Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Kick-Ass Blogger Award

My lovely wife Jules has just bestowed upon me two awards, one of which is The Kick Ass Blogger Award. I want to separate these awards posts because each requires something different, so I will cover the second one tomorrow.

Jules over at Chic & Pink wanted to pass this along to me so she could be the first blogger to give me an award that didn't look too girlie for the Man-Cave.
ETMC Note: Girlie or not, I always love, accept and appreciate these awards when my awesome blog buddies send them my way. Check out my sidebar!

The rules for accepting this award is simple:

1) Link back to the person who nominated you for the reward and say a little something about their blog

2) Select 8 bloggers you think are "kick-ass" by linking to them in your post

3) E-mail/tweet/comment on a post on their site or do whatever you need to in order to let your nominees know they have been nominated and to check out your post.

4) Finally - paste the picture of the award in your post.

Here is my acceptance speech (lol):

Thanks to Jules at Chic & Pink for nominating me for the Kick-Ass Blogger Award. Her blog is the anti-Man-Cave, but she speaks on a lot of general topics and is sweet as sweet can be. Definitely check out her blog and join the army of followers she has (367 as I type this!)

Now for my eight Kick-Ass Bloggers, I nominate the following in no particular order...

1) Jesse at
Not Worth Mentioning

2) TS Hendrik at
The Non-Review

3) Ian at
The Daily Dose of Reality

4) Lisa Marie at
The Domestication of a Party Girl

I Think It's Interesting

6) Joe over at
The Shadow of My Life

7) Kato at Pandorah's Box

8) Ally at Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

To these eight nominees, thanks for following and participating in my little blog hobby at ETMC! You guys and gals "
kick royal fucking ass"!

These are some of my newest followers/followees whose sites have become a daily visiting requirement. You should definitely check them out when you get a chance. Just know that if I missed you: I love you, nothing personal, and there is always next time!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Gamer (2009) Review - No Spoilers

My wife implored me to see this film because it features one of her new fav hotties, Michael C. Hall of Dexter. Of course she doesn't remember when we saw the trailer for Gamer in the theater twice before its release where she looked at me both times and gave a huge "thumbs down". But now she is love with Hall, so it's acceptable material to view...and I thought the trailer looked interesting enough to begin with. Combine that with my man crush for Hall and we had ourselves a Friday night action flick to enjoy.

Hall: "Gerard's not following Harry's Code."

The film takes place in a future where video games reach a new frontier: the characters in the games are real. So basically, normal everyday people control these human characters' movements. Think of yourself playing Super Mario Bros. for example. You are controlling Mario as he jumps and runs swims. But imagine now that Mario is a actually a real person you are controlling somewhere in the middle of the desert in a man-made set. So if you make your Mario jump too soon and he falls to his death in the game, the real man you were controlling dies for real too. Pretty fucked up, huh?

Well this technology is made possible by uber-psycho genius Nick Castle (Micahel C. Hall) who is a media phenomenon due to the creation of his innovative real-life games: Slayers and Society. While Society is like The Sims but with people partying and having sex all of the time, Slayers is Castle's bread and butter which is a bit first person shooter-esque.
Gerard Butler plays Kable, who while controlled by a 17-year old kid, is the reigning champ of the Slayers universe. People watch these games live on televisions like spectators sports, so Kable is the fan favorite and his teenager user is a bit of a celebrity in his own rite. Unfortunately for Kable, he has been wrongly imprisoned in the Slayer universe and longs to get out and back to his wife and child. One problem - people who are assigned to play Slayers are death row inmates, so the only way to be free is to die or be given a full pardon if they are able to escape the Slayers battlefield. The latter is virtually impossible.

Ludacris (yup that same one) is in it at a leader of a resistance group out to expose that Castle is not the lovable tech genius he is made out to be. Apparently, Castle is not being honest about who gets thrown into the game for their life sentence. Also, Castle and Kable have some beef with each other but we are not sure what it is exactly until the end, so I won't spoil it here.

Terry Crews and John Leguizamo show up in some interesting roles. And I want to know if Amber Valleta drinks the blood of the young because she is hot as hell in this film. Seriously does the woman age? And I am glad Luda is only in it for a short time. When I saw him pop up in the trailer, I rolled my eyes and feared that he was going to have a larger presence in the film.

Ladies look to the right of this pic and guys look to the lower left

This movie was alright, which is odd for me to not feel passionately about a film one way or the other. I'm not saying it's bad, but it's not the most innovative piece of celluloid I have ever seen either. It had a lot of action and I enjoyed seeing some the gadgets in this futuristic universe at work, but there was just something about the film that felt a little off-base. It definitely was not what I was expecting because it is played straight yet a little weird at the same time. And I say that in a good way! There were also some homages to
Blade Runner that were pretty funny and Michael C. Hall was excellent as the film's antagonist.

If you like action mixed with science-fiction and don't mind a little weirdness, this is a film you should check out. The writer/directors are the same team behind the Crank films which I enjoy, so if you like those films then you have to see this one as well. A recommendation to the filmmakers is to make a film about the Society universe because that would be the greatest game ever if it was real!

One final note: there was one scene that had me laughing my ass off and is by far the most memorable scene in the film in my opinion. Amber Valleta, who plays Kable's wife Angie, works in the Society game as a human character. Her user guides her into a whacked out club where she meets another human character named Rick Rape played hilariously by
Heroes' Milo Ventimiglia. Maybe it is not meant to be hilarious, but the sight of Peter Petrelli where some tight ass pleather outfit, laughing maniacally and trying to score with Valleta's ass is a sight to behold. Hats off to you Milo! Please see below for Peter Petrelli awesomeness...

Friday, January 29, 2010

The ending to every 80s film in 5 minutes!

