Sunday, May 31, 2009

Random Funny Jaws pics to start the summer...


Separated at birth?




Jaws is such a pu$$y!




LOL!!!




First, Mega Shark vs. Mega Octopus; Next, Mega Shark vs. Mega Gator...which will hopefully be a more exciting fight than this!



And finally...



...Awesome...

My dumb a$$ forgot to post the link in the last post

http://tinyurl.com/mpv8xu


It 's updated in the original post now, but this is for those who have already visited and was like, "Where's the link, jacka$$?!"

Random link Sunday: "Cool" Wolf Shirt on Amazon

I know this might be like a week old and all, but if you haven't heard about the wolf t-shirt on Amazon with the smart ass reviews, you need to check out the link below. Someone e-mailed this link to me when I was at work on Thursday and I was like, "What the hell?" At first, I thought it was a fake site page, but when I read the reviews and realized that I that this it was a link to the real Amazon site, I excused myself from the office to go outside and lose my s***. I was in tears.

http://tinyurl.com/mpv8xu

The second one from Raleigh, NC is my favorite, although they are all hilarious.

Oh and don't forget to look at the pics in the gallery on the site...



A real Bastard-o comes to the Phillies

Due to Brett Myers being placed on the DL for season-ending surgery, the Phillies have answered my prayers and have called up LHP Antonio Bastardo to start in his place on Tuesday. No, I don't have a crush on the guy or anything but I am a silly monkey and I think his name is hilarious. If this guy has more than a cup of coffee in the majors, I am buying his jersey. Heck, I might buy it anyway.

I mean imagine the headlines this could generate:

After pitching a complete game: "What a Complete Bastard!"

If we remains in the rotation: "Phils Have a Real Bastard in the Rotation!"

Hey if you guys can think of any punny headlines, please include them here...


"The Face of a Bastard!"

If his arm is any good, Philly is going to LOVE this guy!"

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Weekend!

Weekend Review (thus far):

FRIDAY:

The BAD...

- Possibly need surgery to repair a damaged tooth/nerve from playing sports back in the day. I needed a root canal on it before and now the effects has resurfaced. It is a something deep within my gum that was damaged by some impact. Sadly, my Sonicare toothbrush cannot fix this, but maybe if my tooth is broken I will get a bionic tooth! My smile is gold still though.

- Brett Myers is out for the season due to needed hip surgery, hurting the Phillies' rotation and their playoff chances...and my chances to sell my playoff tickets for boo-koo bucks!

The GOOD...

- Saw a good movie that made me feel better (see below post)

- Beat Gears of War 2 - take that Locusts!!!


SATURDAY:

The BAD...

- Didn't drag my ass to the pool to work on my man-tan because...

The GOOD...

- ...I fixed my grill which has been on the DL since last weekend. With some help on the internet, I was able to fix it without incurring the cost of hiring a repairman. Upon my grill lighting, I screamed out loud, "I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!"

- I am heading to Citizen Bank Park tonight to see Cole Hamels pitch against the "NATINALS" (lol), so I am hoping for a win.

Let the Right One In (2008)

I rented Let the Right One In (2008) the other night and took the time to watch it last evening. I have heard so much hype on this one and for some reason, it just did not seem that interesting to me. Because I heard so much hype about this film, I decided to rent it and get it over with. Then I can read other blogger/message board reviews without getting spoilers.


courtesy - magpictures.com

As I selected the Play Movie option on the DVD, some quick thoughts ran into my mind: 1) Why am I watching this? I am not in the mood to watch any movie right now. 2) This just looks like foreign, pretentious crap which is only going to make me mad and blog angrily about it. 3) Richard Christie (from the Howard Stern Show) really hyped this one to the moon last summer, being a HUGE horror fan and all, so he is going to lose his balls with me if this sucks.

By the time the credits rolled, I really liked this movie. That tells you something if I am in no mood to watch a film to begin with let alone feel turned off by its content before I even watch a single frame yet after 115 minutes, my opinion changes completely - this is a well done film. (Ed Note - I was not turned off by the fact that it was foreign. I watch a lot of these horror film imports before Hollywood gets the "greenlight" to remake them: Ringu, REC, etc.)

No spoilers below...

Oskar (Kare Hedebrant) plays a bullied 12-year old boy of a divorced family who lives in an apartment complex in Sweden. He pretty much has a very boring, troubled life until he meets Eli (Lina Leandersson), who just moved in with a man believed to be her father. Eli only comes out at night, is pale and gets sick when she eats normal everyday food...so obviously she is a vampire. But you would figure that out within the first ten minutes or so into the film - it is no secret at all.


No this is not Wampa Cave scene from Empire Strikes Back - courtesy of horrorphile.net

Just to show you how slow I was on the uptake last night - there is a scene where Eli and Oskar are starting to bond. Oskar is playing with a Rubik's Cube and gives it to Eli as a gift. I was like, "Nice move dude. You should really impress her and show her your Atari 2600 so she can see what real technological advancements we have made in entertainment as a society." Later on, I read some message board comments on IMDB where I learned that this film does not take place in modern times. Whoops guess I missed that. I just figured that Oskar was poor and a little strange, so he was simply pimpin' his Cube. The a$$hat message board posters from Sweden were pissing on the Americans as to say, "Duh. Obviously you can tell the time period by the clothes they were wearing." Whatever d'bags. Sorry I am not one of those people who are like, "Oh-No! What are they wearing? Please somebody call the Fashion Police!!!" That's not what I do.


