Dr. Pepper Ten's Not as Manly as Advertised

You've probably seen the many commercials with Rambo wannabes cruising around in jungle jeeps telling you that drinking diet soda is effeminate. To be a real man, you need real soda taste, so you should buy Dr. Pepper Ten - a "real" soda with only ten calories. Then you can travel through rugged territories and strike fear in the hearts of your adversaries. Umm, ok.

This is one of the most ridiculous marketing positioning from the minds at Dr. Pepper. First of all, when has anyone segregated another man, as far as calling him "girlie" for drinking diet soda (which is a girlie thing to do in and of itself)? The Gene Simmons KISS ads from last year for Cherry Dr. Pepper were definitely attention grabbers, but this campaign truly feels like it is forcing an angle to lure in the male demographic. The result is lame-o-rama in a can.

So The Man-Cave decided to take the taste challenge. As a longtime lover of Diet Dr. Pepper, and those who truly know me can attest to my addiction, it was time to see what all the hoopla is about.

The result: it tastes EXACTLY the same as Diet Dr. Pepper. In fact, if you would have slipped this Ten formula into a can and sold it as Diet Dr. Pepper, no one would even know the difference. Not even an addict like yours truly.

Here's an idea for Dr. Pepper product managers to lure in the male demographic the right way without all of the make vs. female nonsense that has no place in 2012.

Step One: Abandon this idea that reeks of the same mindset as Crystal Pepsi and Pepsi One miserably tried to generate more revenue with some years back. No one's buying that type of concept any more than they are buying the actual product. Yet, the girlie Diet Dr. Pepper is always sold out, thus why The Man-Cave's storage area is stockpiled with cases of them for when those 4 for $10 sales end. Gotta save up to last through these sellout droughts.

Step Two: Change the branding colors from white to a more neutral color. The only good thing about Dr. Pepper Ten is the dark gray color. That should replace Diet Dr. Pepper's much needed update to the look and feel of the bottles/cans.

Step Three: Hire some X-Games' champ or MMA superstar to endorse it by being the "face" of the brand. Using the "Extreme" angle is the same way Mountain Dew got back in the soda wars. Instead of positioning a new drink with few calories and trying to make it seem "manly" in the same sense as an Old Spice commercial that does NOT star Bruce Campbell (#2007reference), stop calling your current best seller "girlie" so that dudes who drink it don't start getting a complex and switch to another soft drink. But first and foremost, make the drink seem X-treme!

Step Four: Along with Step Three, make sure to mention how much caffeine is in the Dr. Pepper formula, because it's slightly less than Mountain Dew and still packs a huge wallop. This is sure to draw in the same Dew marks who down Monster Energy drinks like water and film themselves doing life-threatening stunts for YouTube and Daniel Tosh to exploit for us all to enjoy.

Rant over. Lesson learned today: Dr. Pepper Ten is Diet Dr. Pepper with gray colored bottles/cans. The Man-Cave has come up with a solution to making Diet Dr. Pepper seem manly (a problem I was never aware existed considering how many dudes I know drink it). Dr. Pepper, give me a call to get on your marketing team pronto and readers, please buy Diet Dr. Pepper instead of Ten. 10-4.