This short film is an oldie but a goodie that was made back in '03. Must watch material if you were a product of the 80s. See how many cliches you can match to an 80s film in 5 minutes...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

This Day in SPAM MAIL FAIL 1/28/10

Dear Friend,
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition. I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you.
But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque out of the company to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture.
Due to your effort sincerity courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $900000.00 (Nine hundred Thousand United States Dollars) I have authorized the finance house where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank.
My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque Dr John David is as follows.
At the moment I am very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and my new partner are having at hand. Finally remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on your behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them without delay.You are to contact him with the following information.
1.Your Full Name;
2.Your Home Address:
3.Your Telephone Number:
4.Your Place of Work and Address:
5.Your Email Address:
6. Age:
Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart. Thanks and God bless you and your family. You should also know that you will be paying for the delivery of your cheque.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Your's Faithfully
Mrs. Patricia Lawal

My response:

Dear Patricia,

Can I call you Patty? Great!

Thanks for reminding me about not finishing this bank account fund transaction. You know I still haven't kicked that AJAX-snorting fetish of mine and those blackouts keep happening right along with them.

Yeah I can contact the Finance House. Do you know if they have an extra room where I can crash the next time I go on my AJAX bender. I don't need much, just a room and floor. Hell I'll take the closet if need be.

Where was I? AJAX? No. Right - money. Thanks for spelling out what $900000.00 is in words. Because you know I have problems putting commas in money amounts. Oh wait - no that's you. My bad.

Ok so all I have to do is pay for the cheque...doh! Now you got me doing it! It's check, dammit! Check!

"From the bottom of your heart?" "Good Faith?" "God bless you and your family?" You know that if there is a hell, you are building a mansion down there trying to take advantage of computer-illiterate and elderly people right? So with that being said...

GFY with a chainsaw,


Friday Funny: Anal Invasion in the Avatar Chamber - OUCH!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tanith Belbin: The only reason a man should watch ice skating

Back in '05 while I was trying to earn brownie points with my wife-to-be, I had to endure watching her one of her favorite spectator sports, ice skating. She is certified by the ISI so understand that she has a tight connection with the sport. Being a good boyfriend, I sat through two hours of The U.S. Nationals and felt like I was going to start menstruating, until...


I asked Jules all nonchalantly, "Hey, so umm, who is that?" - which I guess was not so nonchalant as I was met with rolled eyes and an, "Ew! That's Tanith Belbin." Maybe I should have made more comments earlier that were not so disparaging, I would have gotten away with it.

The best part is that she trains with her partner Ben Agosto in Aston, PA which is like 20 minutes from me. Maybe I will take the wife and I on a field trip to watch her train in person.

Now when ice skating is turned on, so am I.

Thanks for reading my stalker post!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Video Games based on Horror Flicks (The Atari Years)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Wizard Video; Atari; 1982)

How can you make a bad game where you play as Leatherface and chop up teens? See this game...

Believe it or not I played this game (on a ROM) and boy does it suck. These graphics are bad even for Atari standards.

Check out Angry Video Game Nerd's hilarious review:

Halloween (Wizard Video; Atari; 1983)

Much better than TCM, which is not hard to be. Another I tried via ROM. They even kept Carpenter's original score but it gets annoying after some time.

Another AVGN funny review:

Frankenstein's Monster

Not technically based on a horror film, but close enough. Another played via ROM. Fun but very repetitive.

Monday, January 25, 2010

FOX is already talking with Conan?

People of Earth, Team CoCo just might have their wish come true with Conan heading to FOX for their proposed late night show beginning later this year. O'Brien's farewell show on Friday scored a whopping 8.0 rating and now the other major network is talking to Conan about being their late night host when his no-compete clause expires in September of this year.

FOX wants someone who has a proven track record to do a stable and successful late night talk show day in and day out, so who would be a better free agent than O'Brien. There are a couple of other networks interested in Conan's services, but obviously he is going to a situation with the most exposure and best potential quality of work.

In the meantime, let's enjoy the CoCo reruns while they last...

Source: - one of my favorite sites!

Monster Mania coming to Cherry Hill, NJ!

Monster Mania coming to Cherry Hill, NJ in March and I cannot wait to go. I had to miss the last two years because of my travel schedule, but I am going to put in the time off tomorrow and get my tickets asap. I might even go all-out and do the whole V.I.P. package.

Guests are still early in the making, but confirmed so far: Doug Bradley, the cast of Night of the Creeps is going to be there, Bruce Abbott, the cast from the original My Bloody Valentine, William Katt, Gary Busey, Eric Roberts, Greg "The Hammer" Valentine, Mark Patton and many more. The lineup isn't like a home run or anything, but confirmed attendees are still in the early stages. Can't wait to see who else gets added.

While it is cool to get autographs and pictures with the guests, one of the main draw for me is to look at the vendor tables for horror trinkets and collectibles. Last time, I got a copy of Versus, Battle Royale and Ringu 2. And I won a copy of the Freddy vs. Jason soundtrack which was crap but it was free. It's my beer coaster now.

My wife introduced this to me when I first moved back to Philly in '05 and we went for the whole Saturday where we got to meet Robert Englund, Andrew Brezynski, Heather Langenkamp, Amanda Wyss, Sid Haig and some more that I can't remember off hand. Didn't mean to ramble.

Is anyone else planning to attend? If so, it would be great to meet up in person. If you are attending, please shoot me an e-mail.

Here is the link if anyone wants to attend the con:


Mondays Suck: James Cameron's New Film

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Keeping It Reel: Daybreakers (2009) Review NO SPOILERS

"Living in a world where vampires are the dominate species is about as safe as bare backing a 5 dollar whore."

