder buried any
hopes that a shark film could be appreciated by filmmakers after the original
Jaws set the unreachable bar, the subgenre lay dormant while Jurassic Park and
its sequels filled the void. Then came along director Renny Harlin, with
his film Deep Blue Sea in 1999. Known for making purposely exaggerated action
and horror films, such as Cliffhanger, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream
Master and Die Hard 2, Harlin was always able to bring good profits in return.
After the embarrassing failure of Cutthroat Island, which starred his then-wife
Geena Davis, Harlin knew that he needed to get back on track with a winner.
Being a huge fan of the Jaws franchise, he decided that enough years without a
big screen shark film had passed to bring his own take on the subgenre in
admitted reverence of Spielberg’s classic.
Samuel L. Jackson plays Russell Franklin, the axe man for
an investor (Ronny Cox in a cameo) who is investing a fortune into an
underwater research laboratory called Aquatica, where a team is performing
experiments on Mako sharks to cure Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. Susan McCallister
(Saffron Burrows), the lead on the project, is very concerned when Franklin
visits and hopes that their latest progress will be enough to impress him
so that he can relay good news to their financer or else the plug on the
project is getting pulled. McCallister is personally involved with succeeding
in her work since being emotionally scarred from seeing her father die from
the disease and wants to rid the world of it, no matter the cost. Other team
members include the eccentric Dr. Jim Whitlock (Stellan Skaarsgard) working on
the project with Susan and who has relations with co-worker Janice Higginns
(Jacqueline McKenzie), engineer Tom Scoggins (Michael Rappaport), shark
wrangler with a criminal past Carter Blake (Thomas Jane), and the chef Preacher
(LL Cool J).
Soon after Franklin arrives at Aquatic, he meets the team and
the Mako shark beasts that are their test subjects: two smaller Gen-1 sharks and the larger Gen-2. During that night’s huge tropical storm, the
scientists are able to prove that the Gen-2 is able to ward off the effects of
Alzheimer’s, if only for a few seconds, which is enough to prove that their
project is worth continuing to fund. In the midst of their celebration, the
Gen-2 bites off Jim’s arm and a helicopter is called into lift him to a
hospital. The storm causes problems for the flying machine while it is lifting
Jim to the helicopter and causes his gurney to splash back into the ocean right
into the jaws of the Gen-2. The big baddie then uses it to crash the helicopter into
the facility. The destruction caused topside from this havoc slowly begins to
sink Aquatica. As the water rises below and the facility begins its
descent into the ocean, the remaining team members’ peril in figuring out how
to escape worsens when the sharks enter the flooded areas.
Deep Blue Sea gets away with the smart sharks concept
because the film is a sci-fi/horror/action hybrid instead of a flat out horror
picture. In this film, the experiments have caused the beasts to become
genetically enhanced, allowing their brains as well as their size to expand and
cause them to perform abnormal things that sharks cannot logically do such as swim
backwards and work in a pack. That is all the explanation needed to provide the
inconceivable plot into an all-out romp that is fun to enjoy.
Acting is hit or miss, but nothing that detracts from the
enjoyment of the film. Jackson is vintage Jackson, except a majority of his
lines are questions. No seriously…if you play a drinking game where you have to
drink every time he asks a question, you’ll be smashed by the second act. He is
also involved in the film’s most memorable scene, but it is not being spoiled for those who have not seen the film because it is truly that great. Forget his supporting role in
Boogie Nights, this is the film that out Jane on the map as a leading man and
used the momentum of this movie to excel in his career. He is spot on and is
probably the character, besides LL Cool J's Preacher, that you will be rooting for the most.
Speaking of LL, he and Michael Rappaport provide great comic relief and portray funny characters. The only one that really drags down the fun is Saffron
Burrows and her dialogue delivery. Her character is supposed to be unlikable, but her
monotone voice never adds any layer to it. She delivers a line
when her character is in danger the same way she does as she does at the
beginning of the film when she is convincing Cox to fund her project in the
film’s opening scene. There is no fluctuation in her mannerisms or voice and makes
for a very one-dimensional semi-villain. Burrows was mainly an art house actress
until DBS, so that might explain it.