"This is what's called a Rubik's Cube. Next I will take you to the mall and let you participate in the next latest craze - The Pepsi Challenge!" - pic courtesy of iwatchstuff.com

Anyone that reads my blog and gets my humor knows that I love when unintentionally funny sh*t happens in films and that is why LTROI gets some bonus points from me. Without giving anything away, there are two scenes that were filmed to be horrific yet had me in f***ing tears - one deals with cats and the other deals with fire in a hospital. Not meant to be funny, but it was filmed corny as hell...and I loved it.

That is all you're getting from me on this one. I definitely recommend this to people who like horror and are not automatically turned off by foreign films. It is not very fast paced because it is not that type of film. While there is some violence, it is not all-out blood and guts horror, so don't go into this one expecting that.

I have read reviews that have this one listed as "the greatest vampire film of all-time" etc and so forth. It was a good movie and I liked it, but avoid the hype because it is not the greatest vampire film ever made. That is a subjective comment - like for me, Near Dark is my favorite vamp movie hands down.

Again, I recommend it, you should see it and go in without the over-hyped expectations. Last note - I was lucky enough to read beforehand that the subtitles were "dumbed down" (I checked and they were), so I recommend the English-dubbed version (which I hardly ever do). Makes a big difference in the dialogue.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Amateur Hour Episode 2: Rock N Roll Nightmare (1987)

Wow. Two reviews and two horror(ish) films tied to rock and roll. Well there were quite a bit of these going around in the 80's, but this was just a little different. Somehow, Rock N Roll Nightmare did not find it's way off the video store shelf and into my VCR throughout the 80s and 90s. Much like Hard Rock Zombies, I did not spend the time or money to check this one out until the millenium - 2006 to be exact.

One day I was at Suncoast video with some money to burn and I just could not find anything I really wanted that I did not have already. So I look at the new releases - low and behold, Rock N Roll Nightmare had just been released on DVD. I clearly remember seeing this one in the video store so many times without picking it up for so many reasons, but not today. Today I was getting the special edition DVD expecting a major cheesefest. Oh I was SO not disappointed! Best $25 I spent in '06.

The star of this film is Jon Mikl Thor and if you are not aware of who he is...shame on you!!! Just kidding. Thor is the self-proclaimed "heavy-metal body-builder horror/comic-hero male-dancer". Back in the day, he rocked out, he acted, he sang, he worked out and was all buff and stuff - he did everything. He was like Canada's 80's version of Bo Jackson of entertainment, more bootleg but with a stronger hip. So in the mid-80's, how did Thor attempt to top all he had done in the past? Simple - starring, producing and writing in a rock and roll horror film called Rock N Roll Nightmare. This way the soundtrack consists of only his music during critical scenes and give himself a majority of the lines. I guess this also makes him like Whitney Houston in that movie The Bodyguard.

Now on to the film. After an opening scene at a farm house where a family is slaughtered by an oven demon (yes I said oven demon), the film shifts gears to ten years later where Thor, his band the Tritons and some chickies are heading to the same farmhouse to get inspiration to record their new album.

The first part of this film plays out just like a typical teen slasher flick. Each one of the band members gets picked off one by one whether it is through possession or being slaughtered. Yes, supernatural forces are at work here and the creatures who kill off the Tritonz include a werewolf kid, a pair of rubber monster gloves that pull people off camera and cyclops hand puppets. Yup, one-eyed monsters. And to make matters worse, Thor gives us all a blatant, gratuitous shower scene that destroyed 10% of vision in my right eye. Gross!!!

Finally at the end, all that is left is Thor and his girlfriend. She starts acting weird and her voice begins to reverberate. All of a sudden in a quick and terrible "dissolve" special effect, his girl transforms into Beelzebub (Satan or the Devil for those of you who are slow on the uptake) appears and tells that Thor that he will kill him like he did all of band mates and friends. Thor acts unfazed and tells "Bub" that he is not scared of him in a very cocky yet confident way. Why?

Because Rock N Roll Nightmare and the cheese that that we have been watching pulls a rabbit out of the hat and brings a HUGE plot device twist out of nowhere. This might be a bigger twist in film history than Bruce Willis being a ghost, Darth Vader being Luke's father or that Angela is in fact a "boy". Thor tells "Bub" that he he has killed no one. All of the people that he went after were just projected thoughts in his head of characters from horror movies...You know something? I will not do this scene justice. Take a look at the video below and please watch at least five minutes of it. I bet you will be laughing so hard you will piss your pants. This is must-see stuff. Beware of heavy cheese...

video


Did you really just watch at least five minutes of that? If you didn't, I implore you to watch this scene. You will not regret it!!!!!!


Okay, was I right? How wonderfully awful that was? What began as a lame ass and boring paint-by-numbers horror film, became a wonderful stand-out film about an hour in!! Although the silver cod piece was a bit much bit. Thor loves to show off his body alright, but hey...he's an archangel! He'll do what he damn well pleases!