I steered clear of my blogger colleagues reviews of this film because I wanted zero spoilers going into this one. But the vibe I was receiving from message boards and other film webstes was that this film was going to "suck", no vamp pun intended.

Daybreakers takes place in a futuristic alternate universe where the human population is nearly extinct and vampires rule the planet. Extinction of the human race means that human blood and the only food source for vampires is going right along with it. But that much you probably already knew from the trailer.

Hawke smokes as many cigarettes as there are running time minutes

Ethan Hawke plays Edward Dalton, a hemotologist at a pharma company working to find a blood substitute with human blood running out fast. While the company, headed by evil corporate owner Charles Bromley (Sam Neill), is working towards a solution to the human blood crisis and promotes themselves as trying to perserve the human race, they are harvesting humans for their blood behidn the scenes. Literally harvesting - they have humans hooked up to machines that only keep them breathing and producing blood.

We learn that vamps who resist from drinking human blood start to devolve into aggressive, bat-like creatures that must be put out of their misery. So you see that there is a major sense of urgency here because once there is no blood, all of the vamps will expereince this de-evolution. Feeling compassion for the human race, Hawke has begun to ween off human blood himself so he is in the early stages of this transformation.

After saving some associates of a human resistance, Hawke is recruited by members Audrey Bennet (Claudia Karvan) and Lionel "Elvis" Cormac (Willem DaFoe) to join their cause and develop a cure for vampirism. But Bromley wants Edward to complete his work on the substitute and even uses Edward's militant brother Frank (Michael Dorman) to try and get him back.

If you want to know the rest, it is up to you to see the film. It was a lot different then I expected it to be, but it definitely should not be thrown in the "suck" category. The film had a great visual style that was reminisent of Blade Runner and was filmed rather beautifully in a dark way. The Spierig brothers really know how to write stories that are unique to the genre, and I say that based on my love for their 2003 zombie film effort Undead. While the film was not just a run-of-the-mill vampire flick, the story's depth was also welcomed. The gore factor was high as well, so gorehounds will be pleased. Anyone who has seen the aforementioned Undead should know how much to expect.

The performances were great all around, except for maybe Karvan - her most memorable scene included a tank top, no bra and obvious cold temperature. Hawke was an accpetable lead and Neill (who I always have a soft spot for after In the Mouth of Madness) really portrayed a great villain by not being to over-the-top with his antagonist role. But the obvious standout was Dafoe. He was hilarious especially in his line delivery - see the quote that led off this review, for example. I will say that I was certainly impressed by Michael Dorman's performance as Frank Dalton, who I hope can use this as a breakout performance and launch into more films. His American accent is flawless as I had no idea that he was from New Zealand until I did some research.

If I was to play Devil's Advocate, I will say that the pacing might be a bit too slow to keep the attention of most moviegoers and that maybe there should have been just a teeny-bit more action. The ending was a bit of a letdown, but I don't know how I could have ended it anymore effectively. My thought is that its abruptness is due to a larger story to be told in a sequel. It would be hard to imagine things to just fix that quickly and then call it a day.

Being the first in theater experience of 2010, it wasn't the best or the worst I have seen. I will probably watch it again once it hits Blu-ray because it was an interesting story and at 96 minutes, just long enough to keep my attention.

Cave Collateral:

- Hawke totally raided Han Solo's wardrobe by the film's mid-point

Hawke: "Tell Jabba I'll have his money."

Greedo: "It's too late for that."

- I was laughing every time Hawke's security alarm announced: "Security Alert! Back Door is ajar!" because I am really immature like that.

- Cool trailers for The Crazies, Legion, Kick-Ass, and She's Out of My League - which has a lame title but looks funny as shit.
This one gets 3 fangs outta 5!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Spiral (2007) Review: The Anti-Hatchet (no spoilers)


"You Know the Rules!"

Last year I watched Hatchet for the first time and thought it was great. The combination of director Adam Green and actor Joel David Moore out together a fun little fun that had me praising it here on ETMC. A fellow blogger informed me that the team made a flick in 2007 called Spiral and recommended it.

Spiral finally made it's way up my queue and into my DVD player. Someone gave me a heads-up to NOT expect anything like Hatchet, which is a good thing, but that was all of the knowledge I had before viewing.

The film begins with a man who makes a desperate late night phone call to a friend. It is implied that the caller has murdered a young waitress that he was gawking at in the previous scene. The next day we learn that the caller is a disturbed young telemarketer named Mason (Joel David Moore) and the person he called was his boss and longtime friend Berkeley (Zachary Levi).

Mason meets a new hire Amber (Amber Tamblyn) who really makes a quick connection with the introvert. After seeing the picture he sketched of presumed murdered waitress, Amber asks Mason to sketch her which he agrees to do. As their relationship begins to get serious, Mason begins to be haunted by dreams and visions of the dead waitress. The whole time Berkeley seems to be his only link to sanity, but something just is not right with Mason. He might be a reclusive man with eerie illusions or a demented killer. Watch to find out for yourself.

"Why couldn't I have been the damn Na'vi hero instead of Jake?"

Viewers be warned: This is not a horror film, but rather a psychodrama. The co-direction of Green and Moore is excellent, but the slow pacing might turn off a majority of filmgoers...especially those who might be expecting something along the lines of Hatchet. In fact, this film and that one are like night and day. There is no humor or black comedy and zero gore to be found here.

Now that those possible pre-notions have been reported, let me continue by saying that this was a pretty good film and you should check it out. This film reminded me of Love Object in the way of its premise, minus the love doll stuff, and characters but that's a really good thing. However the overall film is its "own". There's not a lot of action or thrills and you don't really know what's going on until the very end.