The CGI was great back in 1999, but is pretty dated
considering the technologies used with such films in our present-day, but the
animatronics of the sharks is very impressive. Where Jaws used parts of sharks
on hydraulic devices, the special effects team behind DBS used actual
full motor-controlled sharks that look very much like the real deal. They are
the same team that created the amazing animatronic sharks for last summer’s Shark Night 3D,
so you can see where they cut their teeth in this film. No pun intended, of course.
Harlin purposely put many references to the original three
Jaws films in DBS for those who would foolishly call it a ripoff. Funny thing is that it
is not like any Jaws films at all and the in-jokes aimed at the franchise will prove
who are the real series fans and who are the haters just looking to scoff at the
film. There’s a handful in there, so see if you can locate them all without the
help of IMDB.
DBS is an extremely fast-moving flick that gets going early
and leaves no time to catch your breath. There is plenty of action and
legitimate jump scares that makes this the best big budget shark film since
Jaws. It did very well at the box office during 1999, which says a lot
considering the amount of super hits released that year. In fact, the box
offices returns did so well that a sequel was planned, but Harlin made the film
he wanted to make and moved on to other projects.
This one plays constantly on TNT, Spike and even SyFy, so if
you are a shark enthusiast and stayed away from checking this one out yet, make
like the Aquatica motto and “Dive In!”
Back in Spring 2011, three shark-related films were announced as being released into theaters during the summer: Shark Night 3D, Bait 3D and
Dark Tide. Out of the three, only Shark
Night 3D hit the market, while Bait 3D is still going through distribution
issues and Dark Tide made a blink-or-you’ll miss it theatrical run ultimately
ending up quickly on DVD. Shark Night 3D was a fun romp, even though Bait 3D
looked to be the strongest, and Dark Tide appeared to the lesser of the group. Now in 2012, did Dark Tide hold up as a shark film that was it worth the wait?
Kate Mathieson (Halle Berry) is a veteran diving tutor who
along with her team, specializes in swimming among great white sharks without
the safety of a cage. During one random dive, an accident occurs which leaves
her sidekick Zukie (Thoko Ntshinga) shark food and her barely able to escape
with her life. As the time goes on, she refuses to return to the ocean to
continue her specialty and her oceanic tour business begins to falter to the competition. That is until Brady (Ralph Brown), a wealthy adrenaline junkie,
propositions her to help him swim with the gliding monsters, thanks to her
ex-flame Jeff (Oliver Martinez). Jeff’s intentions are meaningful as he wants
her to get her life back on track and remain a master of the deep, but she
refuses until finally accepting the opportunity before she loses her boat to
foreclosure.
Dark Tide is definitely a fitting title. For one, the
cinematography underwater is so dark that you will have trouble keeping track
of the action with the sharks. Even though these scenes take place in the deep
waters of South African, a creative license should have been invoked to
illuminate the scenes more. The shark effects were not bad, so it is curious
what Stockwell was trying to hide. For another, this is not a true "shark film" by any
means and more of a dark drama. This movie should not have been marketed as
such, even if it had a better chance of luring viewers in by promising more
interaction with the ocean’s greatest predators.
Those aspects aside, the major flaws here are that the film
feels like it drags along and is extremely boring, even for a drama. Also, the
shark scenes we are given have no real payoff, with absolutely zero suspense leading up to the kills. For any movie that includes shark attacks, that is an unforgivable
sin. Kills just happen out of nowhere, but not in a “jump scene” kind of way.
It is more like “hey, here comes a shark that looks like it is going to eat
someone…and there it is.”
One has to wonder where exactly Berry’s acting talent vanished to over the
years. In her starring role, she seems to merely be going through the motions. Usually
a good dramatic actress, she is highly ineffective here and evokes not a trace
of drama for her audience to endear. In fact, Martinez and other members of her
expeditions are far more interesting characters that moviegoers will latch on to
when they should be bonding with her character on screen.
Dark Tide was marketed as a shark film, but you will realize that
you just watched a drama with some thrills thrown in when the credits roll. Add to the fact that it is
boring and you can barely see what is going on underwater most of the time, and
you’d be better watching one of those bizarre Syfy shark films for a good time
instead.
Faster than a swimming locomotive, able to reach sandy
beaches in a single bound…it’s a dolphin…it’s a Sea World orca whale…no, wait!