I don't care what is said - Thor, the director and everyone else who had anything to do with this film totally played it straight. I have heard rants from certain reviews claiming that it was a purposely made horror-comedy, which is crap! This was not meant to be comical and was made to be very serious. Unlike a film such as Hard Rock Zombies, you can tell that they were looking for scares and playing it straight as an arrow - which makes it ten times more hilarious.

"Accept the challenge" and see this movie! This one would have gotten an Epic Fail if it had not been for that twist ending. So I rate this one as Must See Cheese.

You know it's funny that immediately after watching this movie, I found out that there was a sequel recently made (at the time), called Intercessor: Another Rock n Roll Nightmare. So I immediately bought it. But we will talk about that another time...

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Jaws vs. Mr. T





WINNER: MR. T!!!! HE PITIED THE SHARK!!!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Tweet! or is it Tweat?

I finally broke down and decided to join Twitter, so if anyone wants to follow my exploits - my user name is gcap2719. Feel free to leave your Twitter name in the comments section and then I can follow you as well, if you'd like. You can also hit me up on Facebook under the name Geofree Capodanno.

Let me leave you all with this recent EPIC FAILURE...


video

Amateur Hour: Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

You know I created this blog a week ago and was all ready to review my first film the very next day. That is when the writer’s block began to kick in. The dilemma - what film would be so cheesy and worthy enough to kick off Amateur Hour? I thought to myself, “Do I kick it off with something like Toxic Avenger or is that too easy? Is that too cliché? Do I pick something I like or something that I want to trash? I just finished watching Quantum of Solace and I was so infuriated by that Bond outing that I was even considering putting that in the leadoff spot. This dilemma haunted me for days because I have seen so many bad movies. Then I looked over my DVD collection and finally realized that the movie in question has been sitting in front of my face the whole time. As I approached the film in question, I thought that this and no other movie should be captain to my blog’s maiden voyage. As I picked up and looked at the film in question, I knew that this film and only this film could be so worthy to be the leadoff hitter for Amateur Hour. The film in question is…HARD ROCK ZOMBIES! The box just screams cheese!



Allow me to provide a little personal back story to how I first came into possession of Hard Rock Zombies (HRZ). Back in 2000, I was looking to get a VCR on the cheap, so I went to my local trade shops to bargain for a great deal. After 15 minutes of fighting for a price. The guy wound up throwing in a bunch of old NES games and told me to grab 5 videos from his bin…of the 10 or so to choose from. These videos included: Martin (Romero), Star Trek 2: Wrath of Kahn, Menno’s Mind (Bruce Campbell drek), Document of the Dead, and at the very bottom – HRZ. I took the entire booty home, hooked up my brand new used VCR and randomly selected HRZ to watch first out of curiosity.


Let me deliver this disclaimer: HRZ is not meant to be a “scary” and serious horror film, it’s not meant to be a full on-comedy but you can tell that the director/writer is making a goofy film for fun. This should be classified as a horror/comedy. But it is a horribly made film…and I LOVE it! There, I said it and now you all know it. So let’s get to the review and beware of spoilers…


So the film begins with a POV shot inside of a moving car, then the credits hit: Hard Rock Zombies and the title card just screams cheese. Then the camera switches to show us that inside of this moving car are two very 80’s looking guys who pick up a hitchhiker, who is a very ‘80’s looking chick. Perfect match. Eventually, they get out of the car and go swimming in a pond…while a trio of creepy ass people in tuxedos is taking pictures of them. The girl grabs one of the 80’s dudes by the head and pushes him under water. In the midst of his struggling, blood starts to form in the water, like after a shark attack. I did not know that drowning did that to you. And what is up with this guy? Is he completely as “toolish” as he dresses? What he could not overpower a waif and let her drown him? Anyway, then the other guy who is like three feet away from them just moseys on over and gets the same treatment. I mean, did he just not see his friend perish? I mean he had to, right? I mean he was right there! How could he not? Then, she cuts off one of their hands. Ok. So I am wondering at this point: is there an alligator in this pond/lake? Are the “hard rock” zombies of this film underwater zombies and when the title states “hard rock” zombies, do they mean “hard rock” like sedimentary rock or the music genre called rock? And who are these random characters taking pictures of this massacre?


Next, we cut to a band called “Holy Moses” performing some really lame ass 80’s rock at a dive bar. They show them playing an entire song in attempt to execute character development, I think. Or maybe to get the viewers on their feet and to shout out in song: “Shake-shake. Shake it up, baby! Shake-shake. Shake it up, baby!” Right. Backstage after the “show”, we learn that they are an up and coming band doing the local circuit in hopes of making it big one day. Their manager Ron (Ted Wells), who strangely looks like Bruce McCullough from Kids in the Hall (“These are the Daves I know, I know, I know. These are the Daves I know”), delivers some exposition about their next gig in a little town called Grand Guignol (cute) and how a big-time producer is going to be in that town to scout and hopefully sign them. It is then that the band leader, Jesse (E.J. Curcio) is visited by a young girl named Cassie from Grand Guignol who warns him to stay away from the town. I feel that this conversation sets the stage for a romance to bloom between these two, but the problem is that she looks like she is a freshman in high school. In fact, I would be inclined to wager that she really is a freshman in high school and he looks like he is pushing 30. But I guess rock ‘n’ roll and love knows no bounds, right Jerry Lee Lewis? But the band ignores her and heads to their next gig.