The acting for this level of film was spectacular. Of course Joel David Moore (pwns) and Amber Tamblyn are pretty versatile thesbians, but I was shocked by Zachary Levi's performance. I am no fan of Levi or that show NBC attempts to cram down everyone's throat Chuck. That might be the stem of my dislike for him, but that is over now...he was fantastic and completely believable as Mason's best friend Berkeley.

"Geof, you don't like Chuck?! F*** you, asshat!"

I recommend this one but again, please understand this is not a horror film. It has a slow pace because it is focused more on story. It has ups and downs and twists and turns but kept me in for the long haul. I thought I figured things out at the halfway point but boy was I wrong. I just love when films throw me curveballs. Add in some beautiful cinematography of Portland, Oregon along with the acting and story...and you've got a winner.

I always love to hear readers' comments, so I hope to hear from those who have seen this film to give their views about this one. good or bad.

Cave Collateral:

- In this film, Zachary Levi looks like Carson Daly and Jesse Metcalfe's love child. And his character is the only person I know that loves finishing out a game of hoops with a Marlboro light.

- Amber Tamblyn is with romantically linked with comedian David Cross who is 20 years her senior. I like how you roll, Mr. Cross. I like it indeed.

- Speaking of Amber, there is a certain cute factor that has always attracted me to her, even though she has Vulcan ears. This film has several shots that really expose that fact.

- Moore does a great job with the triple threat here as lead actor, co-director and screenwriter.

An idea for Dave Letterman/CBS and his show on March 1

Had a thought the other night and wanted to put it down in print. If this has been discussed or rumored yet, I have not read or heard about it.

CBS has to know that Leno and those pricks at The 'Cock are going to pull out all of the stops to take out Letterman on Leno's first night back. Leno NEEDS a huge first night because that will set the trend for the rest of his time on the air into motion. So how is the best way to shut down Leno right out of the gate? Easy...


Then it's a done deal.

CBS, I expect a percentage of funds if you use this idea. At least plug Enter the Man-Cave or something!

Conan O'Brien's Farewell Speech (01-23-10)

Here's the transcript from Conan O'Brien's farewell speech that aired about an hour ago. It's a little long, but it's worth reading. Very genuine and carries a very special message about life in general. Must Read...

"Before we bring this rodeo to a close, I think a couple things should be said. There's been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can't say about NBC. And this isn't a joke. To set the record straight, and this is true, tonight I'm allowed to say anything I want. (Man laughs) Um, and no it's not a joke, but thanks sir. Tonight I really am allowed to say whatever I want and what I want to say is this. Between my time at "Saturday Night Live," "The Late Night Show," and my brief run here on "The Tonight Show," I've worked with NBC for over 20 years. Yes, we have our differences right now, yes we're going our separate ways, but this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we've done together. And I want to thank NBC for making it all possible. I really do. (Audience applauds) A lot of people have been asking me about my state of mind and I'll be honest with you, walking away from "The Tonight Show" is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Um, making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world. I absolutely love doing it and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. I will fight anybody who says I don't, but noone would. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian...every comedian dreams of hosting "The Tonight Show" and for seven months, I got to do it. And I did it my way with people I love. I do not regret one second of anything that we've done here. (Audience applause) And yeah. And I encounter people when I walk on the street now who are just uh who give me sort of a sad look. I have had more fortune than anybody I know. And if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven Parking lot we will find a way to make it fine. We really will. I have no problems. And, I don't want to do it on a 7-Eleven parking lot. (Audience laughs) But whatever, uh, finally I have something to say to our fans. This massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming for me. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy outrageous creativity on the Internet uh, the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain. (Audience cheers) It's pouring! It's been pouring for days and they're camping out to be in our audience. Really, you...Here's what all you have done. You've made a sad situation joyous and inspirational. So to all the people watching I can never ever thank you enough for the kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. And all I ask is one thing...and this is...I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch...please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. Amazing things will happen. (Audience claps) I'm telling you. It's just true."

- Conan O'Brien

Thanks to Kyra Kyles of Chicago Now for posting this transcript!!!!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Tonight is Conan's last night on NBC!

Tonight is the last night that Conan O'Brien will be the host on The Tonight Show. You probably know all the details:

- Jay Leno's 10pm show was a failure and Conan's rating could not get over-the-hump and beat Letterman

- NBC tells Conan to move to 12:05am so Leno could move to 11:35pm, meaning that Jimmy Fallon would move to 1:05am and Carson Daly would...well no one watches that shit anyways.

- Conan tells NBC to go FUCK themselves, so NBC uses a legal loophole to force Conan out

- Team CoCo is made in support of CoCo

- Leno acts like he is Mr. Innocent when he is really a conniving little fuck. Jimmy Kimmel goes on his show and TRASHES him. More A-list celebrities follow suit in support of Team CoCo

- Conan announces he is leaving and goes into negotiations to exit NBC

- NBC stalls negotiations by making sure that Conan cannot talk bad about the network while on the network and not host a late night talk show (like on FOX) until Sept 1, 2010

- Conan goes on his talk show and decides to sing a negative song about NBC ("Incompetent Morons") since legally he cannot SAY anything bad about them. Then he bashes Jay Leno because, again, he is a conniving fuck. The next night he bashes them again, but this time in Espanol.

- Conan (and his legal team) spends an enormous amount of time for negotiating one last demand: a huge severance pay for the rest of his staff.

- NBC agreed on paying this rather large severance on two conditions: 1) He never says or sings anything bad about them again while on NBC 2) This is his last "demand"

- It is announced that Conan will walk away with $33 million and $12 million gets paid out to his staff

- Conan keeps his promise by having special surprise guests on the show to bash NBC for him. And he spends NBC's budget money to buy extravagant things just to waste their money.