It’s Super Shark! SyFy Originals does it once again, folks. They are able to
take shark films to a whole other hilarious level with Super Shark, the Prehistoric
Shark of Steel, who is more super villain than super hero.
After an oil drilling accident goes awry, a shark of extraordinary
talents tears down an oceanic mining facility before turning its attention to terrorizing
beachgoers. This shark is no ordinary shark though, it’s a Super Shark! Even
though it is the size of an airline, it is able to sneak up on swimmers close
to shore with the stealth of a ninja. And don’t think you’re safe on the beach
either, because he is able to launch himself from about a quarter-mile out of
the ocean to land smack dab on people chilling on shore, using the greatest
radar known to man or fish. Then it can proceed to walk (or wiggle) and hunt
those down who dare to escape it on foot.
This film is an absolute hoot and should not be taken
seriously in the least bit. This sea creature makes Jaws’ girth, size and
intelligence comparable to the common goldfish. But then again, this is Fred
Olen Ray we are talking about so you should expect nothing less.
First we have the main story of a superior shark running
wild around a seedy mega conglomerate performing illegal drilling practices and
ocean pollution, headed by one of the Dukes of Hazzard’s Duke boys, John
Schneider! A suspended agent with a personal agenda investigates the company’s
cover up along with a boat captain who first learns of Super Shark’s existence.
Then there is a completely pointless subplot pertaining to a lifeguard love
triangle that comes to an abrupt, belly busting conclusion serving absolutely
no benefit to the overall story except to add in a higher body count and laughs
for all of us.
This flick is just par for the course from those behind SyFy
Pictures who continue to exploit the standard sharksplotation flick to epic
proportions. Watch it with a couple of beers and enjoy the absurdity as it
comes to life on screen, both in the CGI effects and head-shaking dialogue. And
give it up for Schneider, who still looks amazing for his age and sells his
role with the utmost sincerity. And for Jimmie Walker's cameo that is DY-NO-MITE!!!
With the highly anticipated sequel to The Expendables due out tomorrow, The Man-Cave wanted to to take a moment away from SHARK WEEKZ to review the original...
When you were younger, did you ever dream of watching the all-stars of action heroes all in one film? Did you ever want to see your favorite characters from Rambo, Commando, Die Hard, and countless others blow up the screen together? Well, Sylvester Stallone has answered the call with his film The Expendables, a throwback action flick that combines the great action heroes of yesteryear with the talented action stars of today.
Barney Ross (Stallone) heads up the mercenary group "The Expendables", which includes Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), Ying Yang (Jet Li), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), and Toll Road (Randy Couture). Each maintaining a certain skill and strength making the "whole more powerful than the one", they consider themselves to be the best of the best in their industry and will take on any job as long as the pay is right and they are allowed to take a moralistic approach in their slaughters.
After a recent mission, Ross is recruited by the mysterious Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) to take out General Garza (Dexter's David Zayas) and his army on the island of Vilena. When the Garza's daughter Sandra (Giselle Itie) helps them to do recon of the island, they deduct that Church is actually C.I..A. and his true reason for this job is to have them assassinate former agent gone bad, James Munroe (Eric Roberts). Once they are able to escape Vilena with every intention to remove themselves from the operation, since they do not involve themselves in shady government business, they are forced to go back to the island only to save Sandra because Ross' humanity enables him to do the right thing. Making matters worse for them is Munroe's own muscle, including The Brit (Gary Daniels) and Paine ("Stone Cold" Steve Austin), as well as Hansen, who sides with Munroe once Ross bumps him off the team after tiring of his loose cannon antics. Let the games begin!
The Expendables is pure 80's action movie bliss with a touch of current act(ion)ors who are keeping the genre alive. The story is simple, the dialogue is simpler and the acting is deliciously cheesy at best...and that's the way pure action fans this movie is geared towards like it! There is nary a time when carnage is not being thrown at the screen, so don't look for deep character development or plot substance. Like the great Roddy Piper once stated, these guys are "here to kick ass and chew bubble gum", and their supply of Bubblalicious ran out a long time ago.
