Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Jeepers Creepers, Where'd ya get them...oh nevermind
Slash is a film about a band who gets stranded on a secluded farm while attending a funeral of the main character's aunt. Soon they get stalked, or should I say slashed? And it is not as cool as it sounds. So I created a little cinematic recipe for this film:
1) Take Hard Rock Zombies, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare and Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2) Drain the zombies, get rid of Hitler and suck out camp
3) Dump any and all comedy
4) Add an attempt at straight horror
5) Bake for 101 minutes and serve, but then be ready to throw the dish back up.
Slash begins with an intriguing opening scene, but then falls faster than a prostitute's panties. First we meet the band Slash (hence the title), whose music makes them sound like they should be called Infinite Sorrow instead. The band's name just does not match the alternative, mellow music they put out. Holy Moses' tunes in HRZ were harder than this stuff. A band with a name like Slash, should be hardcore and crazy. Not singing songs that echo Radiohead's Creep.
After meeting the lame protagonists we are stuck with for the film's duration, this film seems like it purposely tries to put you to sleep. We are "treated" to a non-menacing killer who looks like he was dragged right out of Jeepers Creepers, especially the sequel due to the whole cornfield element. We are also given a very low body count with mere drops of blood for a film called Slash, off-screen kills, a predictable twist at the end, and a bad stereotype.
The bad stereotype, I just mentioned is the "angry back man" one. The film's only black character Keith (Craig Kirkwood) gets all angry and starts waving his gun around once his spiffy sneakers get stolen. Everyone else has a pretty calm demeanor except for his character and he loses his shit when his sneakers get lifted. It is flat out ridiculous. What's also ridiculous is that the dude's teeth are more capped than a salary cap. More capped than Tiger Woods. More capped than Matt Dillon in There's Something About Mary. They are that distractingly bad. And then he gets tagged with the "angry black" stereotype to make matters way worse.
I have already talked too much about this film. Slash looked like it was going to be some goofy fun, but wound up being the polar opposite instead. This film is played 100% straight and any supposed humor is strictly unintentional.
- Steve Railsback (Helter Skelter) is the best thing about this movie
- The opening scene peaked my interest
- Keith's Baba Booey teeth
- It's all downhill after the opening scene
- The silliest name for an alt band
- The music from the alt band
- Low body count and no blood
- A lame villain
- The tension between certain members that drops in from out of the blue
- The horrible stereotype
I give this film a "FAILCROW"
Avoid. You've seen this type of film before and you've seen it done better. Sesame Street is scarier.