- Conan tells his audience that he is in "showbiz" and that we should concentrate on real tragedies in the world like Haiti. He will be "just fine" because he is getting a lot of money for doing nothing.

This last thing speaks a lot about Conan O'Brien. In the end, he lost his "dream job" he worked so hard to obtain and appreciated his fans' supports, but there are far worse things to worry about in the world. And the fact that his legal misery was dragged out for so long just so he could take care of his staff is incredible. Anytime your employer goes to bat for you, you should follow that man into any war because employers like that are extremely rare at nay level in any industry. I remember that when the writers' strike happened two-three years ago, O'Brien paid his staff out of his own pocket. Leno, who made far more money at the time, didn't pay his staff anything. I know that is not suprising at all.

I grew to like Conan because he is not your standard talk show, but because he was the Carson (Johnny not Daly) of my generation. I liked Letterman too, but Conan was younger and came off hipper...for about as him as someone who looks like Conan can be. There were many late nights drinking when I was in college where my friends and I would watch Conan while throwing some brews back and laughed our asses off. He was fucking funny! On the night's we stayed in, we would watch Letterman and then Conan.

When it was announced that Conan was going to take over for Leno five years ago, I did backflips because now I didn't have to stay up so late to watch Conan. It would be nice to have some laughs from Conan before hitting the sack. As time got closer, I was counting down the days. Then it seemed like forever until he made his debut in the summer. Andy Richter was back too and I was so happy. The original band got back together again!

Now this shit happens. I'm not worried for Conan, trust me, but I'm upset for ME! I thought my days of leaving Leno on as I waited for Conan to come on were over. Sometimes when I travel, watching Conan and then Jimmy Fallon would be a great way to end the day. I'm going to miss Conan! This sucks!

Basically, NBC f'd this up in so many ways and let me list my reasons why:

- First of all, what the hell kind of dirt does Leno have on these guys anyway? Does he have pics of them fucking donkeys and sheep? Does he give a great bj or something? He really is not funny at all and now he will lose the ratings war with Letterman and really hurt NBC more financially then they have been already. Why? See the next bullet...

- Conan supporters will NEVER, EVER watch that station during that time slot again. Do you think I was the only one that kept Leno's show on in the background while I was websurfing or something and waited for Conan to come on? Hell no. Jay is going to lose some serious numbers right there. There is no reason to leave that channel on at all now. If I want to see Fallon's show, I can DVR and watch it tomorrow. Too bad because Fallon's show was growing on me, being someone who was not a big fan to begin with.

- Conan supporters are going to flock to Letterman just to bury Leno. Especially since Letterman has totally supported Conan through this mess because it's like Deja Vu for him.

- Leno's PR has been ruined. He has tried too hard to defend himself on that 10pm waste of time he has had on for the last 4 months and rip NBC...and his rips at NBC are as a fake as Heidi Montag's new face.

- Leno started taking personal shots at Letterman's character for his recent infidelity issues. He is trying to start some war with Letterman in a pathetic attempt at gaining some viewership when he returns, but this is a major backfire. Letterman put his heart on his sleeve, fessed up to his wrongdoings on his show and was very genuine about it (unlike a certain pro golfer). Ironically, his honesty buried that scandal quickly and got more viewers to his show and away from Conan. Everyone forgave and now loves Letterman again, so Leno looks like a real dick taking personal shots at him. Letterman just kept his shots concentrated to Leno's professional life.

- NBC looks like a shit network in general right now. Their company looks like a freaking joke and Conan has increased this to the fullest. We are not hearing the real reasons why he got forced out, like how Leno wants his slot back because he failed at 10 and looks like a loser. In typical dickfuck Leno fashion, he will throw anyone under the bus that gets in his way. That happened with for Conan, Letterman, Carson and even Howard Stern. At least TMZ credits Howard for the "Guess the Jew" game they have been doing recently. And Leno stole "Stuttering" John Melendez...which also backfired on Leno. Not to mention that Jaywalking one of the oldest bits Howard has ever done...stopping lying all the time, Jay. It's not a good look.

So as a Conan fan, I am pissed that this went down. And I feel horrible that his poor staff uprooted their lives to move out west. I am glad that Conan went the extra mile to take care of them the best he could. And you know that Conan is going to end up somewhere else by September 2010 and guess who he's bringing along? Exactly.

Here's to hoping that Conan and his staff can take their game to somewhere else in 8-9 months and keep the late night market competitive. And here's hoping that big-chinned, unfunny piece if shit Leno and NBC get exactly what they deserve: zero ratings and another failure.

Adios Conan, Andy, Max, Year 3000, Masturbating Bear...

Winner Announced for ETMC's 2nd Official Giveaway

Sorry for the delay, peeps. Thank that annoying thorn-in-my-side called working extra hours for getting in the way of yesterday's announcement...

Congratulations to Emme Toaye of Gothic Soul Retreat / mystic2awesome for winning a $25 Best Buy gift card from ENTER THE MAN-CAVE!!!!!

I was going to borrow a blogger friend's idea and use my webcam to show me use the random generator to select the winner, but my job still has not sent one to me. So MAJOR FAIL there.

Thanks to EVERYONE who participated. I am going to do another one soon, so be on the lookout for that.

To the WINNER Emme: please e-mail your address to me at, so I can get this gift card out to to you.

TGIF: Pants on the Ground! Lookin' Lika Foo' with Ya Pants on the Ground!

Happy Friday!

I'm not an American Idol fanatic, but I thought this was hilarious and wanted to share. Just give him a few seconds to get going. Yeah I know it's old now, but it's still funny as fuck!

Now I can't get this damn song out of my head!

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Dexter Anthology Review: Season Four

This season is fairly new, so no major spoilers!