Other notable cameos include Mickey Rourke, who plays Tool. He is sort of a mentor and father figure to the whacky team being that he is a former mercenary who left the business a while ago when he needed to re-think his life's direction. Of course, there is also the heavily hyped appearance of Arnold Schwarzenegger appearing side-by-side with Stallone as a rival mercenary team leader, who turns down Church's offer in favor of Ross.
If you are not in the demographic the movie is gauged at, you are going
to roll your eyes or whine how "dumb" it is. So do yourself a favor and hit up some art films instead. For you action film
fans longing to see the genre's gold standard on screen all
at once, you are going to mark out like you are ten years old all over
again. You will also find pleasure with the in-jokes galore that relates to great flicks of the past. The most hilarious one is contained in Stallone's comments about Schwarzenegger's character.
If you miss your 80's blow 'em action yarns and want to see one for current times, Stallone has given you a movie that is close as it is ever going to those glory days. A veteran of many successful action films, even Cobra (shut up, it's awesome!), Stallone at the helm is a solid choice to direct. He understands what the fans want and gives it to them again and again on a silver platter. Funny thing is that he is actually upstaged by Statham, the champion of new age action flicks and an integral inclusion in this film.
The only thing that would have made The Expendables even more blissful would have been appearances by other icons Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wesley Snipes, who both dropped out of the film for one reason or another, as well as Chuck Norris. But hey - there is always the upcoming sequel due to be released, so you never know who is going to show up. And we all know Chuck will be there.
Be "Expendable" with your wallet and buy this flick if you have not already and bring back the days of fun, mindless violence...when it was all so free and innocent.
(THIS REVIEW IS BASED ON THE BLU-RAY EXTENDED CUT)
“This Time It’s Personal!”…and all Jaws fans should all be
personally offended by it.
Welcome to 1987…the year of horrible sequels! There were
some fresh film ideas during 1987 with Robocop, The Lost Boys, Predator, The
Witches of Eastwick, Full Metal Jacket, Wall Street, Near Dark, Spaceballs, and
Lethal Weapon. Then there were the heavy amount of poor sequels the year
brought us as well: Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, House II: The Second
Story, Teen Wolf Too, Death Wish 4: The Crackdown, The Living Daylights, and
Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (Evil Dead II gets a pass, of course
because it is awesome!). Rounding out the list of sequel failures was
Universal’s attempt to continue the Jaws franchise with the absolutely absurd
Jaws The Revenge.
After the Amity sheriff Sean Brody (Mitchell Anderson) is
killed by another great white who popped into the area, Ellen Brody (the
returning Lorraine Gary) believes that the shark came back to kill her son in
retaliation for Scheider’s Brody character killing the sharks in the first two
Jaws films. Her older son Mike (Lance Guest) brings her down to spend time away from the pain of
Amity in the Bahamas, where he lives with his wife Carla (Karen Young) and
daughter Thea (Judith Barsi).
The shark follows them down to the Bahamas because it
actually does have a score to settle with all of the Brodys. No, this is not a
joke. Making matters worse is that Mike works as a diver, so the shark makes
its presence known when it unsuccessfully attacks him. In turn, he keeps the
shark as a secret so Ellen does not freak out.
Meanwhile, Mario Van Peebles and his horrible attempt at a Jamaican accent helps Mike
try to catch the shark and Michael Caine shows up to try to get his groove on
with Ellen. All of this happens while Jaws tries to get his “revenge”!
The sad thing about this film is that the opening attack
scene is actually filmed and staged very well. Sean Brody’s death is one of the coolest
and most brutal attacks in the franchise’s history. It occurs at night and
happens suddenly without the standard “Dun-Dun” theme. Instead, we hear the
distant voices of Amity Christmas carolers singing in the
background. It is actually a bit haunting to hear that while Sean gets his arm
ripped off and then is knocked into the water for the finishing chomp while the
red light from the buoy illuminates the ocean water.
Unfortunately, this
is where the film begins to go downhill as it is revealed that the shark set a
trap for Sean, when the wood he was trying to remove from the buoy is shown to
have shark teeth marks on it. So a creature that lives under the sea with below
average intelligence learned that Sean grew up to become the sheriff and would
be the one to heed the call to remove a piece of wood from the buoy because
everyone else in the department would be unavailable because of other events happening
that night. Therefore, the shark concocts a master plan to drag a piece of wood
and jam it onto the buoy knowing Sean would come out to remove it. Yes – this
is the type of logic that the rest of the film tries to convey and it only
gets worse from there on out when the shark follows the family to the Bahamas, in record
time for a fish swimming from the Martha Vineyard area no less, because it knows exactly where they are heading. Oh vey!
