The Taint review (2010): WTF-Lovable

 
I have been staring at my laptop for about 20 minutes wondering just how to start this review. Sure I received warnings about how messed up The Taint actually is, but I had no idea what I was really in for until about a minute into watching it.

And all I can say to filmmaker Drew Bolduc is thank you - thank you very, very much for sending me a screener to review. Everyone knows I like things that are different and Bolduc gave me more different than I will probably get to see for a long time. But let's talk about the plot first before I get ahead of myself as usual. 
 
Through the extremely creative use of old stock footage in the opening credits sequence, the audience learns that the local water supply has been tainted by some strange chemical, turning the male population into murderous misogynists. So to clear things up from the get-go, the film is not about that, umm, "taint", but you do get to see a large deal of full frontal nudity. In fact, a long duck dong is seen dangling from the first raving psycho as our hero Phil O'Ginny, played by Bolduc, runs from him in the first scene. And I allowed that after I waded into The Taint's zany waters with a Mammo-Montage.

Obviously stoned out of his gourd and sporting the raddest white-framed shades this side of the U.S., Phil meets ass-kicking male-basher Misandra (Colleen Walsh) who team up to survive this new post-apocalyptic world where the tainting has caused the men to want to bash women rather than bang them even though the misogynists run around with their peckers out at all times. That's an interesting twist, no?

Other characters Phil and Misandra encounter on their journey include Phil's ex-high school gym coach Houdini and Ludas, who knows the true origin of the insanity-inducing chemical. Houdini's scenes provide hilarity such as an overly sweaty ode to 80's action training montage and flashbacks within a flashback (yup!). On the other hand, Ludas pimps out an outfit that I most desperately need to wear at next year's Halloween bash. Check out Ludas' getup:

 
More notable moments from the film:

- Consecutive vomit splurges by one character in one scene
- Defecation dropping out of the "backdoor" of a farmer's overalls
- Faces being ripped off and duct taped back on
- A head being crushed by a closing car door
- A hedge trimmer cutting a head in half
- A cock explosion montage
- The most depressing cartoon ever
- Impaling via cock

Sounds like fun for the whole family, especially around the holidays? It was one whacked out ride that I had fun taking, but I cannot safely recommend this film for everyone. Gorehounds, Troma lovers, fans of alternative cinema, and those adventurous enough to see a new cult classic unfold before their very eyes. If you watch this film, let your inhibitions go and enjoy the madness!

From beginning to end, I felt like I was watching a new age Troma production or should I say old school Troma done in an updated fashion. And not as a knockoff either. It was more like taking a sip out of the same glorious serving bowl containing the Troma-flavored kool-aid. The characters are crazy, the story is funky and the effects are demented. High marks all across the board that score even higher for the film's originality.

This is probably the most no holds barred review with extremely adult-laced content ever mentioned here on The Man-Cave believe it or not. So again, if you happen to get your hands on a copy and you are turned off by excessive nudity and gore...skip it. To the rest of the world, get ready for 70 minutes of some of the craziest shite you'll ever lay your eyes on...The Taint!

Here is the link to the official The Taint website (NSFW)

Finally, the opening video for Bolson Media Alliance was bad-to-the-ass. Even though it really has no tie-in to the film whatsoever, this was trippy as hell and I wanted to make note of that here.