"Trinity is a husband... a father. He's... like me."

Season Four is like the reverse of the month of March. It goes in like lamb and out like a lion. Dex is the proud father of his new baby boy. Proud might not be the best word...tired is a better word. A much better word. And he has now fully located to suburbia in order to live with Rita and her children full-time, which is also really cramping his style.

At the start of season three, Dex was on top of the world but this season he starts in a major slump. Exhaustion prevents him from collecting his "trophies" and his usual type A personality starts to slack. He's messing up his blood splatter evidence in court, falling asleep at inconveinent times and losing bodies before he gets to his boat. Yeah that last one is a woozy! Rita finds out that Dex did not get rid of his apartment (because he needs to keep his trophies somewhere safe) which leads them to marriage counseling.

Things get even more crazy when Lundy shows back up in Miami to bring down the Trinity killer (John Lithgow). Trinity is a serial killer who kills people in stages of three and has been working his craft for several decades without capture or even being identified.Of course Dex sees this as his white whale he needs to harpoon, but he is spinning too many plates right now.

Unfortunately this season is still brand spanking new and I don't want to spoil it for anyone who has not seen it yet. There is a lot of activity and major events that happen this season, so this version of the Dexter Anthology is going to be cut short due to spoilers. The rest of this review will be an overview without giving any too much.

"Homemade coffins. It's what the kids are making nowadays."

Dex has to figure out what he wants to be: a serial killer or a family man. He wants to be both, but Harry tells him it is impossible to balance both. Dex strives for some normality in his bizarre world, but the only thing that matters is if he can do it or not.

I will go on to say that this season matches the greatness of the first and that rarely occurs. For those who loved the first but didn't feel two or three lived up to the original, they will be absolutely amazed by this season.

"Careful with that axe, Eugene. I mean Dexter."

What you read above was typed up on Friday evening. I say this because of the following: Not that I ever use awards shows to pass judgment on any film or program, but the performances of John Lithgow and Michael C. Hall just earned them Golden Globe awards for Best Supporting Actor and Best Lead Actor last Sunday. This might help to visualize just how good the acting is in season four and why should not miss it. And Hall pulled off this kind of performance fighting cancer to no one's knowledge? WOW!!

"Dude we are SO going to win Golden Globes in a few months."

The final thing to say here is ...when does season five get here?!

Publish Post

Bonus Bits is canceled due to avoiding all major spoilers. Again, I wish I could have written so much more, but to do that would be to ruin the season. And had I watched season four a week sooner, this would have been the winner of the ETMC "IT" award for best series.

Not that I think Michael C. Hall or his family frequents the Man-Cave, especially after the "Face-in-Hole" abortions I have been throwing up there, but I do wish him a full and speedy recovery. And congrats on your well deserved GG! Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting on this four part set. Now it's back to some more zaniness on ETMC.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Last day to Enter The Giveaway on Enter the Man-Cave!!

One last reminder to follow this link and comment on the post if you want to enter the giveaway for a $25 gift card to Best Buy. You have until 11:59:59 PM ET tomorrow (1-20-10) - that's 2:59:59 AM PT (1-20-10) if you are on the West Coast. U.S. residents only!!

Your odds are good since I only have like 10 contestants who have entered thus far.

Click here to enter:

or click on the $25 bill in the sidebar------------------->

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

HP Computers are Racist!

One of my old friends who used to work with me at The Golf Channel told me earlier this evening that our friend Desi Cryer made a Youtube video that went viral late last year. Somehow I missed this whole thing - FAIL!

Desi was always a funny mofo co-worker and used to make me laugh my ass off on a daily basis back in the day. So I am excited to post this video here on ETMC.

But he doesn't need my endorsement. Shit this was on CNN and apparently he was interviewed on there as well. Had I known that, I would have slipped him some payola to drop a plug for ETMC.

Anyways, watch this video because:

1) it's my bud

2) it's f'n high-larious!

And then ask yourself if HP computers really are racist. I'm sold on the fact!! Desi Cryer is not a liar...I'm a poet and didn't know it.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Dexter Anthology Review: Season Three


"I've lived in darkness a long time. Over the years my eyes adjusted until the dark became my world and I could see ."

Season three begins with things back to normal for Dexter, well as normal for someone like Dexter can be. With Doakes taking the fall for being the Bay Area Butcher and Lila 86'ed, Dex is able to go back to his favorite hobby.

The serial killer serenity he experiences doesn't last for too long when Dex accidentally kills the wrong person during a botched ritual attempt. To make things worse, the person Dexter did kill is the younger brother of Miami's Assistant D.A. Miguel Prado (played the awesome Jimmy Smits) - meaning that resolving this case is going to be a high priority. The police decide that Dex's original target, Freebo, is the one responsible for the younger Prado brother murder which complicates Dex's continued pursuit of him.

Dex finally tracks down and kills Freebo, but is caught in the act by Miguel. Instead of turning Dex in for murder, Miguel embraces Dex for killing his brother's supposed killer and winds up forming a bond with Dex. In fact, he does everything he can to force a friendship between them, like making Rita and his wife close friends as well. Too bad Freebo is not the killer Dex was looking for when in fact it was another murderer, nicknamed the Skinner. The Skinner is the mysterious main story arch killer that is pursued by the police force through the entire season once they figure out that Freebo is not the murderer they are looking for.

Meanwhile, Dex's personal life even gets more complicated as the season progresses. First, Rita's pregnancy with Dex leads them to marriage. Then Dex feels conflicted when he finds out that Harry committed suicide once he saw Dex evolved into a "monster", rather than via heart disease as he wa previously informed. He begins to question the "code" and all of the programming Harry has provided to him once he makes this discovery.