Along the way to Grand Guignol, Jessie plays a recording of an old ceremonial song (or something like that) which he wants to sample in a song. Ron kills a mosquito that bites him, then Jessie plays the recording and the mosquito comes back to life. Rinse and repeat a few times. We learn that there is a connection between the music and resurrection of the mosquito…ahhh Foreshadowing!!!


Then the boys pick up the blond 80’s hitchhiker from the beginning and she invites the boys to crash at her parents’ house which they gladly accept. It’s obvious that this family is up to no good from the get go. Led by a man who looks like Scotty from the older Star Trek movies (RIP James Doohan), the family includes his wheelchair bound wife who is also a switchblade-wielding werewolf (no I’m not kidding), some weird ass looking bald guy and the creepy dudes taking pictures of the underwater massacre from the beginning of the film – two of them are little people: one is played by Phil Fondacaro (who has a very extensive resume and an extremely recognizable actor!) and the other is played by some dude with a mutant mask on. The whole time I was thinking – wtf is with that guy? What is that?


see what I mean? wtf is that???


So after a day of hitting the town to promote their concert (in a scene that earns top five of all-time cheesiest scenes ever), the law puts the band behind bars in an attempt to stop the “loud rock-n-roll show” only to be rescued by Cassie. Don't believe that this is a top five most cheesiest scene ever? See for yourself...


videovideo

courtesy - Vestron Video


What follows next is a bit of dialogue between Jessie and Cassie that puts the screenwriting skills of Francis Ford Coppola to shame. Allow me to detail:

Jessie: You’re neat.

Cassie: No. I am not.

Jessie: Yeah you are.

Cassie: Nuh-uh (while shaking her head ‘no’)

Jessie: Yeah…you are.


Awesome! (Ed Note: I have tried the “You’re Neat” pickup line on several occasions to no avail, so I don’t recommend it. Maybe it only works on children. In that case, you are on your own!) What follows is a really funny town hall scene where the town votes on whether the show should be banned or not. The audio quality is very low and hard to hear so you might have to strain a bit. If you can get over that, there is a funny and quirky scene to behold.


After a failed attempt by the family to electrocute the band, they decide go on a full-scale assault and wipe the band members out one-by-one. But not before Jessie is able to record a tape of his resurrection music via bass riff – banging very loudly once more on the foreshadowing drum. The old lady “wolfs out” and takes care of two members, the other dies in an homage (and a poor one at that) of Psycho by the blonde hand-cutting chick and our hero Jessie meets his demise by the bald, weird-looking dude by nailing his hands to two trees, ala crucifixion, and takes a saw to him. Finally, the old man of the house reveals to manager Ron that he is…wait for it…wait for it…Adolf Hitler. Yes, that Adolf Hitler (no I’m not kidding). He spares Ron’s life so that Ron can help him build his new army. It was at this point that I almost pissed myself laughing. I did not expect that…or that the old werewolf lady is Eva Braun.


And so Holy Moses is adios. It is a good thing that Jessie gave Cassie that tape of his resurrection riff before he bit the bullet. Right?


Cassie weeps at the bands graves and plays the resurrection riff. This triggers off…FINALLY THE RISE OF THE HARD ROCK ZOMBIES, at around 40 minutes into the film. Now I’m sure you are wondering: “Are they Romero zombies? Are they slow zombies? Are they running zombies?” Well if you picked any one of these three options, you could not be further off base. I can best describe the Hard Rock Zombies as a bizarro Kiss Tribute Band who does “The Robot” as they walk. One of them even looks like he stole Barry Gibb’s jacket from the Sgt. Pepper Lonely Hearts Club Band film (Ed Note – SPLHCB is destined for Amateur Hour).


Listen – this review has gotten a little long in the tooth and I think I gave away a fair amount of spoilers. So I should stop here. There are a lot of cheesy, but hilarious, moments that happen until the credits roll. If you have made it this far into the review, it is best to find this one and check it out. Trust me, this stuff is a lot better to see in person than I have described it.


I rate this one as Must See Cheese for any b-movie fans out there.


Ratings System:

- Must See Cheese
- (Awesome)


- Check It Out
- (Cool)


- Epic Fail
- (Utter Drek)

Amateur Hour = Epic Fail!!!




(
Taps plays) R.I.P. Amateur Hour 2009-2009

"That ain't right. He was just a little boy." - Cartman imitating Sling Blade on South Park

My hopes for a spin-off blog to discuss b-movies has died a quick, painless death. Due to countless issues of failure which caused neglect to the Man Cave, the site of Amateur Hour is toast, but it will remain a feature in ETMC moving forward.




