Sunday, January 29, 2012

WWE Royal Rumble 2012 PPV Results

Live from the Scottrade Center in St. Louis, Missouri, it's time for the 25th Annual edition of the WWE Royal Rumble! Coming off arguably their best PPV of 2011, TLC, the WWE launches the first of the big four PPV events with Wrestlemania right around the corner. All of the matches have a ton of potential, especially the 30-man over the top rope main event which is always is fun to watch. Man is that Switchfoot "Dark Horses" song awesome. Anyway, let's get to the action...

World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Steel Cage Match: 
Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan (champ) vs. Mark Henry

The slow burning heel turn for Bryan may come into tonight's match, which he might need to do in order to walk out as champ under these insurmountable odds. He has been able to slip away with the strap when recently facing these to behemoths in one-on-one matchups, but now he is locked in a steel cage with both of them having intentions to squash him flat. Is this the end of the reign or a beginning of a new era for Bryan?  

RESULT: Daniel Bryan retains the title when he escapes from the cage. Bryan was made to look strong in this one and Henry's real life injury was noticeable as he did not see much action throughout. Really surprised that this title match was the opening fight on the card.

Video Promo: 
John Cena promo. He's there day in, day have seen and heard it all before. The part with the troops was a nicer touch though.

 Divas Tag Match (huh?): 
Divas of Doom & Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve, Tamina & Alicia Fox

Last minute add-on match. Where has Beth been all this time? No real focus here...they all kind of hate each other. Basically this is filler and there was no time to find an official pic for this section.

RESULT: Beth Phoenix pinned Kelly Kelly after hitting the Glam Slam. Luckily this match was not too long and it was great to see Beth Phoenix back in action. Now back to regularly scheduled programming...

Backstage Segment: 
Zack Ryder (in a wheelchair and a back brace) shows up with Eve to tell John Lauranitis that he is there to see Cena kick Kane's butt. Guess no surprise Ryder Rumble return. Eve gives John L. the business and hopes he gets fired tomorrow on RAW.

Embrace the Hate Match (haha!): 
John Cena (Skywalker) vs. Kane (The Emperor)

 Is this feud over yet? For years, many have clamored for the return of masked Kane but the 'E has sucked the life out of the angle by making it all about John Cena embracing the hate. Kane plays Emperor to Cena's Anakin Skywalker and it has been embarrassingly hokey. And somehow Zack Ryder got dragged into the angle and it cost him the U.S. Title. Here is to hoping that this will be the end of the joke and if Cena does not start to turn heel because of this, then the angle was a huge waste of time for everyone involved.

RESULT: No contest with them both fighting up the ramp as the ref counts a double countout. After the fight reaches the back, Kane drags Ryder to the ring and Tombstones him even after Eve begs for him to stop. Cena tries to help but gets chokeslammed in the process. Eve still blames Cena. Guess this angle is still TBD. Pfft!

Single Match: 
Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

 Another last minute added match (again no pic above) involving the undefeated The Funkasaurus and McIntyre, who can't buy a win. Expect the jobbing to continue here as I don't know Drew has to do to get out of the WWE doghouse.

RESULT: Clay in another squash followed by his trademark dancing. So far, this schtick still hasn't gotten old even though it will be remarkable to see him fight in a match longer than a minute. But how can you not love the man from Planet Funk? "My bad!"

WWE Championship Match: 
  CM Punk(champ) vs. Dolph Ziggler 
w/ special guest ref John Laurinaitis

The interim RAW GM and VP of Talent Relations has been warned to call this one down the middle, despite his relationship with Punk, as he will be reviewed for his position tomorrow night on RAW by none other than Triple H. Outside of story lines, Ziggler has definitely worked his butt off in 2011 to get to the main event level and deserves a high exposure match such as this. As cool as it is to be champ, Punk does not need the title anymore to get over, not to say it would be great having him walk out of the Rumble as champ. Either way, both men are great workers and either having their arm raised is a victory for the WWE. Is Johnny Boy going to call it down the middle? 