After Prado learns about Dex's killing sprees, Prado actually endorses and supports Dex's vigilante behavior. Harry killed himself once he saw what Dex actually was inside, but Prado actually accepts Dex for who he truly is. It is the first time Dex has experienced a real friendship while being his true self, which is something he never had the pleasure of enjoying before. The inner conflict between remaining loyal to Harry's code and having openness with someone he barely knows eventually leads Dex to strengthen his friendship with Prado to BFF territory. In fact, Dex asks him to be his best man at the wedding. Their friendship hits a major peak so quickly and that allows Dex to feel comfortable enough to teach Prado the code and bring him along for the rituals.

Things go bad once Prado expresses his need to kill off a political enemy, who is an innocent person. Dex warns Prado to not violate the code by taking the life an innocent soul, but Prado still blatantly goes off on his own to kill his enemy anyway. This act of betrayal by Prado signals that the honeymioon is over. Dex and Prado get into a heated pissing match that leads to Prado convincing the Skinner to kill Dexter. Of course once Dex gets backed into the corner with Prado's threats, he winds up at the receiving end of the ritual. Just when Dex thinks he is in the clear, Skinner kidnaps Dex. Dex but gets outsmarted (via Dex breaking his wrist), slaughtered and then fingered as the killer. Dex is in the clear and marries Rita. End season.

Bonus Bits:

- In my opinion, this is the weakest of the four seasons, but that is not to say that I disliked it. Hell no! It's like saying that the french fries are the favorite part of my McDonald's Value Meal and the soda is the least...but you better not touch my soda dammit because I like it and am going to drink the whole damn thing. Wow that was a fucking weird analogy. I don't even eat McDonald's.

- Jimmy Smits is a terrific actor, like him or not, and his presence kept me interested in what was a bit of a slower season than the previous two. Once again, the man is a chameleon in his roles.

- Geof Trivia: One time my friend and I named our fantasy football team "Jimmy Smits", but lost in the first round of the playoffs. The next year we renamed the team "Jimmy Smits with Lazers" and won the league that year.

- Why the hell did they need to darken Jimmy Smits so much in this season? What, did he not look hispanic enough or something? This picture of him here (below) on set doesn't look that bad, but it looks a lot worse when watching the actual show. They made him look like Juan Valdez with that funky 'stache for Coffee's Sake! So when I tell Jimmy to lighten up, I'm not talking about his dispostion. See for yourself...

No. That's not Jimmy. Keep going...

Dude! WTFunky 'Stache?

- It was nice to see Desmond Harrington come aboard in a big role as Joey Quinn, filling a void left by Erik King's (Doakes) departure. Always liked Des. See Love Object right now!

- Next up is the season that is equally as good as the first! And that is pretty much an impossible feat for a series in its fourth season to match the original. Stay Tuned...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Reminder for 2nd ETMC Giveaway: $25 gift card to Best Buy!

Who couldn't use $25 to buy cool stuff at Best Buy? All entries must be in by this Wednesday, 1/20.

Click here for more information to enter.

Friday, January 15, 2010

This Day in SPAM Mail FAIL 1/15/10


This is one I received from BMWAutomobile this morning...

Dear Email Owner,
This is to inform you that your email address has won the payment of
450,000GBP along with a 5series BMW car from this year promo draws of the BMW
GROUP.Send Below informations for claims:
Email: (omitted email address)
Tel: (omitted telephone number)
Barr.Steve Clarke
(Online Co-Ordinator)


My reply

Dear BMWAutomobile,

I apologize that my e-mail address contacted you without letting me know. My e-mail address has been warned by me before to let me know whenever he wants to enter any contests, especially since my e-mail address is only seven years old and clearly underage. I have punished him for such behavior and he won't be contacting you in the future.

But I must admit that I am certainly impressed with the technological advancements in today's age. I am simply amazed that BMW automobiles have progressed up the evolutionary chain to actually be able to send e-mails. And give away over half a million U.S. Dollars to boot!

I would love to take advantage of this offer, so let me send you my information:

Harry Limpdick
1234 Mockingbird Lane
Bumblefuck, USA
2034 Light Years Old

Look forward to getting my money and the BMW so I can retire and watch porn all day long uninterrupted.

GFY with a chainsaw,

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Amateur Hour: Slash (2002)

Jeepers Creepers, Where'd ya get them...oh nevermind

Slash is a film about a band who gets stranded on a secluded farm while attending a funeral of the main character's aunt. Soon they get stalked, or should I say slashed? And it is not as cool as it sounds. So I created a little cinematic recipe for this film:

1) Take Hard Rock Zombies, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare and Texas Chainsaw Massacre

2) Drain the zombies, get rid of Hitler and suck out camp

3) Dump any and all comedy

4) Add an attempt at straight horror

5) Bake for 101 minutes and serve, but then be ready to throw the dish back up.

Slash begins with an intriguing opening scene, but then falls faster than a prostitute's panties. First we meet the band
Slash (hence the title), whose music makes them sound like they should be called Infinite Sorrow instead. The band's name just does not match the alternative, mellow music they put out. Holy Moses' tunes in HRZ were harder than this stuff. A band with a name like Slash, should be hardcore and crazy. Not singing songs that echo Radiohead's Creep.

After meeting the lame protagonists we are stuck with for the film's duration, this film seems like it purposely tries to put you to sleep. We are "
treated" to a non-menacing killer who looks like he was dragged right out of Jeepers Creepers, especially the sequel due to the whole cornfield element. We are also given a very low body count with mere drops of blood for a film called Slash, off-screen kills, a predictable twist at the end, and a bad stereotype.