But on the bright side - ETMC will post its initial Amateur Hour posting this evening!! Be on the lookout for b-movie cheese reviews.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Update

Yeah I have been out of commission lately with late hours and the holiday weekend, but I have also been working on my new blog "Amateur Hour". I just finished my first post today and it would be cool if you all check it out. Basically, I am going to review every b-movie that I have watched or will watch in a bit of a comedic fashion. It's not for everybody but if you want to read about some crappy movies, it just might be up your alley.

By no means is Enter The Man Cave dead and I will be catching up on your all your posts too! I just need an outlet for my "lesser film" reviews.

BTW - Big shout out to J Astro's blog makeover. Everything from Goldust to Sleepaway Camp to Thor as the Intercessor! Well done, my friend!!!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Indian Superman - Bollywood at its Bestl

I have no words to describe this and it is rare for me to be at a loss of words. Enjoy...I guess...


video

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The new Star Trek boldly goes where non-Star Trek fans have never gone before...to a theater to watch Star Trek!!

Just got back from a Saturday night screening of the Star Trek reboot and it was as cool as it was advertised. I usually keep my reviews (the few that I have so far) spoiler-free, but some minor spoilers are bound to pop up in this review, but I promise not to ruin anything THAT important.

I have been avoiding all trailers, reviews and any other form of reporting on this one as not to spoil anything. Well I saw the trailer in the theater a few months ago, but I left it at that.

Recently, director JJ Abrams stated that the Star Trek film franchise always promised more action and adventure than it delivered. AMEN, brother! Wrath of Khan was a great film on its own, but the rest of the series (with maybe the exception of the Voyage Home)was made for the Trekkie nation...and rightfully so. But when I heard that JJ really never liked Star Trek in its current form and was going to make it more action-oriented, I was totally on-board - and it definitely didn't disappoint. (Ed. Note: Wow - I just put down three "D" words in a row.)


Khan was the bomb, yo!

The film opens with a Federation Starship that gets destroyed by a massive vessel manned by some renegade Romulans, led by a creature named Nero (Eric Bana). Thanks to George Kirk's unselfish sacrifice, a majority of his vessel's inhabitants, including his wife and newborn James T. Kirk, are able to escape and survive.

Fast forward to some years later, Kirk (Chris Pine) is all grown up and a bit of a rebel, but manages to get into Starfleet Academy where he begins meeting the people who will eventually become his main crew members. On the other end of the spectrum ,Romulan Bana is really mad at Spock and wants revenge for something (the audience does not learn until later on in the film) and uses the planet Vulcan to bait the brand new U.S.S. Enterprise during its maiden voyage. But Spock (Zachary Quinto) is just a young commander who has never seen any real action yet, so what is going on?

What follows is a lot of action, some comedy and an overall fun film. The cast is particularly great:


Our new U.S.S. Enterprise crew members minus Spock

- Chris Pine (Kirk), who makes the role of this new Kirk his own, proves that karma exists. Once he was in a terrible Lindsay Lohan vehicle called Just My Luck (Jewels made me see it with her...honestly)and he easily acted circles around her. Not that it is hard to do, but he still pulled it off. So from a crap film and potential career-killer to the lead in the potentially next big film franchise - kudos, dude!

- Zachary Quinto is fantastic as Spock! Maybe I am biased because I love this guy on the show Heroes, where he plays Sylar who is such a bad ass. It is good to see him flex his acting range in this film and showing off some more of his talents.

- Zoe Saldana - She is hot. Nuff said.


Uhura has never been hotter. Sorry Nichelle...

- Karl Urban is simply awesome as Bones/McCoy. Seriously, great casting! He easily had a majority of the laughs throughout this film.

- When I talk about laughs, let me make sure to mention Simon Pegg as Scotty. He is not in it very long, but I think this guy is great too. Sure many know him from Shaun of the Dead and Hot Stuff, but please check out the older BBC sitcom Spaced to see him at his very best. I started laughing out loud as soon as he appeared on screen! Pegg is awesome!


Pegg, baby!

- Bruce Greenwood, a very underrated actor, is in this as well and does a fine job. You always know what to expect with veteran Greenwood, who has come a long way from Malibu Bikini Shop.

- And the rest of the cast, including Leonard Nimoy, all chip with great performances.

Yes, Leonard Nimoy plays Spock. This is one spoiler that I could not escape hearing about in the media time and time again. So Nimoy and Quinto both play Spock and the story uses them to tie the old series and updated series together in an attempt to appease the hardcore Trekkie and the mainstream. Nice work, guys!

Again, I loved this flick and can't wait for the DVD. Sure there were some parts that were throwback jokes to the original, but they were done with a great deal of comedy.

But come on, do you think you were going to leave the Man Cave without some side comments of silliness from yours truly? More highlights:

- I had way too much Diet Dr. Pepper as usual, so I was in a goofy mood before the movie started. At one point, I heard someone a few rows ahead of me drop change. For some reason, I yelled out, 'Oooh! Oooh! Money! Money! Money!" The person started panicking and scrambled to reach down and grab all of his change before someone (namely me)grabbed it.

- The row in front of me was the Brady Bunch. What I mean is that there were 10 people in this row and they were all a part of the same family. Also, they all had the bladders the size if a nickel. No exaggeration - These bastards must have gotten up at least 12 times between the lot of them going in and out of the row, obstructing my view.