Another detriment to the film is the focus being on Lorraine
Gary’s Ellen Brody character. Gary was a secondary character in the first two films and
never that important in the grand scheme of things, but since she was married
to the Universal studio head at the time and no one else wanted to come back to the lifeless
franchise, she got the nod as main star. Then there is poor Lance Guest.
Whatever traction Guest had going for him was unfortunately squashed after this
bomb ala Michael Beck going from The Warriors to Xanadu. And Michael Caine
admittedly did this film strictly for the money and even missed accepting his
Academy Award for Hannah and Her Sisters. He is quoted as saying, "I have
never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the
house that it built, and it is terrific." So that pretty much sums up the interest of his involvement.
Lord knows that Sargent really tried to tie this fourth
sequel into the original as much as he could. Examples include the first few
minutes set in Amity, Lee Fierro as Mrs. Kitner from the original having a cameo
and a picture of Roy Scheider displayed in the police department. Speaking
of Scheider, he did not want to come back for this installment after he learned
he was scripted to die in the opening scene, not Sean. Jaws loyalists would
have burned the theaters down all over the nation if they saw Sheriff Brody
manhandled the way Sean was in that scene. So they wrote him off as having a
heart attack due to his first two experiences with the shark. Lame. Another way
that Sargent tried to tie things into the original film was have a heap of
flashbacks from Jaws courtesy of Ellen, where we constantly see Brody kill off
the shark as well from the original's ending as well during one scene where Guest’s daughter mocks
everything he does at the kitchen table like Scheider and Jay Mello did in the
first one. She also has flashbacks of Sean’s demise. These are all huge errors
since her character was not around to see most of these events transpire! How the heck
is she going to know what exactly happened? Finally, a random woman pulls little
Thea out of the shark’s reach and sacrifices herself in the process, much like
the man did for little Mike Brody in the first one. Again, this is Jaws The Revenge
where everything and anything is possible. As much as this tries to be as
connected to the original as possible, all it does is cause you to want to pop
in a DVD of Jaws and watch that one again instead pretending that this was ever made.
Jaws was filmed in 1975 and the unreliable shark prop that
plagued most of the production still looks real enough to strike fear in the
hearts of moviegoers. Fast forward to 1987 and the shark in this movie looks the fakest of all models in the series, including in comparison to the ones in Jaws 3-D! In fact, this Revenge shark looks like nothing more than a giant muppet with teeth that has been
submerged underwater. That’s right, it is Muppet Jaws! You can also see cables, seams and cranes in many shots. It's like the filmmakers weren't even trying to hide the fact that the shark was a major fake!
Revenge also contains the lowest body count of any film in the
series. You get a lot of blood when it happens, but otherwise, our shark is
pretty picky when it comes to his meals. It only attacks the Brodys and the
people it does get its teeth on completely happens by accident.
If there are any positives to the fourth one, it would be
the cool over the water POV camera shots Sargent installs for the beast. Also, the remix of
John Williams score is a pretty enhancing soundtrack. Admittedly, these are the
only two worthy things about the film. Unless you count the shark constantly
roaring, Caine getting out of the water with completely dry clothes and the
ending. But they are “great” for the wrong reasons by being unintentionally
hilarious.
Speaking of the ending...want another kick to your shins? After you dredge through
this horrible film, you are treated with the most confusing climaxes in cinematic
history. You have no idea what happens thanks to the awful editing when your
villain just dies. That’s it, game over. Years later when the film made it to TV and VHS, Universal
just could not let a turkey be a turkey. No, they had to add in a narration at
the beginning explaining that what you are about to see is all a coincidence.
Nice try at backtracking, Universal. Then depending on what version you happen
to catch, the shark either dies by exploding when the boat rams it or a more
graphic scene showing the boat spearing it in the head. Plus, one of the
characters that perished in the theatrical version miraculously survives.