The bad stereotype, I just mentioned is the "angry back man" one. The film's
only black character Keith (Craig Kirkwood) gets all angry and starts waving his gun around once his spiffy sneakers get stolen. Everyone else has a pretty calm demeanor except for his character and he loses his shit when his sneakers get lifted. It is flat out ridiculous. What's also ridiculous is that the dude's teeth are more capped than a salary cap. More capped than Tiger Woods. More capped than Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary. They are that distractingly bad. And then he gets tagged with the "angry black" stereotype to make matters way worse.

I have already talked too much about this film. Slash looked like it was going to be some goofy fun, but wound up being the polar opposite instead. This film is played 100% straight and any supposed humor is strictly unintentional.

The Good:

- Steve Railsback (Helter Skelter) is the best thing about this movie

- The opening scene peaked my interest

- Keith's Baba Booey teeth

The Bad:

- It's all downhill after the opening scene

- The silliest name for an alt band

- The music from the alt band

- Low body count and no blood

- A lame villain

- The tension between certain members that drops in from out of the blue

- The horrible stereotype

The Verdict:

I give this film a "FAILCROW

Avoid. You've seen this type of film before and you've seen it done better. Sesame Street is scarier.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Man-Cave under Malware repair

F'n malware snuck in to my cpu somehow, uninstalled my virus protector so it could roma free and wound up disabling my computer. The only posts you will see over the next few days are scheduled posts I created over the weekend, but I can't/shouldn't really do a lot on my work laptop (where this post is coming from). Enjoy the next few scheduled posts over the rest of the working week and hopefully I can finish the Dexter Anthology when I am back up and running. And I catch up with all my fav blog posts I am missing.

A friend is supposed to help me repair my laptop tomorrow or Thursday if the malware damage is not too bad. Right now things look BLEAK!

So wish me luck because I could be out of a laptop...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Dexter Anthology Review: Season Two


"Tonight's...the night."

Season Two picks up about 38 days after the events of the final episode in season one. Deb Morgan (Jennifer Carpenter) is on sick leave to recover from her near-death experience with the Ice Truck Killer while Dexter (Michael C. Hall) cannot bring himself to perform any rituals due to the grief of killing his brother Matt/Rudy Cooper. To make matters worse for Dex, he is constantly being followed by Sgt. James Doakes (Erik King) based on Dex's hidden connection to the ITK case. To make matters even worse than that, Dex has to lie about being a drug user to his girlfriend Rita (Julie Benz) in order to escape being caught in a lie that sent her abusive ex-husband Paul back to jail last season. And the icing on the cake? Dexter's secret stash of his multiple victims are discovered at the bottom of the Atlantic by divers on sunken ship exploration. Basically, Dex starts off the season in a major hole and one that he cannot see himself escaping.

His victims' discovery creates the major angle for the rest of the season as the search begins for the Bay Harbor Butcher (Dexter), who is hyped as a bigger serial killer than the Ice Truck Killer (Matt/Rudy). The scope of the investigation is so big in fact that the F.B.I. are brought in to head the case, led by Special Agent Lundy (played by genre vet Keith Carradine). Paranoia begins to set in for our protagonist as all potential case momentum leads things closer and closer to revealing him as The Bay Harbor Butcher.

In the meantime, Dex attends rehab in an effort to cover up his lie about Paul's wrongful arrest and meets a hottie sponsor named Lila (Jamie Murray). Lila manipulates Dex into a sultry relationship thus axing his current one with Rita. We soon learn that Rita is a crazy, obsessive chick with a penchant for fire once Dex realizes that his heart belongs to Rita and tries to win her back.

As season two gets moving into full gear, Lundy and Deb get romantically involved (she has serious daddy issues), Dex tricks Doakes into getting suspended from the force, Dex and Rita's relationship goes on the mend, crazy Lila does everything in her power to get Dex back, and Dex locates his mother's killer. As you can see, there are a lot of moving parts this time around making for a chaotic season to enjoy.

Dex has to jump through hoop after hoop in order to dodge every obstacle in his way. And it's funny how all of these moving parts are able to align by the last couple episodes and get Dex out of a seemingly inescapable predicament. It is a shame that someone as genuinely as good of a person deep down inside like Doakes had to be killed off the show. He was a real hard ass, don't get me wrong, but he was always trying to do what was best according to his own 'legal" code. Guess his death might be viewed as comeuppance due to his killing of innocent people in the past even if they were in the name of the law. At least he went down swinging and that was a great final tribute to his character.

Season 2 was close to being as good as its predecessor due to a well-developed story that moved at a perfect pace. There just seemed like no plausible way that Dexter was going to escape being fingered as the Butcher with too many things snowballing against him since the first episode. It seemed that Dexter was perfect and untouchable in the first season, so it was interesting to see what would happen when things didn't go exactly as planned. Every episode contained several instances where it seemed that the jig was up for Dex but somehow he was able to deflect the attention somewhere else.

What really separates the first two seasons is the emergence of Dexter's humanity. In the first season, his voice-overs explained to the audience that he felt no compassion or care for anyone except for maybe Deb and that Rita was only a cover for him to blend in. She was a damaged person that he could easily keep his distance from since she had intimacy issues. This season, his genuine love for Rita and the kids become evident in his attempt to win her back after his fling with Lila. That really humanized his character and I think the creators needed to do that. His character needs to continues to evolve somewhat over time or he is going to be as repetitive and predictable of a character like Monk in that USA series.

ETMC Score:
out of 5

Bonus Bits:

- It's too bad that Doakes had to bite the bullet, because he was a great character that kept Dex on his toes. Then you got to see a softer side of him but only right before Lila blew up the cabin. Of course his exit leads to Desmond Harrington (who pwns) coming aboard in his place, so that's a positive.

- Season 2 keeps the series on a high, but things take a bit of dip in season 3. More on that next time...