- I groaned when everyone started clapping when the film first showed the Enterprise. Then Nimoy got a standing ovation when his name appeared in the credits. It all seemed very "Look at me! I am a Star Trek nerd. Look at me!" I hate when people do that. I mean I don't stand up and applaud Bruce Campbell every time he appears on Burn Notice.

- At least during the end credits of Wolverine (which I saw last week), a couple of kids starting doing lyrical dances and then started doing the worm on the floor in front of the screen to the credits music. That was hilarious!

- Let me leave you with this - I can confirm that there is absolutely no surprise sighting of Shatner.


Looks like your Kirk is permanently cooked, Shat!


I desperately need to do a horror review soon. Til next time...

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Man of Steal!!! Hahaha I'm so funny...

Well today I was going to lead off the Inaugural “Grump-Day, Hump-Day”, but I had to put that one the back burner considering that an extremely rare feat happened in MLB last evening – and it was done right here in my city and luckily by a member of the Fightin’ Phils.

Jayson Werth became one of only 49 players in MLB history to swipe all three bases in the same inning. The last Phillie to do it was Pete Rose in 1980 and there have only been nine players since 1942 who have done what Werth did last night in the 7th inning versus the Los Angeles Dodgers.




Werth is the man and do you know why? Smarts as well as speed got him to steal home plate. Basically, he stole home with a right handed hitter blocking the view of the catcher, who was lobbing the ball slowly back to the pitcher after each pitch for the entire inning. He inched toward home and as soon as the catcher went into motion to throw the ball, he took off!

Congrats to Jayson and the Phils! And by the way, the Phillies won 5-3.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The attack of Joe Davola!!!!

All of you Seinfeld fans know exactly where this post is heading...


"Fear is our most primal emotion."

Long story short - we had a Homeowners Association meeting today at Ruby Tuesday's. So the guy who is our president stands up, gets ready to leave and all of sudden looks my way. He asks me if I know of some opera song because I am a "paisan" (an Italian). I told him no but I know what opera is, I guess. So he said something along the lines of "Let me leave this with you.."

All of sudden, this guy turns into a poor man's bootleg Pavarotti (he's even big and huge with a beard like him) and starts blaring out an opera song...REALLY LOUDLY...AT A CROWDED RUBY TUESDAY'S. You could hear the restaurant get silent as he rambled on for what seemed like five minutes. I mean, was getting f****** serenaded or something?

Finally, he stopped and said goodbye and left as if nothing happened at all. And to make things worse, he got a round of applause!!! I felt so embarrassed for him. The other unit owners at the table buried their heads in shame.


"Thank you Ruby Tuesday's patrons! And thank you my little friend, Jeff!!"

I SWEAR that I am not making this up. I just had to post about it. If my life was being tracked for an episode of The Soup on E!, this would easily be the Clip of The Week...and it's only friggin' Tuesday!!!


Yes, Joel. You missed an awkward moment. And yes it was a "little gay" - like the one pictured here.

On my way home, all I could think of was that he was a psycho like Joe Davola, the crazy guy who dressed like an clown in an episode of Seinfeld called The Opera...

"You've betrayed me with another, haven't you, Nedda?"


video

Monday, May 11, 2009

Will.i.am...and his crimes against acting. A mini Wolverine review!

Ok so you probably have read tons of reviews about Wolverine already, so I am not going to bore any of my loyal readers with specifics. Did I like it? Sure...for what it was. Superheroes fighting all over the place, Hugh Jackman kicking a$$ while screaming an awful lot (like a pro wrestler) and Gambit was awesome. It had its problems and flaws, so let me continue talking about the worst thing in this film.

Now for those who have not seen this opus yet, you probably read the title and thought "Why is an ETMC doing a mini review on Wolverine but making a mention of The Black Eyed Peas member Will.i.am?" Simple. He is in the film. No, I'm not kidding. I am being serious right now and I am just as surprised as you are. I had no idea this fool decided to flex his thespian muscles and used a superhero summer blockbuster to do so. Not only is he in this flick, but he is in it WAY too long!

His character appears towards the beginning, has a couple of lines and then disappears as the film moves into the second act. I figure that it was quick and painless enough. But then his character re-appeared to help Wolverine in his quest. This meant one thing: he is going to be hanging around for a while. I got that same feeling in my stomach like when I take my car in to the shop for an oil change, which is also somewhat quick and painless enough, only for the mechanic to come back fifteen minutes later as I am ready to leave and tell me that I need a new radiator and that he would be keeping my car overnight!!


Hugh: "What? Keanu Reeves wasn't available?"

Please look at the picture above and tell me that is not one of the most ridiculous things that you have ever seen. I am just trying to hold it together as I finish this post up. I remember when Wolverine is leaving to face his nemesis, Will the Cowboy shouts out, "Wait, Logan. I am coming with you." I thought - ok this is the part where the hero usually says something along the lines of wanting to work alone and for the other character to stay put. But not this time. No Hugh let me down and told the fool to come with him. To make things worse, he teleports. So his annoying a$$ keeps showing up everywhere. So Will.i.am is Will the Teleporting Cowboy. Awesome (grrr!)!