In the end, Jaws: The Revenge was made to surpass Jaws 3-D as
never having existed when in fact this one should not have existed either. In a
sea of 1987’s bad sequels, this could very well rank as the worse and
unfortunately left a bad taste in many moviegoers mouths concerning the whole
franchise. Thus ’87 marked its end. Even the Nintendo game based on this film was better than this dreck and that is one flawed video game!
“The Third Dimension in Terror!”…and this dimension’s terror
is extremely lame.
Five years after it was not safe to go back into the water, Universal goes to well again by telling us it is not safe to go to an aquarium
park. And this time, they promise us the “Third Dimension in Terror!” The third
Jaws sequel was originally supposed to be a parody sequel by the producers of
the first two films, Richard D. Zanuck and David Brown entitled Jaws 3, People
0, concerning the Jaws shark thwarting another sequel from being released to the
world. When Universal nixed the idea after a script was submitted by them in
order to go in a more serious direction with the third Jaws movie, they quit Universal.
In the aftermath, Jaws 3-D was born, using the 3-D gimmick which was scorching
during that time frame.
Now at Sea World in Florida and out of Amity, Mike Brody
(Dennis Quaid) is all grown up and an employee at the park along with his gal
Kathryn Morgan (Bess Armstrong). The boss Calvin Bouchard is ready for the huge
grand opening of the park’s newest attraction, the Undersea Kingdom, which is a
giant underwater tunnel. As the attraction is about to open to the public, a
shark attacks a diver repairing the gate to the park’s lagoon, which allows it
to enter Sea World. So yet another great white begins to plague the Brody
family.
Once they learn of the shark’s presence, seasoned
photographer Calvin FitzRoyce (Simon MacCorkindale) helps Brody and crew
capture the shark and try to make it into a new Sea World attraction – the
first great white in captivity. But things get disastrous when the team finds
out that the shark they captured is the baby and that the larger mother is
loose in the park as well…just in time for opening day.
Eight years after the original when technology should be
improved, Jaws 3-D contains some lackluster special effects especially where our
sharks are concerned. They look worse than Brucette of Jaws 2, while the 3-D
effects do not even enhance the tenaciousness of having a great white's mouth
in your face a majority of the time. In fact, the best 3-D effect happens in the
film’s opening moments when a half eaten fish still bobs its mouth as it drifts
towards the screen. Also, the greatly hyped POV from inside the shark’s mouth is
an absolute mess of a scene and its intended horror is a bit of a yawn.
The acting is hammy at best, with Quaid looking about as
concerned about the whole ordeal as he would be over a mosquito bite, former
Academy Award winner Gossett, Jr. trying to pull off a bad Cajun accent,
Armstrong delivering her lines as if she were speaking to kids in grade school,
and John Putch portraying young Sean Brody as if he is either very bored or
very drunk…or both. The only saving graces are the late MacCorkindale who
brings energy to his cocky character, P.H. Moriarty as FitzRoyce’s faithful
sidekick Jack and a young Lea Thompson as Sean Brody’s love interest.
The best part of the film is the unintentionally hilarious
ending. Not only are the effects completely laughable, the scene defies all
logic and ends with abruptly without the audience learning what happened to key
characters in peril. The one last chance director Joe Alves has to scare the
audience leaves them either laughing or scratching their heads instead. It is a
sequence that must be seen to be (under)appreciated. No wonder why Quaid, who
went on to have a great Hollywood comeback, admits to being so under the
influences of drugs that he doesn’t even remember being in this film.
A funny factoid about this flick is that many of the film’s
elements were supposed to be a slap in the face to the creators of the Jaws
ripoff, The Last Shark. Universal had previously won a court battle against
Shark’s filmmakers for blatantly stealing many ideas from the first two Jaws
films and thus caused their film to not be released in theaters. Just to rub the victory
in their faces, Universal stole ideas from Shark and put them in Jaws 3-D. In
the end, the joke was on them since The Last Shark holds an international cult
appeal, and the ideas they stole from that film are reasons that Jaws 3-D sinks
to the bottom of the ocean as a major motion picture.
Looks like the Zanuck and Brown’s parody would have been the
best road traveled here and this dismal attempt to continue the franchise
should have the cue to close it out. Instead 3-D paves the way for a "revenge"
that actually is a worse Jaws sequel than this one, if that was actually possible. However, that is another awkward film to discuss on another day.
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