RESULT: Punk retains after hitting the GTS in another top star match between these two athletes. Easily the best bout on the card with the interim GM calling it down the middle...minus a little goofiness towards the end of the match.

The Royal Rumble: 
30 WWE Superstars

You know the rules: it starts out with two men and another grappler comes in every 9 seconds. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope and the last man remaining earns an instant title match at Wrestlemania. There are always surprise entrants, such as Diesel last year, and mums been on them so far. But expect Alberto Del Rio and Christian to return from injury as well as Zach Ryder his (kayfabe) ailment. The main buzz has been surrounding Chris Jericho's true in-ring return, where he has promised us all that the world will end as we know it at the Rumble. Are we going to finally find out who "she" is and what Jericho's intentions are for the WWE? Who's going to Wrestlemania...favorites right now are Randy Orton, Sheamus and Wade Barrett.

#1 Miz
#2 Alex Riley
#3 R-Truth
#4 Cody Rhodes
#5 Justin Gabriel
#6 Primo
#7 Mick Foley
#8 Ricardo Rodriquez
#9 Santino Marella
#10 Epico
#11 Kofi Kingston
#12 Jerry Lawler
#13 Ezekiel Jackson
#14 Jinder Mahal
#15 The Great Khali
#16 Hunico
#17 Booker T
#18 Dolph Ziggler
#19 Hacksaw Jim Duggan
#20 Michael Cole
#21 Kharma
#22 Sheamus
#23 Road Dogg Jesse James
#24 Jey Uso
#25 Jack Swagger
#26 Wade Barrett
#27 David Otunga
#28 Randy Orton
#29 Chris Jericho
#30 Big Show

Miz eliminated Riley
Miz eliminated Truth
Foley and Rodriquez eliminated Gabriel
Foley eliminated Primo
Santino eliminated Rodriquez
Foley eliminated Epico with Mr. Socko
Rhodes eliminated Santino
Rhodes eliminated Foley
Rhodes eliminated Lawler
Khali eliminated Mahal
Khali eliminated Jackson
Rhodes eliminated Duggan
Rhodes and Ziggler eliminated Booker T and Khali
Booker T eliminated Cole by pulling him to the outside
Kharma eliminated Hunico
Ziggler eliminated Kharma
Sheamus eliminated Kingston
Barrett eliminated Road Dogg
Orton eliminated Uso
Orton eliminated Barrett
Jericho eliminated Otunga
Big Show and Sheamus eliminated Swagger
Big Show eliminated Miz and Rhodes
Big Show eliminated Ziggler
Orton eliminated Big Show
Jericho eliminated Orton
Sheamus eliminated Jericho

RESULT: Sheamus eliminated Jericho win a Brogue Kick to knock Jericho to the floor. There were some questionable choices like Otunga, Uso, Epico, and Primo, but it was great to see Duggan and Road Dogg (who was receiving hige pops and chants that he "still had it") return as surprise entrants.


The Royal Rumble match is always cool to watch, but this year's entrants left a lot to be desired. The Jericho "promise" to end the world as we know it was a non-factor as well. Besides the Punk-Ziggler matchup, the other bouts were pretty much so-so. But aren't these PPVs all just to setup the following night's RAW nowadays anyway? Final score is that it was OK, but definitely a step down in the excitement of the WWE's past two PPVs to close out 2011.


Fred [The Wolf] said...

Great wrap-up. Cena "constipated face" FTW!

The Artist Formerly Known as J. Astro said...

What the fuck are they doing putting Lawler and Cole in there? Jeeeeez. :(

SonOfCelluloid said...

Remember when the Rumble played into feuds and storylines and almost every guy in it had a reason to be fighting someone? With the exception of Miz/R Truth and Orton/Barrett, this was just throwing everyone they don't have anything for into the match. They could have used it to push the Funkasaurus, or get some heat back for Ziggler after his loss, much of anything. The only really great moments were Kofi's handwalk, Karma's return, and the comedic stuff with Rodriguez's clunker and the socko vs. cobra standoff. The Rumble is always entertaining, but this one just wasn't up to par.

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