SPOILER AHEAD: So I guess the silver lining to this nasty cloud is that Sabretooth (played by Liev Schreiber - the man who has Naomi Watts all to himself, damn him) fights Will the cowboy and rips his spine out. Sabretooth tells him something like, "I always found you...predictable." Oh you have no idea how right you are, Liev. Will's acting performance lived up to the cringe-worthiness I predicted as soon as I saw his name appear in the opening credits and thought "What the f***!?"

So Will, please stop trying to act and go back to being really concerned about what Fergie is going to do with all of that junk in her ass...I mean trunk.


Will the Thinker: What is Fergie going to do with all that junk in her trunk? I simply cannot figure it out! Maybe I will go into actor-ing?


FINAL VERDICT:

Will.i.am? Actor.he.isn't.



Tony DiLeo out as Sixers coach...

Apparently the players didn't like him, or something like that, so he decided to drop out of the running for the permanent head coaching gig and go back to his front office job (smart move) in order to not get fired.



"Sammy D. getting owned in paint and dunked on like a bee-otch. Totally the coach's fault."

Yeah that'll fix everything. The problem must be the coach, not the players at all. Dalembert gets owned in the paint play after play - coach's fault. Lack 0f talented three-point shooter - coach's fault. And so on and so. Funny thing is that the same players who are bitching now, bitched to get the last three head coaches canned in the last four years.


"WAAHHHH! SNIFF-SNIFF! WE WANT A NEW HEAD COACH! THIS GUY IS SO MEAN TO US! WAAHHH!"

But I guess with the strong players union in conjunction with guaranteed salaries, it is easier to can the coach. God...I officially hate the NBA.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The rain did not rain on my parade...or should I say my baseball game

The forecast called for last night to be the worse night of our storm-filled week. There were looming threats of severe downpours, thunder and lightning from early Friday evening until late Saturday morning. As you might have read a few posts below, I put infor this day off two weeks back so that my friend Dan and I could go down to the game early and tailgate. Now I feared that my plans were going to get rained out as well as the scheduled game that I was attending.

The forecasts seemed so definite, that I brought a poncho and left my electronics at home (thus no pics in this post). It was sunny and really hot (for this area) for the entire morning/afternoon and when my friend and I left to tailgate, the clouds were forming and bunching up fast. This meant: here comes the rain.

Fast forward to about 9:30 later that night - To my surprise, it was the best weather for an evening at the ballpark that I have been lucky enough to be graced with for some time. We watched the Phils soar to a 10-6 win, witnessed Cole Hamels dazzle in his comeback performance, ate a lot of ballpark food, and had a lot of fun! I want to thank mother nature for not raining on my parade...or should I say my baseball game?

Today I am going to treat Jewels to a date night that includes a showing of Wolverine and the restaurant of her choice! I am sure that pics will show up on chicnpick later tonight if you are interested in that kind of thing.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

New Header - THANK YOU ALL!

First thing - A HUGE THANKS TO J, ALLISON, BUCK FOR HELPING ME WITH GETTING A NEW HEADER!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!

What do you all think of the new header? It's my first time creating a real header and now I am more familiar with the tool. So I can see myself making more and more in the near future. Right now, this will suffice because I needed to get that other one off my blog immediately.

But I think this pretty much explains the weirdness of the site in the several pictures:

Me = Awesome
Phillies = WFC
Sixers Dancers = Love
Bruce Campbell/Horror movies = Awesome
Pink Floyd = Pink Floyd

Thanks again to the posters who helped me help myself.

Manny Ramirez suspended 50 games...for wanting to have a baby!


Man-Ram's reaction after he heard that he is going on vacation for 50 games earlier today

L.A. Dodgers outfielder and resident MLB nutbag Manny Ramirez was suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball earlier this morning. A report from espn.com explains: ...that Ramirez had testosterone in his body that was not natural and came from an artificial source, two people with knowledge of the case told ESPN's Mark Fainaru-Wada and T.J. Quinn. The sources said that in addition to the artificial testosterone, Ramirez was identified as using the female fertility drug human chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG. (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4148907)

Wow, Commissioner Bud Selig and MLB Officials - YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! We live in different times and people are slowly becoming more and more tolerant of different lifestyles. Just ask Miss California - she is very tolerant of alternative lifestyles. So are other people in the media. Remember this guy, um, girl, um guy on Oprah:


"Ummm baby...get in my BELLY!"


Mr. Ramirez has decided to settle down and have a child of his own and this is how his company treats him? Why because he is dude that wants to have a baby and he didn't go on Oprah?! Fascists!!

His secret is out of the bag now and I can't wait to see Little Manny come into this world of ours. Maybe he'll be a weird-a$$ ballplayer just as good as "dada-Ram".

Congrats, Manny! Enjoy your 50 day extended spring training...


"This one is for my dead homies...move your head, fool!!"

No but in all seriousness, Ramirez is on my fantasy team and now he will be out of my lineup for 50 games. It will be hard to replace his numbers and can seriously damage my season! D@mn you Manny!!!!

Here's to the weekend!

Checklist for today:

- Work completed for deadlines - check

- No cavities - check

- New Header for blog - check


Checklist for tomorrow:

- Tickets for tomorrow's Phillies game - check

- Money (get on the way to game)

- Corona Light (get on the way to the game)


The only thing that could come between me and an awesome afternoon/evening is the nasty weather pattern heading my way overnight. It is going to be a warm day, but there are thunderstorms that either can severely delay or potentially cancel the game...



Forecast for tomorrow evening = sucks!

Well my friend Dan and I are heading down there around 3:30 to do some tailgating but it be from inside the car. I am really excited because Cole Hamels make his return form injury and I hope he is fully healed. After losing two to the Mets, they need a strong outing at home out of him against the Braves.



Rain or shine, the night is mine. So if it gets canceled, I have the rest of Friday night to do what I want to do. I am just mad because we had this day planned out for several weeks now and it figures that we should be building Noah's Ark on a day when baseball should be played. Worse case, I will double up on these:



I also want to take Jewels to see Wolverine on Saturday, which I hope is good. I have been trying my hardest not to read spoilers. (Ed. Note = Star Trek is the one I want to check out next weekend). And Sunday is Mother's Day.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Please help me help myself

I am new to this whole blogging thing and I have a serious problem with my header. I mean, look at it! I went to scrapblog.com and made a free card to use as a header, put so many cool things in there...and now you see the abomination it has become. I mean, if I came to this site and saw the ridiculous header (as well as the review on such classic films like The House Bunny and Toxic Avenger IV), I would feel bad and say to myself, "Wow...this poor bastard!"



You see - it's supposed to be this, but much bigger and straight across the entire portion of my blog

Please help me help myself and not be a "poor bastard". How can I get a cool header creation tool, where can I go get a header, how do I make it stretch all of the way across the top and not come out as a diminutive square mess in the upper left-hand corner.

All tips and help would be ever so graciously appreciated. ETMC needs a header to be proud of!!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Superhero Sunday Double Feature!

After two long, late-night weeks of traveling and working, I needed to re-charge my batteries for dreaded Monday. Sunday afternoon and the plasma screen seemed like the perfect combination for an opportunity to do so.

I have pretty much seen everything On Demand and I have not had a big run yet on buying new DVDs yet, so I took a look at FearNet. That's when I saw that they had the Toxic Avenger series by those crazy guys at Troma available. If you have ever had the unique pleasure of watching anything by Troma, you know what to expect - low-grade, cheesy BAD B-Movies. But no one does b-movie cheese so legitimately as the Jersey-based production company and I was in a mood to shut my brain off for 80+ minutes.

You have to have a certain kind of taste and be in a certain mood to watch a Troma movie. Back when I was younger and was stuck in on certain Saturday nights, I use to stay up late and watch USA's Up All Night. If anyone reading this remembers this program, it consisted of two or more consecutively run b-movies and (way) lesser known flicks. The point to this is that when I was a kid, I watched this cheesy flick called Toxic Avenger. It was silly, goofy and dumb fun. When I made the choice for which installment to watch yesterday, I decided to skip past parts 2 and 3 and get straight to the 4th chapter. I figured it can't be like skipping Empire to get straight to Jedi or anything like that.



"Wow! I am so excited to be featured on ETMC!" (pic courtesy: videodetective.com)

My review: silly, over-the-top goofiness and exagerrated violence...the Troma trademark. If you like Troma, I would say "See it." I'm not a big fan of Troma but this was funny. like the first. Stan Lee and Corey Feldman make appearances. No I'm not kidding.

Then after making some awesome tacos for the wife and me to chow down, she picked out The Incredible Hulk (2008) - which is the Ed Norton one and not the 2003 borefest by Ang Lee. I saw trailers and had some interest in this film last summer, so I thought "First Toxic Avenger, now Hulk. It's a Superhero Sunday!"

This one was good!! I read somewhere that Norton had some re-writes and disputes with certain aspects during filming (wow big surprise), but they put out a great product in the end. It was fast-moving and action-packed, very unlike the '03 version. I think that some of the things that made this one worth the viewing besides the action factor is the fact that this seemed like a tribute to the 1978 series and nothing to do with the one from a few years back.

Being a fan of the series when I was younger, I could pick up the little homages to it (and I know all fans of the series also noticed):

1) Bill Bixby appears on a television (in an episode of the old series Courtship of Eddie's Father)

2) Lou Ferringo appears as a security guard. (Ed. Note - In the few posts that I have since ETMC's inception, this now makes the second mention of Lou Ferrigno).


LOU!!! (pic courtesy of tvsquad.com)

3) And then in the greatest homage, the "Lonely Man" song from the series played during a scene transition.


Even the film's official poster mimics the look of the '78 series (pic courtesy of electjeff.wordpress.com)

Where 2003 had a silly, jumping Hulk (lol remember that?), Norton's Hulk is darker and more bada$$.

Highly recommended!! I really think this one should be given a chance by all. It did well enough to be considered for a sequel and/or The New Avengers tie-in film. Also, remember when this came out - last summer with Iron Man (awesome) and Batman sequel (awesome). So, I was a little superhero'ed out during Summer '08 but now I wished I would have seen this one on the big screen.